Boyfriend is no longer attracted to me due to my weight gain

posted 6 months ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
894 posts
Busy bee

F&$! That [email protected]*

My ex-husband had an issue with me working out and getting more “muscley.” He said I was unattractive to him and he didn’t want to be physical with me as a result. I let him knock me down for months until I said “enough” and asked for a separation. He said I’d never find anyone who’d love me like him. 

You know what? He was right. 

I found guys who loved me better. 

I found guys who thought my body was awesome. Who thought I was beautiful and amazing. And eventually, I found the guy who lives me for everything I am. 

Screw your boyfriend. Go find the guy who will love you for who you are, not for a number on a scale or a dress size. Life is too short for pathetic men who are superficial. 

Post # 17
Member
1559 posts
Bumble bee

I would break up with him. Lose weight for yourself and for your own health if you want to but not for any man.

Post # 18
Member
14 posts
Newbee

Simple – Get rid of this loser. 

Post # 19
Member
1301 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

Fastest way to lose that 100+ lbs? -dump his ass. Problem solved. Well almost, get thee to therapy stat and stop paying him any mind.

and PS you are beautiful inside and out bee! No man can take that from you, you will find someone who loves you un-conditionally and this guy ain’t it! 

Post # 20
Member
582 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I feel so sad that so many women feel like shit over gaining 15-20 pounds and that they let men make them feel even more like shit about it.  It’s such a small amount of weight and it should not guide your self esteem or how someone views you.

To the OP – If he is this focused on a small amount of weight now changing how you look and how he feels – What’s going to happen if you get pregnant? Or if you get ill or find yourself disabled or bloated by chemo or something else?  Screw this guy. Seriously – he is not good for you and he is damaging your sense of self and your spirit.  He isnt there for YOU and you sure as hell shouldnt be there for him.

Post # 21
Member
1196 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I don’t think I could stay with someone like this, even if I lost the weight. He’s not supporting you in the right ways. He might think he is but he’s way off base. You have to want to lose weight for yourself. He should be there to support you when/if YOU decide to do that. Not pressuring and judging you because making you feel bad about yourself is counterintuitive.

Post # 22
Member
10186 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

baldeagle :  

Bee, your bf is a jackass. 

Now that we’ve gotten the pleasantries out of the way, we can get to work. Reality:  You have an eating disorder that could kill you. Hopefully, you went through treatment to change your behavior.  An ED doesn’t go away.  You will always be vulnerable.

The one commonality in all EDs is a preoccupation with food and weight, well past the point of obsession. 

And here you are, Bee, with this terrible bf who keeps you riveted on food and weight issues at all times. You don’t really have much of an opportunity to not think about food and weight. Your bf keeps it front and center.

There could be a guy out there in the universe who would be even worse for you, but, he would be hard to find, unless you look for dates in prisons.

It’s no surprise that you have been unable to lose weight, for him. Wrong reason. You just may not be ready.  That’s perfectly ok. You are ok, just as you are.

Have you looked into Overeaters Anonymous? They have online and in person meetings. One of the rules is, no numbers, ie no mention of weight, size, or calories.

If your bf does someday latch onto some unfortunate woman, gawd knows how he’ll handle it hen she gets pregnant, her hormones get out of sync, her thyroid goes on the fritz, she has to take meds that interfere with the body’s fat storage, or, the doctor has to prescribe something that makes her ravenous, she becomes post-menopausal, or she simply ages.

It’s time me to explore what it is that drew you to your bf. Often, when we find ourselves with someone who is wildly inappropriate, there’s an old script being acted out. Does your bf remind you of anyone? Is there something familiar about the relationship dynamics?

We often repeat unhealthy patterns from childhood, subconsciously trying to put a better ending on it.

Ditch the bf, Bee.  He is awful for you.

Some info for you about EDs.

 

 

https://www.everydayhealth.com/eating-disorders/guide/#anorexia

 

Post # 23
Member
1440 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

Honey, throw the whole boyfriend away.

Post # 24
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Leave him, dont juat walk away, RUN AWAY… That man does not love you. Yes you should always try to take care of your health but what he ia doing isnt health related, he is absolutely wrong for saying and doing this to you. Do not stay with him… he is bullying you and believe it or not this is verbal and emotional domestic violence. Not ok! Leave 

Post # 25
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2021 - British Columbia, Canada

Surprise him by saying you can lose 200 pounds of dead weight in 5 seconds… By dumping this loser. I’m all for not forcing someone to find every single body shape/type in existence attractive but the fact that he’s playing mind games and policing you is messed up. You can do better.

Post # 26
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - City, State

LEAVE HIM. You deserve so much better than a man who loves you based on weight alone. I’ve gained 25 pounds since our wedding and my husband has never once made a single comment…he also tells me he can’t tell I’ve gained any weight. 

Time to move on, love.

Post # 27
Member
42 posts
Newbee

If he is that unattracted to you, then he should leave. 

Over years ppl’s bodies change so much. He isn’t a keeper, he’s a lesson learned. Move on… 

Post # 28
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

This is really bad. You definitely need to break up with him if you haven’t yet.

There’s nothing wrong with us all being attracted to certain aspects of people, but how he’s trying to threaten you with the integrity of the relationship is reeeeally bad.

I would only add that if you like your body and feel good, then don’t change anything. But if this is a tender area because you’re not happy, I would look for guidance and an accountability buddy.

Post # 29
Member
493 posts
Helper bee

DUMP his ass bee.

He isn’t worth your time/health or energy…if he can’t see that your beautiful inside & out – you deserve so much better than this guy. You will find someone who will love you unconditionally & this man isn’t it! 

Post # 30
Member
9207 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Any man that would put your mental and physical health in jeopardy over a few pounds is a scum bag. Sorry OP. I’d be done. 

There are plenty of men out there who will love you for you are, in sickness and in health, skinny or overweight.

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