(Closed) Boyfriend of 6 years moving…confused?

posted 5 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 16
Member
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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hintoflime:  I’m sorry that you’re going through this, and that suddenly your plans for the future are no longer compatible. At this age everyone is still figuring out what is wanted out of life, and sometimes that means big changes, which is why so few high school sweet hearts stay together in the long run.

Be honest with him that you don’t want to move to NYC, and that you’re willing to have a LDR until he graduates. Not wanting to move to NYC with him doesn’t have to mean the end of the relationship. But if it does, that just means you grew apart, and that’s okay. 

Post # 17
Member
4242 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I know my advice is biased, but I would move on.  Obviously his life is going in a different direction and it’s not fair of you to give up what you have where you are just to move with him.  It’s also not fair to expect he stays with you.

Here is my story: I dated a guy for 3.5 years and he accepted a job about 8 hours from where my parents lived.  I was extremely hesitant because I knew at the bottom of my heart that I did NOT want to live in the area he was moving to, but then I was offered a job in the area too (we were in the same field).  Again, I knew that was NOT what I wanted but I loved my boyfriend too much to let him go and end the relationship.  So I went against the warning flags and my gut instincts and I moved for love to be with him.  It crashed and burned.  I was miserable, but he loved his job and he loved the area.  I felt he was selfish for seemingly not caring about my needs, but he thought I was being selfish for wanting to move closer to home.  Long story short it crashed and burned and we broke up.  I was stuck in that job for another 7 months and then I moved home.  I was absolutely miserable during that time, but I had been MORE miserable when we were still together because he wasn’t at all a supportive partner.  That was the kick in the face that I needed to tell me that we were literally running in opposite directions.  He literally told me “I don’t like how close you are with your family” and that was pretty much the nail in the coffin of our relationship.

Again, I know my advice is biased, but your gut is very obviously telling you to stay with your parents to help take care of them.  I feel like you would regret your decision if you moved with your boyfriend.  If you wanted to try the long distance thing, by all means do that, but it really does sound to me like you are headed in opposite directions, sorry to say.

Post # 18
Member
1020 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Move on.

If you were committed, a long-distance relationship where you were only five hours apart would be absolutely doable. You could encourage him to follow his dreams, and he could encourage you to take care of your family, and there would be no need to end the relationship. But the fact that neither of you is interested in that compromise or in seeing the other person’s perspective really gives you your answer right there.

Post # 19
Member
4238 posts
Honey bee

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hintoflime:  

“and the plan is for me to move with him when I graduate. I’m really conflicted about this because I am very close with my family and friends and my mom and dad both have a lot of health issues. I would not be able to live with myself knowing that my parents are sick and have no help.”

 

When did this become the plan? You agreed at some point, he made plans for the school, but then you are now reconsidering? If so, then why wouldn’t he be upset?

 

I agree with PPs, that it seems that y’all are young enough to recognize that it may just be time to enter an LDR phase and see how things pan out. You never know. But, at some point, you need to prioritize him (or any spouse) above your parents.

Best wishes to you!

Post # 20
Member
1348 posts
Bumble bee

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hintoflime:  Time to move on. People change and they get different goals. You both may have wanted the same thing in highschool, but now you don’t. You’ll probably want different things 5 years from now too. Neither one of you is wrong. Don’t make things worse by clinging to a relationship that has run its course.

Post # 21
Member
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

The thing about being young is your plans change and that is OK.  I wish I would have had the guts to move out of state when I was in college!  I went to a school 45 minutes away from where I grew up, bought a house 25 minutes from where I grew up, and here I am.  

One day I woke up and told Fiance I want to move to Florida (we’re in Pennsylvania).  We will discuss the pro’s and con’s over the next few years while continuing to enhance our home for resale value purposes and decide from there.  

If you both aren’t willing to compromise then maybe it’s time to let him go.  It doesn’t mean you’ll never get back together but do you really want to resent him because you left home or him to resent you for not letting him chase his dreams?  Being young is about experiencing life and chasing those crazy dreams.  Right now you have nothing to lose except time.  

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