Boyfriend lives in a dump/please help me

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 46
Member
370 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

Ugh.. Sorry but I stopped halfway cos I am already disgusted.

Post # 47
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I’m a bit confused. The title of the post is “boyfriend lives in a dump,” but you say he doesn’t live in the home you’re describing and hasn’t for quite some time. Where does he currently live, and what are the conditions like there? It’s very unfortunate that he’s let the house fall into that kind of shape, but if he hasn’t been living there I can imagine that he may have fallen into an “out of sight, out of mind” mindset or become overwhelmed to the point of just ignoring the problem as long as he could live elsewhere and avoid it. 

I’m very curious about how he maintains his current living space, as I think that’s far more telling than the condition of a house he doesn’t live in. If, somehow, you’ve managed to go three years of dating without his allowing you to see his living situation, then I would say you have more than one issue here.

Post # 48
Member
2509 posts
Sugar bee

livster : 

We three were very close friends from the word go. I was a late bloomer, socially, due to my childhood, and so I very badly wanted these relationships to work and to last. She was an amazing person apart from living with her. Passionate about wildlife conservation, a writer, very studious, but also a blast to go out with on the weekends. She was suprer spontaneous and energetic and ambituous and I think part of me just… wanted to be like that? 

So it caused me to put up with the living situation WAY beyond what I should have. But I snapped once her nasty extended to animal cruelty. I felt so bad for that poor dog.

  tiffanybruiser :  

Sorry to ruin your dinner! After I wrote the post, I thought… better go put a CN at the top!

The funny thing is – about a year later, when I was moving out of my narcissistic boyfriend’s place and into my own, I had to put this friend’s father down as a previous landlord as part of my apartment application.

Well, the apartments called me back and said I’d been denied, and when I asked why she said that he had answered “no” to “would you rent to this person again.”

I gave him a call – turns out, when he saw the damage his daughter had done to the house, she blamed it on the general fact that all three of us had gotten dogs around the same time. She said all the damage was just accumulated filth from ALL our dogs.

I was furious. I was like, umm, excuse me, my dog is literally a 10 lb furball angel from heaven. She couldn’t shew a molding if she TRIED. And she cerainly couldn’t have put 8 ft tall scratches into a door! WTF. Then I emailed him all the pictures I had taken and explained it was solely his daughter’s dog. He called the apartments and changed his answer and I got approved. Needless to say, I definitely let THAT friendship lapse.

gwenchilada :  

When she moved out of that house after graduation, she couldn’t take the dog back home with her. So she gave her to a guy friend of ours. I was relieved. HOWEVER, she neglected to tell him that the dog had a very strong prey drive and had actually LEPT onto the back of one of our neighborhood deer in the past!

He naively brought the dog back to his family home for the summer and the dog killed one of his family’s beloved cats. I can almost cry from thinking about it. Despite that, last I heard, he was keeping the dog and she was doing well, but I think literally anything would have been an improvement to her quality of life with that roommate.

All I know is there’s something deeply wrong with a person who can live like that and treat an animal like that. But I can see the correlation. If you don’t have enough respect for your SELF to not live like that, why would you treat an animal any better?

Post # 49
Member
231 posts
Helper bee

Your Boyfriend or Best Friend sounds like a real fixer-upper.

This just in:

Women marry guys hoping they’ll change

This just in:

They don’t.

Post # 50
Member
946 posts
Busy bee

My ex was almost that bad. I didn’t stay long enough to find out how worse it can become, but he would leave food/dirty clothes in the car and not get them out even two weeks later. When I was upset about it, he didn’t see how that would be a problem at all. He’s also generally gross, doesn’t take care of his own hygiene, and sees nothing wrong with it. I’m messy, but even I couldn’t stand it. I decided to leave because this is one of many issues that I couldn’t change about him and I didn’t want to waste my time being angry everyday.

Post # 51
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee

That is so gross, my worst nightmare. Messy houses give me anxiety too! Can you really imagine yourself living with this guy….. 

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