(Closed) Boyfriend offered to set up an "engagement ring fund" to motivate me. Thoughts?

posted 9 months ago in Beehive
  • poll: Engagement ring fund?
    Do it! : (13 votes)
    20 %
    No thanks : (49 votes)
    75 %
    Comments to follow : (3 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 16
    5696 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2018

    I don’t really understand your question. From your post it doesn’t seem like this will motivate you as nothing else really has. You need to stop making excuses for yourself, if you don’t have time to go to the gym most days a week then eat less. Losing weight is 80% diet so no one is “too busy” or “too tired” to lose weight. 

    Having a healthier diet doesn’t link into engagement in my mind to I don’t see why this is something you need to do before getting engaged.

    Post # 17
    9926 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    I thought you were the one who isn’t ready for marriage. So what’s the point I guess? If you aren’t ready to get married then losing the weight and having the money won’t really matter, will it?

    In your past thread you had several other things to accomplish before feeling ready for engagement so O don’t see how this will do anything at all. 

    Post # 18
    532 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2018

    I don’t think that will help motivate you. It’s better to have many small goals then one large goal. Having one large future goal will cause you to feel like you have sooo much time which will cause you to procrastinate in your efforts and it will be discouraging when you feel like you aren’t making progress. 

    A healthy weight loss is 1-1.5lbs a week. If you lose weight too fast its likely to come back easily. So make your goal to lose 4-5lbs a month from today. You will feel much more motivated to continue if you achieve your goal so you want to make it doable. Use a calorie counting app and exercise 5 times a week.  You don’t need to run or anything like that if your body can’t do that just yet. Just make slow progressions on your walking speed. 

    Post # 19
    6835 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2016

    I guess I don’t see the point…? Didn’t you just make a post the other day about how you weren’t ready or wanting engagement now? So how will a ring motivate you? 

    Post # 20
    138 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2019 - Beverly Hills, CA

    Echoing everyone else: what is a cunnilingis credit card???

    You do realize you should do whatever you can to be healthy at all parts of your life, right? Getting engaged or married shouldn’t be motivation to get your shit together and take care of yourself, especially since you already said your doctor is concerned with your health. 

    Also time is not an excuse. It doesn’t seem you have kids so what do you do after you get home from work? I’m at work easily 45-50 hrs a week but always make time to work out so that I can take care of myself on the most fundamental level. It’s not just a matter of looks or dress size, it’s about taking care of the only body you have. 

    Post # 21
    271 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2019

    I mean…I get it, but I don’t. It’s totally understandable to want to take extra weight off, but why does an engagement ring need to be the motivater? Being thin has nothing to do with getting engaged…? That just sounds like an uncomfortable situation to me, as if being thin is the only way to get a man to marry you.

    I would find another way to encourage motivation, like having special date nights when you hit milestones, or even just keeping a journal to remind you how you feel when you eat healthy vs. when you eat bad.

    Post # 22
    30 posts
    • Wedding: September 2018

    Pretty good advice here from the bees. I think you need internal motivation rather than external motivation. The question is, how do you get that internal motivation?

    To use a popular phrase getting thrown around right now, you need to find something that “sparks joy”. You seem to be looking ahead to the future of engagement and wedding as your “spark joy” events, but as you can see – they are too far in the future to  spark joy for you now.


    I think you need to get off the treadmill and do something merely to please yourself. Sacrifice on of your days at the gym and devote that time to a hobby or interest. Even just wine and books with friends – whatever will give something back to you. You’re working too hard.



    Post # 23
    483 posts
    Helper bee

    Seriously a cunnilingus credit card? Are you really not going to go into detail about that??? Lol 

    Post # 26
    412 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2019

    Do I even want to know what a “cunnilingus credit card” is? 😳

    I guess I don’t understand why you’re “stalling” on losing weight just because you probably won’t be getting engaged this year. Do you feel self-conscious about the weight you’ve put on or uncomfortable in your own skin? Why spend another day feeling that way when you could be feeling your best? Why spend more time being unhealthy and feeling like crap when you don’t have to? 

    I saw a previous post of yours where you said you and your boyfriend are holding off on engagement until you each make some self-improvements. Is weight loss the only thing you’re working on, or are there other goals too? Either way, why not get this done sooner rather than later, so that you can get engaged sooner?

    I get that it’s hard to get started and establish new habits, but as they say, why put off until tomorrow what you can do today?

    Post # 28
    269 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Maybe I’m not very imaginative, but even though you said a “cunnilignus credit card” is exactly what it sounds like, I still have no idea what it is…

    Post # 29
    1037 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2018

    ispeakingifs :  you don’t need to excersze to loose weight I personally have lost 30lbs with just diet !!!! 

    I will be doing excersze when warmer weather comes 

    I didn’t read your whole post but man or no man ring or no ring you can loose the weight if you try. I have a desk job and see all these ppl eating chips and fast food all day getting fatter and fatter which I was doing until I decided to make the life changes in my diet 

    I’m a mother of a one yr old and 2 yr old and am so busy and have nearly no energy to exercise so this is where I came up with ratting to loose weight because excersze was just making me to tired. I also had a C-section which makes it even harder so I know you could do what I’m doing just to get you going 


    Here’s what I eat in a day to give you an idea


    Large flaked oats and blue berries 175ml with tea or coffee and a splash of milk

    Lunch chicken breast baked with SPG, spinach and lettuce salad with a HOMEMADE oil dressing – seasoned rice vinegar garlic Dijon mustard and EV oil 

    1-2 boiled eggs


    apple or a veggie ( red peppers, carrots, broccoli )

    Coffee with splash of milk 


    Chicken baked cooked veggie and a small serving of pasta or patatoe but not every night 

    No large amount of milk 

    No box cereal 

    No sugar on anything 

    No sweets 

    BssiBasic try to eat as much natural foods as possible nothing packaged – once in a blue moon is how I do the package food rule 

    No alcohol 

    This is what has worked for me so worth a try for you especially if you are not motivated to work out 



    Post # 30
    883 posts
    Busy bee

    A few years ago, I hit 150 lbs. I’m 5’5”. I’m pre-diabetic. I’m now 145, but its all muscle. People don’t believe me when I tell them how much I weigh—it’s kind of fun. Instead of just cardio, I decided to start weight training. I get off work at 5, then head to the gym for an hour; I get there by 6 with traffic. I’ve been going religiously for about 3 years now. It’s turned into a hobby for me. I look at pictures my overweight self and can’t believe how different my body looks. The best part is, I feel like I have endless energy. So now, it’s an easy routine to stick to because it’s so rewarding. An engagement ring shouldn’t be your reward. 

    Pack your gym bag the night before, and head straight there after work. Go on weekends too. Did you go to college? Attending class is mandatory. Make the gym mandatory. You will thank yourself in as little as a couple of weeks when you start seeing and feeling changes. And do this for yourself, not your dress or your wedding, or a ring. This has to be something you commit to for life. Make your doctor proud! 😊

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