(Closed) Boyfriend Keeps changing Engagement Plan

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

Patience. I’m at the 50 month mark and just about to get engaged in a week, everyone moves at their own pace.  Are you sure he is ready? I would make sure to bring that up, it sounds like he has a lot of excuses to delay. 

Post # 4
Member
2544 posts
Sugar bee

How old are you guys and how long have you been dating now?

1 year of dating is really not a lot of time to get to know someone. Possibly even more so when you’re not living or sleeping together – just strictly based on the amount of time you spend together (it also tends to take a bit longer when you’re long distance or only see each other on weekends etc.)  It’s possible he got carried away during the honeymoon stage and didn’t think it through practically. 

I would wait until you’ve been together 18 months or so and reassess where you’re at. If he’s still changing the plan again and again 18 months – 2 years into the relationship then I’d be more skeptical. But I’m not surprised he doesn’t know exactly when he’ll feel ready when you haven’t even been together for a year yet. 

Post # 5
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

View original reply
graced :  if you are a control freak, tell him! I get really anxious about the future and stuff, so that why I helped with the ring shopping and I know a rough idea of when he is proposing (on our trip). He was ok with it not being a total surprise when I told him I didn’t like not knowing when. I think it’s important to remember that this is your decision as much as his- he doesn’t hold all of the cards just because he is the guy, you have a say in when this happens too!

Post # 6
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

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wolfeyes :  I have to agree with you on this too. I specifically remember my bf saying how much he wanted to marry me during the honeymoon stage of the first year. I think sometimes we get caught up in new relationships and start to get ahead of ourselves- I was in college back then, no way would I have been ready that soon.

Post # 7
Member
2322 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

View original reply
graced :  I think it’s perfectly normal for him to want to push the timeline out a bit, it sounds like you guys haven’t been dating that long so I would hold off on even talking about a proposal until you’ve been together over a year. These things shouldn’t be rushed, and since you haven’t lived together or slept together I would imagine it might take some more time to really get to know each other.

Post # 8
Member
3019 posts
Sugar bee

You give a lot of timelines for when you discussed enagement, but you don’t state how long you’ve been dating. The mention of him wanting to read the entire bible before he proposes also makes it sound like you’re young (not because of the desire to read the bible first, but because he hasn’t had the time to do that yet).

If you’re young and haven’t been dating a long time, that it’s understandable that he isn’t ready and doesn’t know when he will be ready yet.

To be honest, it sounds like you’re trying to push the relationship forward because you’re ready to move in together, be physically intimate, etc. But those things take time to develop naturally. If you push things too fast, you could damage your relationship, or you could end up with the wrong person. Let things develop naturally.

Post # 9
Member
250 posts
Helper bee

You have not been together very long.
Sometimes in the first year you are living in a honeymoon phase where it seems soooo clear you want to marry this person. Perhaps it was during those stages that you guys had all the marriage talks. Now that the honeymoon phase is fading a bit, reality is setting in. This doesn’t mean he never wants to get married, but likely means he wants more time to be sure. This shouldn’t discourage you- it’s likely just the regular path most relationships take.

Just try and enjoy the relationship and see where it takes you.

Post # 10
Member
3140 posts
Sugar bee

You haven’t been dating that long, so him wanting to push out the timeline a bit isn’t necessarily concerning.

However, with these things he wants to do before proposing, like read the bible cover to cover.. is he actually taking steps to make this happen? 

Post # 12
Member
2274 posts
Buzzing bee

OR, if someone is well established, well grounded, fairly sophisticated and mature, and crazy in love, a 6 week, (or 6 month), engagement is all the time two people need.

Post # 13
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee

As background before I ask this intrusive question, I’m from a very religious area where most people “wait,” so I’m not judging at all. Anyway, feel free to ignore, but do you think he’s similarly anxious for the physical intimacy part of it, or does he seem ok with waiting?  I think if you have a difference in impatience in this area it can make the “waiting and waiting” period even harder. 

Post # 15
Member
34 posts
Newbee

View original reply
graced :  Me and my boyfriend have been dating for just over 2 and half years and we’re waiting for marriage to live together and sleep together but I don’t really think I can offer any words of advice unfortunately. I just decided I’m willing to wait so long for someone before I start compromising too much of what I want and become resentful. I’m a very intentional person so waiting for him has been very difficult and caused a lot of strain. I think it helps if you know the other person does in fact want to marry you and they’re not just going to break things off suddenly but it is difficult. Whenever I get frustrated, I try to stand back and think ‘would I be happier without him’ which so far the answer has been no.

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