Post # 1
My boyfriend keeps making hurtful comments on my weight and when I call him out on it he always just says ‘God I thought we were just joking around, so let’s not talk anymore then’ and gets pissed. It really hurts me and he doesn’t get why. Let me explain:
I’m 5’7 and I weight 135 pounds. I don’t think that is fat at all, especially my arms and legs are really lean. When we met last year, I was 12 pounds lighter, but I think I looked too skinny back then. A lot of people actually told ne that I look much better nowadays because last year I looked unhealthy and you could really see my bones. I look atbpictures from that time and I agree with them. My boyfriend doesn’t seem to see it that way at all. He seems to think I looked way better back then and keeps pointing t out. I got comments like ‘Last year you were so skinny, no idea what happened’ and ‘You look like you don’t use your gym membership very often’ (I still go to the gym 2-3 per week). When I call him out on it he says he thought we were joking and that I shouldn’t take things so seriously, but he has actually never said ‘I do not think you’re fat nowadays’ or ‘I like your body as it is’.
The reason I gained some weight is that I was really busy the past months and didn’t do as much sports as I used to, and I also ate a bit unhealthier than before (by that I don’t mean fast food all day, I still made sure I got my vitamins etc). I would be happy to lose a few pounds again, and I’ve actually been thinking to get my hips lipoed (been thinking about that for years because I got stubborn fat I never got rid of), but for most part I’m happy with my body. I don’t wanna be as skinny again as last year. And the comments of my boyfriend really start to affect me, I start feeling fat and not good enough for him. He’s really into sports and has a great body, btw (not a sixpack but he’s lean and fit).
Right now he’s pissed again because we were on the phone and he made some comments again and I told him that he makes me feel bad about my body and weight, so he goes ‘I didn’t know you take everything so seriously, we were just joking around, if you’re like this maybe we should talk later instead’. Then he just said I love you and bye.
I feel like he’s dismissing my feelings and I don’t kniw what else to do about it. Apart from that he’s a great and sweet guy who cares a lot about me and treats me really well, but this really bothers me.
Has anyone had a similar experience? Advice?
Post # 2
He isn’t going to stop. Dump the loser!
Post # 3
That’s called gaslighting. Please look it up & see if he does other things that put the blame on you when it should be on him.
Then dump him.
Post # 4
Text him and tell him that the next time he calls you it better be with an apology or don’t bother to call or come around anymore.
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2018 - Omaha, NE
I’m sorry, but your boyfriend is being an ass. You are an entirely normal weight, not even close to overweight. If you were overweight and his comments came from a place of caring about your health, I’d understand, but that’s not what’s going on here. You can lose a ton of weight by dumping his butt!
Post # 6
Break up with him.
Trying to get him to apologize or change will do just one thing — give him more time to mistreat you.
You see how he acts, and you don’t like it, so why stay? Dump him and free yourself up for someone who’ll treat you the way you should be treated, which is nicely and with care.
ETA: you say that he’s a sweet guy apart from that, but that’s a crock of you-know-what. He’s a jerk, plain and simple.
It doesn’t matter how nice he can be when he criticizes you just as much.
Post # 7
Lose a fuck tonne of dead weight by dumping his ass.
What he’s doing to you is disgusting. His jokes aren’t funny, and you definitely don’t need lipo. You deserve so much better.
Post # 9
What a jerk! I can tell from this post you feel like you have to rationalize your weight due to the way he treats you – even to this board. GIRL, YOU DONT. He sucks. And he should keep his mouth shut. Get rid of him.
Post # 10
PS. Can’t believe you’d even consider Lipo at your age and weight. He’s obviously having a terribly negative effect on you and you sounds like you’ve got some dysmorphia issues. 135 lbs at 5″7′ is thin.
Post # 11
You need lipo about as much as you need to keep dating that jackass. Which is not even a tiny bit.
Post # 12
I was positively PERFECTLY thin at 5’7″/135 lbs. That was my pre-pregnancy weight. Is he daft?? You’re far too tall to weigh much less than that and still look healthy. I say keep the weight, lose his simple ass.
Post # 13
dalia88 : Dated a guy exactly like this. Note that I said dateD. We broke up. I am the same height and weight as you, and my husband thinks I look so sexy! He always tells me I look like a greek statue, because I am thin but have a little meat too. I love being with someone who doesn’t make me feel bad, all my exes made fun of my weight and I struggled with an eating disorder as a result.
If he isn’t willing to let you know how beautiful you are, find someone who will!
Post # 14
Duuuuuude I’m 5’2 and 140lbs and don’t even consider myself big in any way. You must be TINY.
The fuck outta here with your bf. Sounds like a tosser
Post # 15
Just to make this clear, I do not think I’m too fat and I do not think I NEED lipo. The lipo thing doesn’t have to do with him, I’ve just been thinking fir years already to get my hips lipoed because I have really stubborn fat there (love handles) that don’t respond to diet or exercise.
For the gaslighting thing, I don’t think he’s doing anything but those weight comments. If he really thinks I’m too fat for him, why is he with me then- And if he likes my body why doesn’t he just say so and apologizes? I don’t know. He’s such a great guy in other parts of life and doesn’t treat me bad at all.