Post # 1
So the title says it all. Found out this morning that if I was ready right now, my boyfriend would propose. He’s waiting on me. I was thinking that with some personal issues I have to resolve, it would be a year or more. He said it could happen this year if that’s when I’m ready.
I feel like this is what I needed to hear to work on myself. I was so worried that if I put all this effort in and he still wasn’t ready, I would be disappointed and I would end up waiting. I didn’t know he’s ready now. In an ideal world, he wants to have more money in savings so we can buy a house sooner, but he’s just as happy with his current savings.
I’m going to wholeheartedly find a therapist and put real effort into it. I had a panic attack last night which sucks. I definitely want to handle my anxiety better, I don’t want to be this way when I have kids. Seeing my mom struggle emotionally put so much pressure on me as a child and I don’t want to do that to my kids. I want to be a strong foundation for them, and have healthy ways of handling stress. My boyfriend has offered to pay for therapy for me.
I also want to get in shape so I can have a healthy pregnancy and be physically there for my kids. My mom never played with me or participated in any physical activity and I want to be different. I want to have a pregnancy and labor without complications and I want to lost the weight afterwards. And I want to get in the habit of eating healthier to help my babies while I’m breastfeeding.
I haven’t measured but it seems like I’m losing weight. I haven’t tried my best at the gym yet but I’ll get there. I’ve adjusted my portion sizes and I already feel better about it. I’m 5’7, currently in the upper 150s bordering on 160. My doctor says in good shape, I should be 140-145 and have good muscle tone. So I’m going to shoot for that. I don’t care about being 120 vs 140, I just want to be fit. I also want to get in shape so my boyfriend and I can do things together and go on trips without me slowing down.
I’m so happy he told me this. Somehow I thought I would end up waiting on him. I didn’t know it’s the other way around. This is such a relief.
So we’ll see. Hopefully I’ll better myself and possibly be engaged this year.
Post # 2
Maybe the carbon monoxide scare and close call with fire made him realize he didn’t want to lose you. 😉
Congrats, Bee! It’s great that you’re taking so many steps towards a more healthy life, and wonderful that you’ve found a guy who is there to encourage you. He sounds like a great man!
The child and family worker in me makes me want to recommend child development and parenting books to you. Knowledge is power, especially when you are choosing to consciously parent different than you were parented. It’s natural to parent like our parents did, since that’s all we know, so make sure you’re also open to learning the research-based strategies for raising happy, well-adjusted, emotionally stable children. There is a lot of research on raising kids who can handle stress, and it’s really not hard to do!
I wish you the best in therapy, your marriage, parenting, and house-hunting!
Post # 3
ispeakingifs : Good for you for taking the time you need to sort through things. Getting married is such a huge life change that you really do need to be prepared for it before taking that plunge. Physical wellness is also super important, but don’t put so much pressure on doing it all at once- fitness is a lifetime journey and you always have to adjust along the way. I’m really glad it’s in the front of your mind though. *hugs*
Post # 4
lovelyruby : I know it worried him. He was so supportive, he was right by my side through the entire thing and he took care of me before and after. He is great. He’s amazing. I know he’s put a great deal of effort into being better for himself, me, and us.
I took a child psychology course a few years ago and still have the texbooks; a few months ago I bought a book called “Nurture Shock” but I didn’t get to read it then because we were moving. I want to continue reading about child welfare, as a general curiosity and for future knowledge. I want to be as good of a parent as possible. I know I won’t be perfect. I don’t want to shield my kids, I can’t stop a sprained ankle here or hurt feelings there. I want my kids to be happy, healthy, loving individuals as adults; I want them to be capable of having emotionally healthy relationships.
I moved a lot as a child and I’ve seen several divorces as well. I think those two things as well as my Narcisistic Mother have given me some trust/abandonment issues to work through, and I have difficulty building platonic relationships, especially with other women. I really want to work on this, I don’t want to pass these issues on to my kids.
missmollybee : Agreed, I want to be my best self before I commit to another person. I know I want to marry him, I just feel like I have another 20-30% to go before I’m there yet. The way he puts it, he’s “99%”. (He’s five years older and has more financial stability, but I started my adult life young and am catching up quickly).
I have thought about that. I don’t want to get ready just for a wedding, for example. I want to truly have a healthy lifestyle so I stick with it longer.
Thank you for the kind words ladies! I’m super happy about this news.