Boyfriend lied about something minor – how do I get over it?

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Red flags

Post # 3
Member
822 posts
Busy bee

Uhm.. yeah. He’s lying and deleting shit, which tells me he has something to hide. Major red flags. 

Post # 4
Member
866 posts
Busy bee

Not sure how much time you have already invested into this relationship, but I would be done. Even if its just little lies, he is displaying a lack of character and honor.

Post # 5
Member
1768 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Huge bee,  this does seem to be a bit of a red flag,  but I wouldnt go for the nuclear option yet.  I mean,  he did lie to your face multiple times (deleting the photos,  telling you he got back late because he is talking about work stuff,  etc) and that’s not right.  Plus it would make me worry that their might be even more going on.  He knew you saw the birthday pics,  so he only admitted to that. Are you friendly withvhis work colleagues?

Maybe see how things go in the near future. He could have lied due to bad experiences in past relationships, although that doesn’t really excuse it How long have you been together?  Give yourself some space and time to decide if this is truly how he is.

If trust is really important though,  this may not be the long term relationship for you 

Post # 6
Member
768 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Can you think of any reason why he wouldn’t have just told you upfront? It doesn’t sound good to me and the hiding photos feels like he knows what he did was wrong. I would ask him why he felt the need to lie in the first place and be very wary of how he acts in the near future 

Post # 7
Member
2922 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

Nope nope NOPE. If that was all it was, he could have been a grown up and texted you, “Hey, turns out it was Friend’s birthday this week and her friends brought her a cake — I’m going to hang long enough to have some, so feel free to eat without me if you’re hungry. I’ll text you when I’m leaving!” But it’s probably not that simple, since he felt the need to delete all those pics when he hoped you hadn’t noticed them. 

Post # 8
Member
331 posts
Helper bee

Definitely not something minor. If he was going to a bday party, he should have brought you along or at least told you about it (assuming y’all have been together for a while). Even if you haven’t been together for a while, he shouldn’t have lied. I’d definitely talk to him about it, tell him this is unacceptable, and see what happens from there. But if this becomes a pattern, I’d be out.

Post # 9
Member
11651 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

anonbee9893 :   It seems like he doesn’t respect your time at the very least, and integrity is not high on his list.

now that you know these things, you need to decide if that is what you want more of. 

Post # 10
Member
3738 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

anonbee9893 :  Hmm, thats a tough one bee. I don’t think he was up to anything shady, since you saw pics of a party on his phone, so that’s good. He’s clearly remorseful but I would be pissed that he tried so hard to hide it. Why wouldnt he have just sent a quick text stating the it was friends bday and they were have a party so he’s going to stay a bit to have some cake? It’s a little concerning that you were upset to the point of tears just because he was late getting coming over. I get that you have legit reasons to be pissed now, but at the time, you thought he was doing work-related stuff. I get being diappointed when things don’t go the way you’d hoped or you dont get as much time together as you wanted, but why did this have you in tears?

My SO did something similar when we were still new-ish. We were LDR and texted eachother once we got home. He usually forgot to message, so I messaged him about 30 mins after he should have arived home and he said he was home safe. The next day on the phone he mentioned something about stopping at a friends place for a couple hrs on his way home. I asked him about his text saying he was home safe and he immediately apologized stating he didnt know why he didnt just say he was at his friends place. I know this friend, I would have had absoutely no problem with him going there so he had no reason to lie. He felt awful and apologized a lot, said he’d understand if I was furious and if I wanted to message the friend or his gf to confirm that he was there (may seem a bit over the top but we have both been cheated on a bunch so we have lots of boundaries in place to make us both feel a bit more comfortable). Because he was so remorseful and the next time I saw that friend he’d mentioned something about SO being there, I wasnt too worried. Pissed that he’d lied about something dumb, but I’d decided to let it slide this time. It hasnt happened since, so I’m glad I let that one go. 

Post # 11
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee

Red flag. I won’t go so far as to say he cheated on you, but this is the yellow brick road to that behavior. 

Post # 12
Member
9588 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

ugh.. if he had just not mentioned the party when he came home I could’ve shaken it off.. maybe it was a small detail he didn’t care about (he was focused on two of the guests who were in his field, say).  But grabbing his phone to delete the photos is sketch AF.  It’s a concious decision, the morning after, to attempt to carry this lie to the grave so to speak.  It’d also make me wonder if the reason he asked me to wait up for him rather than go ahead and eat was because he knew if he acknowledged he would be late you’d realize he was at a party. 

Like you said just telling you the truth would’ve been *fine*, but he chose to lie instead because he felt it may be slightly easier on him.  I’m not interested in liars, especially someone who will lie with so LITTLE to gain from it.. that sounds bad and its not that I think it’d be OK if he had a lot to gain, but its more.. if you’ll lie about this what the hell wont you lie about?

Eh, I’d move on, personally.  If this were my husband I’d go to counseling first, but I don’t think going to counseling with a boyfriend is worth the effort.

Post # 14
Member
9809 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I don’t get why if that’s what happened he would need to lie? I mean surely it would be reasonable to say “Hey, it’s so and so’s birthday and they are going to do a cake for her so I’m going to hang out until after that then head home.”

Just weird. Makes me feel like there is more to the story. 

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