Boyfriend of 4 years wants children with me… but not marriage

posted 2 years ago in Weddingbee
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  • Post # 61
    Member
    2395 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    Where in all of this is he looking after you? He expects to die young. If my husband expected to die young, he would put things in order so that I WOULD BE PROTECTED. He would ensure that our house would be paid off & that I wouldn’t be left homeless. He would make sure that I was financially stable. Yes, he would also take care of the kids, but I would be his priority as kids grow up.

    This person does not look after your best interests. He’s not a team player. He’s extremely selfish. Leave. Don’t look back. You deserve better.

    Post # 62
    Member
    2867 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2018

    joanne1992 :  You’re update makes me pretty sad OP. You can clearly outline multiple ways in which this guy is manipulative and yet you still have managed to find ways to justify his gross behavior in your mind and defend his actions. 

    He isn’t a good guy. Good guys don’t bully their girlfriends into leaving their whole lives behind to commit to them when they cannot reciprocate. Good guys don’t complain about the child support that they have to pay to care for their children. And good guys do NOT base their commitments off of how often a girl puts out. He’s a shit bag and you would be flat out dumb to deny yourself career advancement and happiness just to put all of your time and efforts (and money) into a man who doesn’t give a shit about what would happen to you if he weren’t around anymore. Go ahead, invest into a home that WILL eventually be taken away from you. Move to France where you have no support system. Give up a promising career advancement. Kiss this guys ass and see where you end up. 

    Post # 63
    Member
    365 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    Hi. This must feel so hard! It’s really difficult when you love someone so hard but you simply want different things! You need to ask yourself ‘am I willing to never get married, move to France, sacrifice friends, family and career and look after his child and your additional children and always have the thought that you were not as financially secure as you could be?’ What do you get out of this ‘deal’……a man? In relationships (not even marriages) you need to be a team. This relationship is very one sided and he’s willing to sacrifice your happiness to increase his!  I was in a relationship like this for ten wasted years! I’ve said this before but now I have met my partner, my previous relationship felt like a trial run. In addition my now fi was in a relationship before me. His ex was offered a job in London and that’s how they split. He said he didn’t want to move to London. She did and they tried long distance but it didn’t work. Marriage was also never on the table. Now he is honest that says he’s now realised that it wasn’t London or marriage that was the issue because he can’t wait to marry me! I work in the uk and was recently offered the prospect of a job in London. I think this is when it hit him! He would move to the end of the earth with me. Sometimes it is circumstances sometimes it’s simply a question of timing but this man is not willing to change a thing to be with you. No one can tell you to leave him. Only you can make that decision. You sound like a clever, successful, articulate, independent young woman who makes friends easily. Don’t regret the time you spent together. If nothing else he taught you what is important to you. The right one will come along and like me, this relationship will feel like a trial run. You will find happiness so do not compromise your whole self and your values. Good luck bee. 

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