- 2 years ago
Going anon for this one.
Tl;dr: Boyfriend met up with female friend last night to discuss work related stuff, came home much later than he said he would and never told me about the birthday party last night turned into.
Yesterday my boyfriend went to see a friend of his to discuss some work related stuff (they met up at her place). He left around 7 saying he would be back shortly. I was studying for an upcoming exam, so I didn’t mind being alone for an hour or two. Around 9 I started to get hungry so I called him to ask whether he was coming home soon (we talked about having dinner together earlier)– he said he would probably leave in about 20-30 minutes and asked me to wait for him. At 10 I get a text from him saying “Running a little late”. Around 11.20 he calls me to say he was in a cab on his way home.
He gets home around 11.45, I’m still at the desk studying feeling quite pissed. We’ve been quite busy lately so we’ve both been looking forward to spending some time together. He is looking very remorseful as he knows people being late is a huge pet peeve of mine. He said 2 other guys (friends of her) arrived who are quite experienced in his field and were giving him advice. Now I totally get how this happens every now and then, life gets in the way, etc – I never had an issue with that as long as he sent me a quick text. Anyway, we talked about it, I cried, he apologized over and over again, things are fine again, we go to bed.
We go out for breakfast this morning, I ask him whether he had fun last night etc, he goes into detail about the advice he got, and doesn’t mention much else. I really like the foam art thingy on my latte and grab his phone to take a picture as I left mine at home (we know each other’s passcodes and use each other’s phones occasionally). When I open the gallery to take a look at the picture I took, I see a bunch of pictures of a party and what seems like a cake and candles, but don’t really pay any attention thinking they could have been from another day. We were chatting, I’m done doing stuff on his phone, then he suddenly grabs the phone from my hands, says he needs to go to the bathroom (he just used the bathroom before we left, about 20 mins prior to that). He comes back, we’re chatting again, I grab his phone to edit the pic I took (he has a really good editing app) and notice all the party pictures have been deleted. I now get really curious and confront him.
He confesses saying the girl’s birthday was on Thursday, and her housemate got cake for her and asked him to stay a little longer. He was apparently so worried about me being upset last night that he didn’t want to tell me and make things worse as he thought I’d be really angry and he didn’t tell me this morning because he was so relieved things were back to normal again he didn’t want to upset me. At this point I’m feeling devastated as I never thought he’d lie to my face. I’ve never raised my voice, I’ve never been jealous, I never had an issue with him going out, I’m a very reasonable person and I never thought he’d have to worry about discussing something with me as I’m always doing my very best to be understanding. Why couldn’t he just call me last night to say he was staying another hour as it was her birthday?
He’s now extremely sorry, is worried about losing me, says he understands if I won’t be able to trust him again, and is fully owning up to his mistake. I came back to my place as I feel like I need some space to think about all of this. I’m finding it very difficult to get over his dishonesty. If he lied about something like this to avoid a potential argument (all of which could have been avoided had he been upfront with me, which he is fully aware of based on past experience) what will he do when we have bigger issues in the future? Has he lied to me in the past? Is he being completely honest with me now? I worry I never be able to fully trust him again. Trust is huge for me in a relationship.
I worry I’m overreacting as this was something minor, but I also don’t want to underreact and miss any red flags. I’m feeling heartbroken as this relationship has been absolutely perfect so far and I really thought I could trust him completely.
Any advice, bees?