Post # 1
I apologize for writing here, and I may sound completely pathetic. But I feel as if my dreams of family and love and marriage have been crushed.
Last year on a trip to Mexico, my boyfriend told me he was going to propose, but had no ring. So we went to the gift shop and picked up this ring for 50 bucks… I mean it’s not the ring that I care about. So I honestly thought he was going to propose. But as our trip progressed….nothing happened.
So jump a year to today’s date… Still nothing. And any mention of marriage, or a comment that one of our friends got married. We end up in a fight. He says that he feels pressured and wants to marry me when he is ready…
Now we have been through some ups and down with the fact that I have an eight yr old son from a previous relationship. Whom he was having problems bonding with, and often wousay not ever feel like spending time with him. I had thought we got over this rut. As he have been. Spending time as a family, even have a vacation to Disneyland planned. He teaches my son things and cares for him deeply.
Then yesterday happened and I’m heart broke… We were at the park, and my bf pretended to step on my sons remote control car… My son got upset.. And my bf called him a muffin… Which he always does when my son whines. Then he joked about stepping on a muffin. My son in turn says… Well that means you don’t want a kid, if you step on me…
This all sounds so retarted… Anyways. Th at upset my bf, to the point whe he walks off and says to me.. Maybe he is right, maybe I don’t want kids. Or maybe I just don’t want him. I tried to lighten it, and said Oh yes you do.. U want to have a baby andgrow our family. He says yeah with someone else…. I don’t know.
Post # 3
Well the fact he entertains those thoughts should be a huge red flag. I know we say things we don’t mean in a moment of weakness during a fight, but I think you need to get into this more.
Please choose your son over a man like this, if that is his true character. It doesn’t matter how long you have been with him. There will be someone who will love your son like his own and want to grow a family, I promise.
Post # 4
Just the title of your post says it all, break up with this loser. You don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t treat your son like he is his own. If you did stay with him and you guys had kids he would probably treat your son differently and make him feel like an outsider anyways.
Post # 5
Dump him. I know that we here on the Bee are often quick to jump to that conclusion, but there is a kid involved here, and this guy sounds like he has serious resentment toward your boy. You deserve better. Your son deserves better.
Post # 6
@mystical766: That would really upset me. He needs to accept your son completely, and you shouldn’t ever have to worry about that. I say this coming from the position of future stepmom. It’s not always easy being in that semi-parental role; sometimes it can really suck. But when it comes down to it, that child is going to be a huge part of your life. Your man should want to be supportive of and care for your son because he is a part of you. If this is just hard for him perhaps he needs someone to talk to. If he is unable to be what you need him to, there are plenty of other men out there. It may hurt to lose someone you love, but a man who would only marry you if it weren’t for your son doesn’t seem worth it.
Post # 7
Why on earth are you with a man that says that to/about YOUR child?! That is your child! If you can’t bond my child, you need to be gone. This not even close to what is best for your son, and he is supposed to be your top priority. Is this difficult for you to figure out, really? Seems like a no brainer as a parent.
Post # 8
I definitely think you need to think about WHY you want to marry him if he can’t accpet your son as a package deal…
Post # 9
Echo the previous posters. And if your son said that, he must have felt this way for a while. Kids often sense things adults don’t.
Post # 10
Wow. I wouldn’t even be considering a relationship with someone who would treat my child like that. Your son is your first responsibility and he deserves to have a step father who loves and cares for him. Your boyfriend clearly doesn’t.
Post # 11
He sounds like a keeper, not. If anyone said that to my child, they’d be out on their a$$, sorry…but that’s something that no adult should joke about with a child. If that sounds harsh, I’m sorry but he would be out if I was in your shoes. No excuses.
Post # 12
I would be very concerned about remaining in a relationship with someone who has that much resentment toward your child.
Post # 13
i hate to say this but as a mother i want to just scream because no one and i mean NO ONE would make fun of my son or do things to prevoke him. this guy sounds like a jerk and if you stay with him what do you think will happen to your son? have you ever grown up in a household where one parentla figure openly dislikes you? its not fun. that kind of sh*t causes an extreme ammount of emotional damage and you never fully heal from it. i got out of a situation like that over 6 years ago and i still have very deep and very real self worth and trust issues.I cant beleive someone would say that in front of a child its sickening. I would have flipped and would probably need bail money….having kids means you are a package deal he cant just pick and choose which parts he wants and doesnt want… its all or nothing and i hope you can see that.
i know you may love him but pleasse think of you son and kick this chump to the curb before he does too much damage to your son
Post # 14
I have a 4 year old from a previous relationship and I’m saying right now if my fiance EVER said anything about my daughter or myself as he said to you, he’d be kicked to the curb. I mean, he knew when dating you that you had a son. It wasn’t a surprise. He’s using your son as a way out from the sound of it. Hurt feelings or not, if your son had heard what was said, he would likely be more crushed than you were, do you want to put your son through that kind of pain? To get so attached to a father figure and have him ripped away? Not to mention the pain it will cause you. This isn’t his first time dodging the bullet so to speak on the engagement, it wont be his last unfortunately. You and your son deserve better
Post # 15
ouch. i can only imagine as your son gets older and voices the obvious resentment thats brewing between the two that things will get more difficult. please dont choose a man over your son. all relationships have ups and downs but not to the expense of your sons self worth
sometimes people we love say shity things to eachother (and kids will drive you to the edge) but your Boyfriend or Best Friend has already chosen NOT to propose to you (its been a year) so the red flags are there – you just need to see them
Post # 16
did he really say muffin? besides that…I think he’s a real ahole…an ahole waving a huge red flag in your face.