Boyfriend Has Bad Hygiene

posted 4 months ago in Relationships
Post # 16
116 posts
Blushing bee

wow ! That’s gross ! 

it is a turn off for me when I know someone does only brush his teeth once a day. This one not shower for days ???? 

You gotta talk to him I mean a serious talk ! 


Post # 17
6673 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

alymc2019 :  I’m going to give the benefit of the doubt, that his parents never taught him that he needed to be clean consistently. Some people are like that. Heaven know I can still remember how bad it smelled in the male dorm at college. 

BUT he’s not a stinky teenager anymore. He needs to get it together. I wouldn’t dump him immediately, maybe he really does just need a kick in the head. But I would let him know in no uncertain terms that it was a dealbreaker if he didn’t get in the habit right now. I wouldn’t share a bed, I wouldn’t even use his dishes. And once he pulled himself together, I’d recommend new furniture because everything on his pillow is on his couch and recliner too. 

I don’t understand being delicate or sensitive about this. It’s just gross. It means he’s presenting himself as filthy in public as well. If my husband comes home with stinky pits, I say so and I expect the same ‘courtesy’ from him to ensure I’m not embarrassing myself. Give him a chance but don’t be dainty about it, be bluntly honest. 

Post # 18
6673 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Btw, he probably needs an emergency visit to the dentist as well

Post # 19
1357 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

alymc2019 :  That’s so revolting, how have you slept like that for even a single night?! 🤢 It sounds like your boyfriend has a major mental illness. What other explanation does he provide?!

This behaviour is not normal. And it’s not normal that you are allowing it, either! I don’t really understand how you could even be asking this question, instead of immediately doing something about it. Have some self-respect, don’t put up with this a single second more.

Post # 20
1251 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018


Post # 21
138 posts
Blushing bee

It’s funny, I was talking to my boyfriend about this the other day. We were in the store and there was a man who had an aura of stench around him. It was foul. When we got to the car, I told my bf, “If you smelled like that, you wouldn’t be my boyfriend!” and he said, “Oh god, it’s okay, if you smelled like that, you wouldn’t be my girlfriend!” Then we laughed and thanked each other for having good hygiene and smelling nice. 

Hygiene is a big, big, big deal. You can put the perfect man in front of me, but if he smells like poop, I would send him away to the other side of the earth. Your boyfriend has curated these habits over his entire life, it will be extremely hard for him to change these habits if he even decides to do so. Over time, his habits will only become worse and not better. 

I can’t believe you sleep in the same bed with him. My guy and I don’t even lay in our bed with brand new clean shoes on, let alone being coated in filth. That is UNHEALTHY and vomit-inducing. If he’s not brushing his teeth, think of how much money he is going to spend fixing the problems that will happen because of it – he might as well work an entire year for free. Also – how often do you wash pillowcases? They should be washed once per week. 

If at this point you still don’t want to break up with him (which I don’t understand but whatever), then I will try to give practical advice. I would inform him he is not allowed to sleep in the bed with you unless he is freshly showered – he can sleep on the floor (NOT THE COUCH!) so he does not contaminate anything. If he makes anything dirty with his black disgusting body, he is now responsible for promtly cleaning everything. Also no more kisses until he brushes his teeth, not even closed-mouth or cheek kisses. 

That’s the only advice I can provide because there is no way I can advise you to keep living like this. This is unhealthy, disgusting, abnormal, and potentially even hazardous. Who knows if diseases are now breeding in your bed. Please move out if he refuses. 

Post # 22
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Take a look at the thread of the husband who works as a contractor and doesn’t shower

Post # 23
45 posts

Omg!! I’m so sorry about you being in the situation. But you don’t have to put up with it. 

As PP have mentioned, you don’t need to be subtle. Hygiene is sooo important, like you can get sick from all those germs. 

In my house, we shower twice a day EVERY DAY. And brushing at least 3 times a day. Also, please don’t Allow him to lay in bed with you without showering. We don’t even lay in bed with street clothes, you are spreading germs and bacteria in the place you SLEEP!  

Speak to him, and expect to see changes immediately. If not, please get out, for your own well-being. 


Post # 24
2024 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

alymc2019 :  These are only the things you know about. If a grown, adult man isn’t showering when black from dirt, and isn’t brushing his teeth twice daily, he’s likely also not washing his hands in the bathroom, and picking his nose and putting it wherever. 

This relationship won’t work, because physical intimacy in these conditions won’t work, and you’ll grow to resent him for his filthy self and the filthy house. Not to mention the health hazards and expense. You’re breathing all of his dirt/door in. He’s going to have a fortune in dental bills soon. 

Post # 25
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2020

HARD pass. I dated some deadbeat way back when I was a teenager, didn‘t like to shower, I had to make him brush his teeth ect. When we broke up I had to get a new bed because the stench seeped into the mattress and even then I could still smell the disgustingness coming from the walls. R.U.N. 

Post # 26
4353 posts
Honey bee

mimivac :  I saw that. Same poster, different name?

Post # 27
6320 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

sunburn :  Slightly different stories. I think just two unfortunate women with funky ass ogre men. (and lord knows there are plenty enough of those to go around).

At least this one isn’t married, though. She can get out much quicker and easier than the other poster.

Post # 28
459 posts
Helper bee

I would find it hard to be with a man who wouldn’t even keep himself clean. I don’t care what the reason is. Nobody should have to tell a grown man that he needs to have a shower and brush his teeth. 

To be honest, I also wonder about your level of personal care if you have been silently living with this man while he does not practice personal hygiene. A woman who enjoys being clean could not lie beside a nasty pig. 

I once dated a man who smoked. Never again. He was so rancid because of all the stale smoke. I hated the taste of nicotine in my mouth after a kiss. 

Post # 29
4353 posts
Honey bee

TwilightRarity :  Not married…Thank goodness for small favors.

OP, the only suggestion I have is get out – now!

Post # 30
9695 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

alymc2019 :  At this point, his behavior is more than just bad hygeine. He’s putting his health and your health in serious danger.

“Metal-working fluids (MWFs) are used in machining and grinding operations to cool the tool and work, reduce the friction between the tool and work, improve the surface integrity of the work piece, and increase tool life and productivity. Health problems have been reported among workers exposed to MWFs, including incidences of respiratory, digestive and skin cancers, and increased rates of cough and phlegm.

Leaving “black” which is really a combination of MWFs and whatever alloys he works with on his skin for long periods of time WILL take years off his life. Not brushing his teeth regularly WILL take years off his life. 

This is 10000% a deal breaker. You have a partner that doesn’t value his health or cleanliness and will most likely leave you widowed if you marry. 

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