(Closed) Boyfriend of five years says he would marry me…..if it weren’t for my son

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Well the fact he entertains those thoughts should be a huge red flag. I know we say things we don’t mean in a moment of weakness during a fight, but I think you need to get into this more.

Please choose your son over a man like this, if that is his true character. It doesn’t matter how long you have been with him. There will be someone who will love your son like his own and want to grow a family, I promise.

Post # 4
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Just the title of your post says it all, break up with this loser. You don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t treat your son like he is his own.  If you did stay with him and you guys had kids he would probably treat your son differently and make him feel like an outsider anyways.

Post # 5
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Dump him. I know that we here on the Bee are often quick to jump to that conclusion, but there is a kid involved here, and this guy sounds like he has serious resentment toward your boy. You deserve better. Your son deserves better. 

Post # 6
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@mystical766:  That would really upset me.  He needs to accept your son completely, and you shouldn’t ever have to worry about that.  I say this coming from the position of future stepmom.  It’s not always easy being in that semi-parental role; sometimes it can really suck.  But when it comes down to it, that child is going to be a huge part of your life.  Your man should want to be supportive of and care for your son because he is a part of you.  If this is just hard for him perhaps he needs someone to talk to.  If he is unable to be what you need him to, there are plenty of other men out there.  It may hurt to lose someone you love, but a man who would only marry you if it weren’t for your son doesn’t seem worth it.

Post # 7
Member
3776 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

Why on earth are you with a man that says that to/about YOUR child?!  That is your child!  If you can’t bond my child, you need to be gone.  This not even close to what is best for your son, and he is supposed to be your top priority.  Is this difficult for you to figure out, really?  Seems like a no brainer as a parent.

Post # 8
Member
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@MrsPom:  THIS…..

I definitely think you need to think about WHY you want to marry him if he can’t accpet your son as a package deal…

Post # 9
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Echo the previous posters.  And if your son said that, he must have felt this way for a while.  Kids often sense things adults don’t.

Post # 10
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Wow. I wouldn’t even be considering a relationship with someone who would treat my child like that. Your son is your first responsibility and he deserves to have a step father who loves and cares for him. Your boyfriend clearly doesn’t. 

Post # 11
Member
599 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

He sounds like a keeper, not. If anyone said that to my child, they’d be out on their a$$, sorry…but that’s something that no adult should joke about with a child. If that sounds harsh, I’m sorry but he would be out if I was in your shoes. No excuses.

Post # 12
Member
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I would be very concerned about remaining in a relationship with someone who has that much resentment toward your child. 

Post # 13
Member
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

i hate to say this but as a mother i want to just scream because no one and i mean NO ONE would make fun of my son or do things to prevoke him. this guy sounds like a jerk and if you stay with him what do you think will happen to your son? have you ever grown up in a household where one parentla figure openly dislikes you? its not fun. that kind of sh*t causes an extreme ammount of emotional damage and you never fully heal from it. i got out of a situation like that  over 6 years ago and i still have very deep and very real self worth and trust issues.I cant beleive someone would say that in front of a child its sickening. I would have flipped and would probably need bail money….having kids means you are a package deal he cant just pick and choose which parts he wants and doesnt want… its all or nothing and i hope you can see that.

i know you may love him but pleasse think of you son and kick this chump to the curb before he does too much damage to your son

Post # 14
Member
1086 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I have a 4 year old from a previous relationship and I’m saying right now if my fiance EVER said anything about my daughter or myself as he said to you, he’d be kicked to the curb. I mean, he knew when dating you that you had a son. It wasn’t a surprise. He’s using your son as a way out from the sound of it. Hurt feelings or not, if your son had heard what was said, he would likely be more crushed than you were, do you want to put your son through that kind of pain? To get so attached to a father figure and have him ripped away? Not to mention the pain it will cause you. This isn’t his first time dodging the bullet so to speak on the engagement, it wont be his last unfortunately. You and your son deserve better

Post # 15
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

ouch. i can only imagine as your son gets older and voices the obvious resentment thats brewing between the two that things will get more difficult.  please dont choose a man over your son.  all relationships have ups and downs but not to the expense of your sons self worth

sometimes people we love say shity things to eachother (and kids will drive you to the edge) but your Boyfriend or Best Friend has already chosen NOT to propose to you (its been a year) so the red flags are there – you just need to see them

Post # 16
Member
4432 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

did he really say muffin? besides that…I think he’s a real ahole…an ahole waving a huge red flag  in your face.  

 

The topic ‘Boyfriend of five years says he would marry me…..if it weren’t for my son’ is closed to new replies.

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