Boyfriend is no longer attracted to me due to my weight gain

posted 11 months ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018 - City Hall

baldeagle :  you lost me at “bi-weekly updates on weight loss”. What in the actual F*[email protected]!

Someone who truly loves you would have a much more loving approach to your HEALTH and your HAPPINESS, not your WEIGHT..

Lose the extra weight of this guy dragging you down is my advice. 

Post # 3
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018 - City Hall

Does he know about your past struggles with bulimia? If he does and he continues to put this much pressure on you, shame on him. Shame on him regardless of this.

”if you want me to be happy, you’ll lose the weight”. ?!?

this is SO wrong. 

You don’t have to wish he’d just break up with you and go find someone else, you can break up with him and go find yourself someone worthy of YOU!

you ARE desirable, more than this guy… you deserve better… 

sorry for the cut and dry responses, I’m fuming for you. 

Post # 4
Member
15 posts
Newbee

Oh bee, my heart goes out to you. We’re pretty similar in a way—I’m about 5’3” myself and met my boyfriend weighing around 135. I’ve put on weight over the years and now am probably closer to 165-170, and I’ve struggled with body image issues and self-loathing since I hit puberty.

My boyfriend has never expressed any dislike over my body at any weight, though we have started going to the gym together and trying to eat healthier—he’s rail-thin but still eats like trash. My concern here is that your boyfriend’s concern is not for you. It’s not for your health, it’s not for your success, it’s not really even for your happiness. He is being entirely self-centered and, frankly, an asshole. Anyone who demands weight loss from another person for their sake rather than the sake of the individual does not have their best interests at heart. Anyone who would demand their partner update them on their weight loss and withhold sex as punishment for not meeting certain goals does not have their best interests at heart. Anyone who would approach someone who speaks openly about having a bad relationship with food and their own body to the point of struggling with an eating disorder with his insane lack of tact or regard for their feelings does not have their best interests at heart. 

I understand that attraction comes and goes in a relationship, and sometimes that can be a dealbreaker. But think long and hard about how attractive this behavior is to you. If you continue your relationship, you may choose to start a family together. Would you want him speaking this way to a future daughter? Do you truly want this kind of attitude so closely enmeshed with your life?

Post # 5
Member
12217 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Tell him that if that’s the case you’re even because you are no longer attracted to his lack of decency. Then leave. 

Losing weight for yourself and a healthy life is one thing. Doing it under psychological pressure is characteristic of abuse. 

There’s an easy way to lose 150+ pounds. Dump him. 

Post # 6
Member
8866 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

baldeagle :  Sweetie, say you lose the weight. … Are you going to be comfortable with this guy, knowing now that his love is conditioned on your dress size? Is that someone you can respect or ever trust again? I would not give my heart to this guy. You deserve better, and better is out there. I won’t even say how much weight I’ve gained over the 20+ years I’ve been with my husband. He still tells me every single day how beautiful I am, and he doesn’t just say it, his actions ensure that I feel it. Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t make you feel like the queen of their world.

Post # 7
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018 - City Hall

Daisy_Mae :  100% this 

Post # 8
Member
1005 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I almost wish he’d just break up with me

So break up with him. He’s a POS anyways, making his affection something that is rewarded on the condition of your weight. Gross. Also, wtf… is he aware that you have suffered from eating disorders? Is he that insensitive or is he just dumb?

boy bye

P.S. You will have more success with weight loss ON YOUR TERMS when you rid yourself of emotional toxins and bad boyfriends.

Post # 10
Member
4205 posts
Honey bee

I’m sorry, this isn’t an easy situation. 

First, you won’t be able to lose weight until YOU want to lose it. Losing weight for someone else won’t work. If your boyfriend is unhappy with your body and hounding you about weight loss, he might not be the man for you. You certainly don’t sound happy and a good partner should build you up, not drag you down.

Post # 11
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

I want you to know your not alone. I got dumped over a year ago and got motivated to workout more and got down to 120lbs. I then met my now boyfriend and in a year am up to 157. I understand the fear thinking your boyfriend is losing interest because of weight. My boyfriend hasn’t said anything but how can he not notice.

here is what I would say, my mom and dad have been married 40 years. Over the years sometimes in the most kind way she will remind my dad that he doesn’t need to eat that extra piece of bread, or encourages him to go for a walk. She wouldn’t ever leave him If he got fat and she was never unkind about it, but I always respected her honesty with him. I appreciated her honesty with him. Yes she would never leave him but she did have a right to gently let him know that he might wanna think about cutting back. Attraction is a real thing. I think every partner has the right to speak up when they feel the attraction fade. So I understand your boyfriends need to say something. I think as long as it isn’t rude or mean or unrealistic, it isn’t the worst thing when our partner lets us know when we are walking the line of weight gain. It could even be if we got lazy and aren’t showering as much etc. 

i know I don’t physically feel good being the weight I am right now. Daily, minute by minute I notice how my tummy is in the way, how I can’t wear the clothes I want, how I feel less comfortable being intimate with my boyfriend. I get it. All I can say is, a good routine is a good thing. For yourself as much as your relationship. You don’t have to be crazy skinny or go to extremes. But try to find your balance. Find some workout routine you can be happy with. Get into a habit of eating a bit healthier. I know that is my goal. To find an inbetween. You can do it. You and I can both do it. It isn’t worth throwing away a relationship to not figure it out. If you need extra support than ask for some. Maybe give your boyfriend some real ways he can help you. Get some therapy if you think eating has taken on an emotional level you can’t figure out. 

You aren’t alone. There is a happy medium. You are capable of finding a harmony. Hugs bee. 

 

baldeagle :  

Post # 12
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018 - City Hall

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<div>thank you next kris jenner GIF by Ariana Grande</div>
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Post # 13
Member
1389 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Oh honey,  I’m so sorry. And you’re definitely not alone. I’m your same height too and I’ve put on more weight than I care for after having my son. I just don’t have the energy to work out like I used to. Running drops the pounds for me but now I have a bad hip to boot. I don’t like it but I will never complain about body image. My husband never makes me feel less desirable and also always tells me daily how beautiful he thinks I am. Its these little things that make me see how much he truly loves me. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if I lost a few pounds but wow he would never demand it of me…because he is a smart, smart, man. 

I’m not sure how long this has been an obvious issue for your bf. I feel like maybe he’s frustrated at the point he started making demands. What an asshole thing to do. It’s so not fair to you who has a pre-existing eating disorder. Is there any way you can seek some help on this journey toward a healthier weight? Not for him of course, but yourself. An eating disorder specialist and nutritionist. I just want to see you have the best chance at healing from the inside out. Don’t worry about him bee. Worry about your health and mental well-being. Know that we are here for you….angry at your bf’s negligent attitude toward your self esteem. You totally deserve better. There are plenty of men who will love you for you and not “just” what you look like. 

Post # 15
Member
880 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

so what about your boyfriend keeps you there?

Post # 15
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018 - City Hall

My first attempt at posting a GIF on here, not sure where all the extra text is coming from 

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