(Closed) Boyfriend making excuses to not get engaged

posted 5 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
44 posts
Newbee

Talk to him! Get more information and explain your thoughts about your future. You guys are partners and, if you are going to get married, will need to have serious conversations and make important decisions about your future together. Start now! Talk to him about it!

Post # 3
Member
9758 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

It sounds more like you need to sit down and have a serious conversation about marriage. Does he want to be married? Would he want to marry you? What sort of timeline would he be comfortable with (more specific than “when I have more money).

Post # 4
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

I know it sounds stressful but you have to sit down with him and bring up marriage and his and your time line,  wants and needs.  Put it all out there and don’t be afraid. Listen to what he says and see if it lines up with your wants and needs. Men are pretty simple.

Post # 5
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I agree with the other posters here. I think you should let him know how your feeling gently and ask him about marriage. I had that talk with my Fiance and I told him that I was starting to feel rejected by him and I didn’t like that feeling. Though he did end up proposing weeks later, I felt better by telling him how I felt. So, have a nice, romantic candlelight dinner and when the mood is right, ask the question πŸ˜‰

Post # 6
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Men can be funny about the whole “need to make enough money before getting married” thing. I wouldn’t jump to conclusions over that alone, but as PPs said, have a talk.

And above all else, have control over your own life. By which I mean don’t wait around for 9 years if he makes it clear that marriage is not in the future (for him or you as a couple).

Post # 7
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

TALK to him!  I think women get the opinion that they would be “nagging” if they talk about something like this but you aren’t.  Come up with a timeline jointly.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by anon618.
Post # 8
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2014

100K is allot of money ! It’s enough! 

I think you should sit down and talk to him . Tell him what you think about it and how that makes you feel. 

tell him how you see yourself and him in the future … But he also needs to know that you can’t wait forever ! 

I would not . If my man knows that I would love to get married and maybe have kids one day …And he keeps avoiding the thing or says ‘ maybe in a few years ‘ .. I would feel so upset . 

I would think he doesn’t see US the same way I do .

like I said I would sit down and talk to him . You tell him how you feel and you go from there .. 

Dont give up on your dreams .. don’t wait for somebody to wake up few years later when it’s already late 

Post # 9
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

LOL, how much more is he wanting to make?  That’s a nice cushion to get married?  I

I’ve been married 17 years in a minute….You can get married for a little of nothing these days. Even with gold or white gold wedding bands. Nothing fancy, it’s about commitment, love and trust, for richer or for poorer.  It shouldn’t matter?  When I hit my late 20’s, I knew exactly what I wanted and who I wanted. Men for some reason are so much behind us women. They are like a computer, you input the data and press enter. They would turn it on and evaluate the data later then it clicks and they get it. Like a delay reaction. In high school hubby and I dated, broke up because he was not ready at 19. Went our separate ways for 11 years and found each other and he realized that he made the biggest mistake in his life and even named his 7 year old daughter after me…HUH???. You know the saying…If you love something set it free. If it comes back it was yours, if not it was never met to be. I truly believe that too. 

I don’t know how much money he is wanting in life, but it’s not everything. I can see if he was broke, homeless, living in a car…but $100,000 a year?  WOW….what is the real reason?

Post # 10
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think thst definitely an excuse. Plenty of people get married on far lesser salaries. 

Post # 11
Member
6331 posts
Bee Keeper

Have a serious talk with him. It does sound like he’s just not into marriage with you though. 

Post # 12
Member
3936 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
michelle87:  

Sounds like your serious talk about it is overdue. If it were me, I’d bring it up. If he were unwilling to have such a discussion, I’d wish him well and move along. 

 

Post # 13
Member
3102 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Well it’s clearly not about money, he just doesn’t want to get married to you, at least not now or the near future. It doesn’t really matter why.

All you can do is tell him exactly how you feel. Then start considering how.long you are willing to wait. Factor in the time needed to begin a new relationship. Some people.wait years only to be disappointed,  but they genera did not want to look at the SO’s actions, preferring to believe things that he said. 

Don’t be like that. Look at his actions.  Right now they’re telling you he doesn’t want to get married.

Post # 14
Member
7556 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

View original reply
michelle87:  I am sorry but this sounds like a BS excuse on his part.

Post # 15
Member
568 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Sorry but I think that’s an excuse. How much money is he wanting to make? People have gotten married and had beautiful weddings with far less than a six figures. Definitely need to talk to him and figure out what is his timeline and he should know yours. Some people get the wrong idea that talking about marriage is setting an ultimatum or putting pressure on the guy and it’s not.

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