Post # 1
Member
34 posts
Newbee
(kind of long sorry)
I have seen some girls around here talking about having trouble planning their wedding because of their few friends and while I am not engaged yet it is something that I think about and it ends up making me sad thinking about the day we get married instead of happy like it should make me.
Some background… my family lives in a different county and while I grew up in the united states, by the time i was 18 i lived in two different states. Because of that I don’t really stay in touch with friends from my childhood, especially since they are across the county. Fast forward to college, I made a small group of friends but mostly hung out with 1 or 2 by themselves but with the others as a group. After graduation we all went our seperate ways but are living about 1-2 hours apart. After a year of living here, I met my boyfriend who lives close to an hour away, because of that we see each other every weekend so anytime I am here he is here too. I have been living here for two years now and soon will be moving to my boyfriends town. I have not really made any close friends (i have some work friends and we go out for happy hour but we dont text or call or hang out on weekends) but I feel like my college friends who are in other towns have made more friends than me. Even out of those friends there are only 1-2 that i talk to on a regular basis but do not see them regularly. My boyfriend is still in the same town he grew up in and most of his friends are still in that town.
I don’t know why lately it has been bothering me so much, maybe because I see how many friends he has and when we talk about the day we get married I just get sad thinking how I will have to struggle to choose bridesmaids (will probably choose the girls i went to college with even though I am not super close with two of them) and how even with the guest list I will not have as many people. I know I shouldn’t worry about this until it actually happens but sometimes I worry that because of this I get too dependent on my boyfriend and even though we have been together for a year he will for some reason judge me for my lack of friends and It upsets me that the other girls have been able to make a few close friends in their new town but I will be leaving here without any really close friends. I have it in my head that I should be talking on the phone, texting, seeing friends more often and I just don’t.
Sorry for that long post. I just needed to get it out of my head and hopefully get some advice or some perspective
Post # 3
Member
34 posts
Newbee
Just to add, me and the boyfriend are with each other friday night – sunday night since we dont see each other during the week and most of the times we go out are with his friends. I am nervous that when we do move in together and see each other every day that he will start to resent the fact that I do not have as much friends. We do love going out together so I don’t see him wanting to have a guys only night that often but I am still worried that he will get sick of it.
Post # 4
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
- Wedding: March 2016 - Mexico
I know this is hard. I’ve had similar feelings. My boyfriend of a year and I have started talking more about wanting to get married in the future, and when I picture the wedding, I get anxiety thinking about how many bridesmaids I’d be able to have. My boyfriend on the other hand has tons of close friends who he sees multiple times a week. He was previously married once years ago and had 7 groomsmen and had really struggled to narrow the list down to only 7. I’m the opposite and tend to be more introverted and have a harder time making new friends. I have two friends I’d be comfortable asking and then two more who I used to be close with, but have grown more distant over the years with moving further apart, busy lives, etc. and we only catch up over the phone or e-mail every few months or so. Those ones tend to be flakier with plans, so I don’t even know if I’d be able to count on them to attend my wedding, let alone be part of my bridal party. I can relate to the stress your feeling with it when it’s supposed to be a happy event to think about. My boyfriend knows that I don’t have a large social circle and he’s really nice about it. He introduces me to his friends’ girlfriends and wives when we go out and makes an extra effort to include me in things. I’m sure your boyfriend loves you for you the way you are and his feelings won’t change if you move in together over something like how many friends you have.
Post # 5
Member
652 posts
Busy bee
@weddingguest101: it’s never too late to make new friends, or make an effort to make your work friends closer friends! But at the end, it’s all about your personality if you are an introvert or extrovert. And it takes effort to make a friendship blossom.
but do remember, quality > quantity
Post # 6
Member
1469 posts
Bumble bee
Is there a reason why you don’t have more friends? Not saying there is anything wrong with you, but once you figure out the obstacle, you can focus on building new friendships. Regardless of a wedding, it’s always good to have your own friends.
My SO and I are the opposite where I’m the one with a regular group of friends and he very rarely hangs out with any of his friends. He doesn’t have many friends here because (a) he’s naturally more of a homebody, (b) the few friends that he does have don’t share common interests with him. Like you, we only see each other Fri to Sun. I try to get him to be more social because we have had problems where he complains that we’re always seeing my friends. Well that’s because he doesn’t make plans with his friends even though I encourage him all the time! I don’t resent him at all but I do wish that he had more friends because I think it would be good for him.
Post # 7
Member
34 posts
Newbee
@Jewelieee: I have become close with my boyfriends guy friends and many times they text me to make plans with me and the boyfriend. I think the reason might partially be that I don’t always make much of an effort because I sometimes feel other people should be making more of an effort too. I sometimes feel like I make most of the effort and eventually just stop. I also think that due to the fact that I am with him every weekend that I haven’t been able to really bond because I don’t like going out much during the week when I have work the next day. I mean in all honesty maybe it is something with me but it could also be sometimes my lack of effort but I feel others should make effort too.
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