(Closed) boyfriend: "it's too soon to talk about that"

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
9690 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Yogachild:  I have to say I am amazingly impressed at how well you handled this situation.  I think because you kept calm you got to the true reason he said the initial not-so-nice thing he said.  Sounds as though you have a healthy relationship and are on the right track.

Now – think of it this way.  You planted the seed.  You know he wants marriage.  Just wait, I bet he’ll be thinking along those lines a lot sooner than you think.  And simply because you got inside his head.  Love it!!

I’m gonna have to remember this, really wonderful.

Post # 4
Member
340 posts
Helper bee

You handled the situation amazingly!  Maybe he was stressed that he already has a huge change with a new house and financial situation that the thought of another change stressed him out further. I think by 6 months you should have an idea if you want to marry someone or not and talking about it casually is important. At the 9 months point I would bring up if he sees you two together long term. The very fact that he didn’t want to date anyone else casually shows he wants to be with you.

Post # 5
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I think you handled yourself very well! Definitely put Mr Bee’s plan into full force, no harm can come from that. Give him a chance to show you what’s up.  Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

It seems as though things are just going too fast for him , and perhaps the things you want are just adding to the pressure.

I know from past threads you want children, marriage and all that stuff which is fine. Part of me says that you are more interested at the moment in being in a transparent, vulnerable relationship, than he is. Of course I don’t know the ins and outs of your relationship, I’m only going off of things I have read that you have posted in your own threads or other threads that share parts of your life. 

Like the PP said, you have planted a seed! Just keep working on the relationship and I’m sure things will fall into place 🙂

Post # 9
Member
9690 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Yogachild:  Well, I happen to disagree with your friend and think you’re handling it perfectly fine.  Nothing you said sounded the least bit needy to me, at all.

If marriage is really what you want, keep talking with him about it in the same open way.  And the idea of following Mr Bee’s plan is a good one. 

But I will caution you on one thing.  Don’t go overboard with the independence and send signals that you’re not serious about him.  What men really withdraw from isn’t neediness or a woman being straightforward.  They withdraw from the fear of rejection.  This little secret about men was told to me by my very independent and wise Fiance, after we were engaged.  He said if I’d behaved as though I couldn’t care less whether he was in my life or not and didn’t have time for him he would have walked.  He knew without a doubt I felt he was the one for me. 

I was willing to be patient and I told him so, but I was never willing to be indefinitely patient. 

It’s a delicate thing, lol.

Post # 10
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I applaud you for bringng it up. 6 months does sound soon, but at 37 one would think you should know what you want and don’t want. His reaction would bother me, but only you really know your relationship. Maybe with a bit more time he will come around to the idea, but I do hope that you don’t take his reaction to mean you should never bring up the subject again. This is your life too and you have every right to know which direction it is going. Best of luck to you, I hope he warms up to the idea of co-habitating soon. 

Post # 11
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Also, because he seems to have had a bad experience in the past he is acting cautious and rightfully so because you just never know…so be patient, fingers crossed for you! Keep being yourself and follow Mr. Bee’s plan if this is meant to be it will fall into place.

Post # 12
Member
1318 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My guy refused to talk about moving in together “down the road” even though we were freaking living together (he refused to call it what it was). Idon’t know why some guys are so skittish, mine definitely was… It’s hard to not let it hurt you, but just know that you aren’t alone. 

Post # 13
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My Darling Husband didn’t tell me he loved me until after we’d been dating for 7 months. 

I’d just try to keep in mind that not everyone progresses at the same pace.

Post # 14
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011


“Or it could mean he’s too lazy to seek out new vagina.”


Do you stay over night and just not officially live with your Boyfriend or Best Friend, or do you guys just basically “get together” and then everyone goes their separate way?

Post # 16
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Here’s how things generally go with Mr. Lk: I bring up a new topic/idea/thought for the first time and he immediately clams up and rejects it. It doesn’t matter what the topic/idea/thought is, he will reject it on the first try. He’s pretty much terrified of anything new/different/altered… whatever. I wait a few days or weeks, depending on how big the topic/idea/thought was, and then we have a casual discussion about it. I drop it for another few days or weeks, knowing that it is now rattling around in his brain. I bring it up a third time and we have a super productive discussion. He’s even ready to make a decision, if warranted. Woohoo!

So yeah, some guys just freak for no reason and need time to warm up. Give him a month and broiach the topic again. If he still clams up, he’s definitely not ready. but he may surprise you and be ready to at least casually discuss things.

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