(Closed) Boyfriend of 4 year kissed another girl drunk.

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Should I stay with him or walk the other way.?
    Stay With Him : (7 votes)
    2 %
    Walk the other way : (306 votes)
    83 %
    Take a break : (47 votes)
    13 %
    Give it more time. : (8 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    1800 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I would be done. Its not just the kiss, he only stopped because he got stopped.  Bigger than.  You deserve better.

     

    Post # 3
    Member
    486 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    View original reply
    ashbarns:  like a pp said, he only stopped because he got stopped.

    and then he’s still messaging that girl about it!?!

    he lied to you. He was dishonest. Trust broken. He cheated. You need to dump him.

    Post # 4
    Member
    9525 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    Deal breaker for me. The kiss was bad enough but the fact he was not honest with you is so much worse. For me trust would be broken from the omission and a relationship without trust is not worth having

    Post # 5
    Member
    373 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2018 - City Hall

    Walk. Away. Nothing extra to stay and think about. He liked the kiss. He only stopped because he was walked in on. You deserve better. Get out, he’s a cheater and a liar, plain and simple.

    Post # 6
    Member
    4 posts
    Wannabee
    • Wedding: December 2002

     

    View original reply
    aushi:  I agree.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2011 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Why did he keep the conversation? You have to select the messages you want to save otherwise they disappear like pic and vid snaps. The whole thing is shady and no way would I stay.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1863 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    Deal breaker for me. He’s a liar and a cheat and i wouldn’t believe a word he says about it. What an asshole. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    44 posts
    Newbee

    Yikes that’s a tough situation… The deal breaker for me would be the messages even more than the kiss. He wanted more? Uhhh you may want to end that relationship.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1647 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    I could forgive the kiss, but the messages afterwards would be a lot harder.  I think if its a one time thing its something you could work through if you wanted to, but i would get a professional counsellor/therapist involved.  Sorry this happened bee

    Post # 11
    Member
    1606 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    ashbarns:  Sorry bee but this is a red flag and a deal breaker. 

    From what you have written he doesn’t even really sound sorry! And he didn’t seem to regret what happened because he said he wanted more, I’m assuming this conversation took place when he was a little more sober. I couldn’t be with someone when they think that it’s all ok to do this. Plus I think if the parents hadn’t walked in it would have become more. I would ask him what he would do if he were in your situation, is it ok that you kiss others and wish for more? 

    It is also the fact that he wasn’t open about it with you either. If you hadn’t found it you wouldn’t have known about it. I don’t think I could be with someone who didn’t even have the balls to be up front with him. Couldn’t trust him. 

    I wouldnt forgive him yet, forgiving him this quickly is telling him it’s ok to do this because you’ll still have him and ‘get over it’ quickly.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2110 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I’d be walking – he doesn’t seem to care, bragging about it to someone saying he enjoyed it and it stopped because her parents walked in not because he realised he is in a committed relationship? Deal breaker. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    555 posts
    Busy bee

    Agreeing with everyone else. Bad enough that he kissed you, but then he’s lying about it and even messages the girl about wanting more. Plus he only stopped because he had to. He’s a first class cheater. Dump him.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2057 posts
    Buzzing bee

    It’ll always be in the back of your mind. It would be one thing if he did it and admitted it to you and that was that but he did it, hid it, AND reached out to the girl? NOOOOO way. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    1301 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    Usually I’m in the camp of “a drunken kiss is totally forgivable” — but that’s in the context of the guilty party being very drunk, kissing/making out with a stranger, coming clean (unless agreed those sort of transgressions not be shared), and learning from the event to not put oneself in that situation again. 

    The situation you describe does not fit those criteria. The fact it was with someone he knows AND that he’s saying (soberly) that he wants more is HUGE red flags. This is no longer a drunken mistake, it’s him playing with fire. I wouldn’t be able to trust him when he’s around that girl, and for me that’s a sign that the relationship is over. I can’t be in a relationship without complete trust. You need to decide where you stand (both in whether you trust him and, if not, whether that’s a deal breaker for you).

    I think some serious conversations need to happen to determine what his headspace is like at the moment. And some serious reflection on your part before coming to any decisions.

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