(Closed) Boyfriend offered to set up an "engagement ring fund" to motivate me. Thoughts?

posted 9 months ago in Beehive
  • poll: Engagement ring fund?
    Do it! : (13 votes)
    20 %
    No thanks : (49 votes)
    75 %
    Comments to follow : (3 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 46
    Hostess
    9670 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

    So if you dont meet the goal will you still get engaged?

    I dont see why you cant just do it. You know what you need to do, why does someone need to dangle a carrot for you? And I agree with PPs… if the “credit card” didnt work, then what’s different about this? 

    Post # 48
    Member
    1231 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Sansa85 :   Charliejeorge :   MissCtoMrsR :  I assume it means if she goes to the gym, he will give her more oral sex. Like a reward card more than a credit card.

    ispeakingifs :  It’s totally up to you what is going to make you feel motivated, but IMO if your motivation isn’t coming internally from you then it isn’t going to stick.

    To be perfectly honest, it sounds to me like you are in a rut and some sessions with a professional (ex. a life coach) might help you figure out where your plans are going wrong and what you can do about it.

    Post # 49
    Member
    85 posts
    Worker bee

    It’s simple. When you truly want to make a change you’ll do it. Until then, no credit cards or engagement funds or whatever will matter. It sounds like you’re close, but not quite there yet. For what it’s worth, I’ve had this internal battle with myself many, many times. When I finally wanted to change, I did it. 

    Post # 51
    Member
    756 posts
    Busy bee

    ispeakingifs :  So work on making lifestyle changes and bettering your mental health and overall lifestyle. That’ll be a great investment, and grit and discipline are like muscles in that it gets better with you working on it.

    Like a PP said, it could be very beneficial to see professionals to help you deal with this–whether that’s working with a nutritionist, a therapist, and/or a life coach. 

    Post # 53
    Member
    18 posts
    Newbee

    Comment moderated for TOS violation – criticizing lifestyle choices

    Post # 54
    Member
    363 posts
    Helper bee

    ispeakingifs :  Hey I started dating my FH 18 months ago, we’ve both slacked on dietary and exercise habits, have both started intense advanced degree programs, gained about 10-15 pounds each, both been through stressful moves and life events, and guess what? We’re engaged to be married. He and I dont need to change each other before we devote our lives to each other. We’re both committing to each other as well as working on getting back to healthy lifestyles together. Even the healthiest people go through emotional and physical fluctuations. You can’t just dangle metaphorical carrots over each others heads (ie “engagement fund”) until you whip back into shape. And newsflash, you re not in a healthy relationship. Hes emotionally manipulative. “Do this sweetie and I’ll love you enough to marry you” red flag alert. And if you need carrots dangled in front of you to change then you’re not ready for a serious relationship as itll be a constant cycle of carrots, failure, carrots, failure. 

    Post # 56
    Member
    85 posts
    Worker bee

    ispeakingifs :  I hear ya! I had a similar experience or “awakening” with my fiancé. For most of my life I was always “on.” It was go, go, go! Eventually, I tired out and just started cruising. Total fatigue and disenchantment with many areas of my life. Then I met my fiancé, who is super inspiring. His drive is immense, and he takes each day as an opportunity to push himself to the next level. He is very disciplined. Like your bf, he is super motivated to going to the gym and being fit. 

    Being with him made me realize I was on autopilot (which is step 1). But, that alone wasn’t enough for me to change. After that, I watched him go to the gym day in and day out, wishing I had the same motivation for months! One day I just reached a level of discomfort with the status quo that I could no longer tolerate. That’s when I finally made the change. 

    It sounds like you’re close as well. You’ll get there! Don’t be too hard on yourself. When you’re ready, you’ll know and you’ll do it.

     

     

    Post # 59
    Member
    1121 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2019

    ispeakingifs :  Get ready for truth bombs.

    If you want to be better – be better

    If you want to be a morning person – be a morning person

    If you want to be healthy – be healthy

    These aren’t things you wait until you “feel motivated” to start doing. You do them from right now. Set your alarm earlier and get up. Put the fork down, or even better, don’t pick the fork up to begin with.

    Don’t wait for motivation. It won’t come, and when it does, it’s fickle as fuck and will abandon you in 3 days like a cheap one-night-stand.

    Motivation hates you, and wants to burn down your house.

    Just do it.

    Post # 60
    Member
    275 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2029

    californiasun :  I agree, there are other ways to support your partner and I find it strange that the ring is the motivation.  Sounds like is trying to change you because wanting your partner to be healthy is one thing, but dangling engagement in front of you is something different.  What’ll happen when you lose weight?  Is he ever going to propose or is it always gonna be do this=engagement ring?

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