- 6 years ago
Bf and I have been dating 6 months. Not living together, see each other 3-4 times a week. He’s 37, I’m 33. Both never been married, he wants marriage. Supposedly. Conversation we had yesterday on his way home from the bank (he closed on a 2 BR house yesterday, in which I was totally supportive of him every step).
Him: My mortgage is going to be $400/month more than my rent. That’s less money I’ll have for fun stuff for us babe. I’m now married to my home, ugh.
Me: Well, you never know. Perhaps in a few months we can talk about me moving in and I’ll help you out with the mortgage, then life can be fun for us again! (all spoken in a happy, lighthearted tone)
Him: ***eyes pop out of skull*** ummmmm…. that’s not going to happen!!!
Me: Really? Aww hun, that hurts my feelings. I would think that’s a natural progression of any relationship. It’s normal/healthy/functional to discuss these things. No harm, no foul.
Him: well, it’s just too soon for us to move in together.
Me: I know it is. That’s why I said maybe in a few months. There’s no reason to not just talk about it loosely though.
Him: well, it’s too soon to talk about it
Me: Talk is just talk. I don’t believe any topic should be hush hush. No one can get hurt by talking. If anything, it opens up communication. And besides, we can always decide not to move in. There’s a 95% chance I probably won’t move in without an engagement anyway, but I would like to at least keep that 5% chance on the table. Why close off an entire topic?
Him: I don’t know. I’m sorry.
Me: I have to know that I can discuss things with you in hypothetical terms. If not, we might as well just be sex buddies. If you want to take things down a notch, please let me know, and we date casually. No hard feelings.
Him: No, I don’t want that. I want you and I’m sorry for reacting that way.
Me: You shouldn’t be sorry if that’s how you feel. But I want a guy who is flattered/happy that I want to talk about living with him. This should be a happy conversation, not some knee jerk negative reaction.
Him: I know I know. I just had bad experiences in the past. My ex and I lived together and things went south.
Me: Well, we all have. We are in our 30’s. But I need transparency and vulnerability in order to be happy. I hope we can get there someday.
Him: Okay. (we kiss)
Today I’m annoyed. He’s sweet and awesome as usual, but I’m thinking of acting out Mr. Bee’s plan. I already do, almost to a fault, but I probably need to back off more. Meetup.com is my lifeline. I am booked up the next couple of Fridays meeting up with my women-only groups. Hee hee!
Apparently men who are 37 and want marriage still have the tendency to freak out over the mere discussion of moving the relationship forward. (eyeroll)