Boyfriend is still friends with ex FWB

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
477 posts
Helper bee

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paigelove : People are inherently selfish creatures. And honestly? I’m confused as to the entire point of this debate. You just admitted that you’re still good friends with your previous FWB and you guys still hang out. 

If you still have your FWB buddy in your life, why isn’t it okay for him to have his? 

I mean don’t get me wrong here, it would bother me on a large scale to know that my SO was still in contact with a FWB from his past but, at the same time, I don’t have any of my past FWB hook ups still hanging around either. 

Post # 32
Member
1593 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

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DoubleD :  I completely disagree that there must be something more since he went to her while he was at an “emotional low”.  Generally speaking, guys don’t think that way.  They can compartmentalize their emotions and sex.  I know heaps of guys who have had meaningless sex after the break up of a long term relationship without an emotional connection.  I think it’s for the ego boost, a distraction and they tend to be drinking and/or partying.  I’m willing to bet he went to her while they were broken up because she was an easy lay and there’s nothing more to it. Now that you got back together it’s a pretty shit situation.  Sounds like you guys are communicating well and he’s willing to do what he can to amend the situation, but I do think it would be unreasonable to ask him not to hang out with his friends when she’s not there.

For the record my DH used to have one of these too (she’s married with kids now so her personality changed).  The first time I met her she jumped on my now dh who was on a couch full straddle and gave him a big hug, then gave me the up-down look and sneered and said heyyy.  Shes one of those “I don’t know why girls hate me, I get along with all the guys” type.  She had fooled around with Dh a long time ago.  I just poker faced my annoyance and killed her with kindness and it really bugged her, until someone new came into the group and she focused her bitchiness on them.  She was a really insecure person I think. 

Post # 33
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee

Been there, done that. My boyfriend’s situation was a bit different as he only hooked up with this girl (while very drunk) yearssss before I was even in the picture. They were very close friends and she developed feelings for him after they were intimate. He didn’t reciprocate, so she then gave him hell about every single woman he dated after – eventually I fell into that category. This girl was vile and hateful to me on more than one occasion. I tried multiple times to be nice to her despite feeling like she hated me, but it never worked out. After many talks and tears over it, my boyfriend was finally able to understand why I didn’t want to be around a woman who not only was in love with him, but was rude and ugly about me and our relationship. I’ve not seen her in over two years now and things are so much better without her lurking around. She still will text him at odd hours every now and again, but for the most part, she’s backed off. 

 

TALK TO YOUR BOYFRIEND! I promise, this isn’t something that will change or go away. Just be honest about how it makes you feel. You are entitled to your feelings.

Post # 34
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee

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thebeekeeper :  I didn’t know this before I posted my comment. It does make things different if OP is friends with an ex FWB. However, my SO has more than one ex FWB and ex SO that he stays in contact with. The issue for me isn’t whether they were intimate in the past, it’s how they treat me and if they respect our relationship or not. Sounds like this girl doesn’t try to get along with OP and that would bother me too. The past has to stay in the past for these friendships to work.

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