Bee, your bf is a jackass.
Now that we’ve gotten the pleasantries out of the way, we can get to work. Reality: You have an eating disorder that could kill you. Hopefully, you went through treatment to change your behavior. An ED doesn’t go away. You will always be vulnerable.
The one commonality in all EDs is a preoccupation with food and weight, well past the point of obsession.
And here you are, Bee, with this terrible bf who keeps you riveted on food and weight issues at all times. You don’t really have much of an opportunity to not think about food and weight. Your bf keeps it front and center.
There could be a guy out there in the universe who would be even worse for you, but, he would be hard to find, unless you look for dates in prisons.
It’s no surprise that you have been unable to lose weight, for him. Wrong reason. You just may not be ready. That’s perfectly ok. You are ok, just as you are.
Have you looked into Overeaters Anonymous? They have online and in person meetings. One of the rules is, no numbers, ie no mention of weight, size, or calories.
If your bf does someday latch onto some unfortunate woman, gawd knows how he’ll handle it hen she gets pregnant, her hormones get out of sync, her thyroid goes on the fritz, she has to take meds that interfere with the body’s fat storage, or, the doctor has to prescribe something that makes her ravenous, she becomes post-menopausal, or she simply ages.
It’s time me to explore what it is that drew you to your bf. Often, when we find ourselves with someone who is wildly inappropriate, there’s an old script being acted out. Does your bf remind you of anyone? Is there something familiar about the relationship dynamics?
We often repeat unhealthy patterns from childhood, subconsciously trying to put a better ending on it.
Ditch the bf, Bee. He is awful for you.
Some info for you about EDs.