Boyfriend lied about something minor – how do I get over it?

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
Post # 46
Member
75 posts
Worker bee

I’ve been in a relationship like this, where my boyfriend would lie about little things because he “didn’t want to get in trouble”. Stupid lies when I wouldn’t have even cared about the truth if he’d just told me upfront. For me having been through it, it would be a MAJOR red flag. I probably wouldn’t immediately break up but for me it would be a “If you ever do this again we’re over no hesitation” two strikes I’m out situation. I don’t think that when people do this it necessarily means they’re cheating or that they will cheat (although in my relationship, he did eventually cheat.) But it is always a strong indicator of immaturity and an inability to communicate effectively. It’s cowardice, basically, and I have no desire to hitch my wagon to a coward for the rest of my life. If someone hasn’t been in a relationship before and doesn’t know how to work through problems and gets scared in the moment of disappointing you and so lies about something dumb – ok, fine, once or even MAYBE twice we can talk through it, work on his communication skills, talk about why fights/disagreements are healthy and a normal part of a relationship, etc…we can see if it’s something he can overcome. But when it happens again,it’s a clear sign of a weak character rather than just inexperience, and it stops being something you can fix.

He’d be on VERY thin ice if I were you.

Post # 47
Member
1611 posts
Bumble bee

anonbee9893 :  I haven’t got any problems with being friends with the opposite sex but I have got a feeling that he’s worried that you might not be cool about it. 

 Anyway, it is still major red flags. Staying a couple of extra hours because it is someone’s birthday is not a big deal and it would worry me that it was worth lying to him. It usually means there is something more there or feels that something about it is inappropriate. I would also be wondering whether he lied about anything else, doing things like this breaks trust and it’s hard to get back.

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