Post # 46
- Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL
So if you dont meet the goal will you still get engaged?
I dont see why you cant just do it. You know what you need to do, why does someone need to dangle a carrot for you? And I agree with PPs… if the “credit card” didnt work, then what’s different about this?
Post # 47
DrAtkins : I don’t know. I think I’m bored and comfortable. Such dumb shit -.-
Post # 48
Sansa85 : Charliejeorge : MissCtoMrsR : I assume it means if she goes to the gym, he will give her more oral sex. Like a reward card more than a credit card.
ispeakingifs : It’s totally up to you what is going to make you feel motivated, but IMO if your motivation isn’t coming internally from you then it isn’t going to stick.
To be perfectly honest, it sounds to me like you are in a rut and some sessions with a professional (ex. a life coach) might help you figure out where your plans are going wrong and what you can do about it.
Post # 49
It’s simple. When you truly want to make a change you’ll do it. Until then, no credit cards or engagement funds or whatever will matter. It sounds like you’re close, but not quite there yet. For what it’s worth, I’ve had this internal battle with myself many, many times. When I finally wanted to change, I did it.
Post # 50
thetulle : Being with my boyfriend has made me realize how many other things are lacking. Being with someone who engages me and makes me laugh, who I wholeheartedly enjoy being around every day, puts into perspective which aspects of my life don’t fit that bill. I don’t expect everything to be as amazing as my relationship. I mean, I want to spend my life with him, I know I won’t fall in love with everything I try.
I never realized I haven’t been genuinely happy for a majority of my life until I met him. I’ve coasted for so long, it feels good to get a push. Now I want to build my own momentum.
I want to be better for me, him, us, and our future family.
For those who have asked why it matters how since we wont get engaged this year: my emotional and physical health are my only to-do list items. And neither of those are short term goals. I cant really say “oh I want to get engaged in three months, I’ll start now”. These are lifestyle changes.
Post # 51
ispeakingifs : So work on making lifestyle changes and bettering your mental health and overall lifestyle. That’ll be a great investment, and grit and discipline are like muscles in that it gets better with you working on it.
Like a PP said, it could be very beneficial to see professionals to help you deal with this–whether that’s working with a nutritionist, a therapist, and/or a life coach.
Post # 52
anabee323 : That’s actually the other thing :/ literally the only two things I need to work on to improve my happiness and quality of life. I’m in a much better place now because I can recognize this, but starting is another thing.
The last time I went to counseling was two years after my sexual assault and I went because I was broken. I was having panic attacks from walking a dog at night and I couldn’t sleep more than half an hour alone. Going to therapy for improvement and some maintenance is new, before I went because I needed major fixing.
ETA it’s been five years since my assault, so much better place now but still polishing.
Post # 53
Comment moderated for TOS violation – criticizing lifestyle choices
Post # 54
ispeakingifs : Hey I started dating my FH 18 months ago, we’ve both slacked on dietary and exercise habits, have both started intense advanced degree programs, gained about 10-15 pounds each, both been through stressful moves and life events, and guess what? We’re engaged to be married. He and I dont need to change each other before we devote our lives to each other. We’re both committing to each other as well as working on getting back to healthy lifestyles together. Even the healthiest people go through emotional and physical fluctuations. You can’t just dangle metaphorical carrots over each others heads (ie “engagement fund”) until you whip back into shape. And newsflash, you re not in a healthy relationship. Hes emotionally manipulative. “Do this sweetie and I’ll love you enough to marry you” red flag alert. And if you need carrots dangled in front of you to change then you’re not ready for a serious relationship as itll be a constant cycle of carrots, failure, carrots, failure.
Post # 55
noname1234566 : Old enough to not make personal attacks on other people’s lifestyles, unlike you. I explained my relationship in a later comment, let me know if those words are too big for you. There are legitimate sexual crimes going on in the world and you are shaming me for my consensual sexual relationship with a man who loves me? How dare you. Get a life.
Post # 56
ispeakingifs : I hear ya! I had a similar experience or “awakening” with my fiancé. For most of my life I was always “on.” It was go, go, go! Eventually, I tired out and just started cruising. Total fatigue and disenchantment with many areas of my life. Then I met my fiancé, who is super inspiring. His drive is immense, and he takes each day as an opportunity to push himself to the next level. He is very disciplined. Like your bf, he is super motivated to going to the gym and being fit.
Being with him made me realize I was on autopilot (which is step 1). But, that alone wasn’t enough for me to change. After that, I watched him go to the gym day in and day out, wishing I had the same motivation for months! One day I just reached a level of discomfort with the status quo that I could no longer tolerate. That’s when I finally made the change.
It sounds like you’re close as well. You’ll get there! Don’t be too hard on yourself. When you’re ready, you’ll know and you’ll do it.
Post # 57
nikkiv1313 : If you need to shame someone look in a mirror. I have explained my relationship dynamic in previous comments and posts, which you obviously have not read. At least I realize I need to work on myself, with a personality like yours you must have that guy fooled to get him to marry you.
Post # 58
thetulle : Thank you bee.
Post # 59
ispeakingifs : Get ready for truth bombs.
If you want to be better – be better
If you want to be a morning person – be a morning person
If you want to be healthy – be healthy
These aren’t things you wait until you “feel motivated” to start doing. You do them from right now. Set your alarm earlier and get up. Put the fork down, or even better, don’t pick the fork up to begin with.
Don’t wait for motivation. It won’t come, and when it does, it’s fickle as fuck and will abandon you in 3 days like a cheap one-night-stand.
Motivation hates you, and wants to burn down your house.
Just do it.
Post # 60
californiasun : I agree, there are other ways to support your partner and I find it strange that the ring is the motivation. Sounds like is trying to change you because wanting your partner to be healthy is one thing, but dangling engagement in front of you is something different. What’ll happen when you lose weight? Is he ever going to propose or is it always gonna be do this=engagement ring?