Boyfriend overly affectionate/sometimes clingy- what to do?

posted 1 month ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Well,usually weekends ARE spent with significant others. You don’t have to spend the entire day with him, but wanting to avoid him all weekend signals bigger problems.

Post # 4
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

elena91 :  well you have to be honest with him. Just tell him that you love him but need alone time. I always let my Darling Husband know when I need to spend time alone or with a friend and he knows that it’s nothing personal but that I just need that time to recharge. Even at home I’ll let him know sometimes that hey , love you but I need to be alone for a bit, am tired, drained, etc and then I go and do my own thing and he keeps busy by doing something he likes. Some people get drained by being together too much and it’s healthy to have some time and space away. Explain it to him in a gentle way and then do your own thing. He might need some time to adjust but call it ”me time” and he will get used to it. Good luck.

Post # 5
Member
499 posts
Helper bee

Do either of you have hobbies? 

Example.. my husband enjoys golf. I like DIY projects and visiting the small local shops in our city. So both of those generate the alone time that we each need. It’s not that he spends the entire weekend golfing, and I don’t spend the entire weekend out shopping, and it’s not that we do this every single weekend… but during the few hours that we do spend apart once in a  while during our coordinated “me time” we are able to focus on ourselves and relax and just enjoy the moment to breathe. It’s not at all that we don’t want to be around each other– we just understand that we need to have some time to ourselves to keep that “balance”. 

I like this article on it. https://www.meetmindful.com/balancing-alone-time/#

Also, you say that you have been together for two years but he has become clingy in the last six months. What changed that may have caused the clinginess?

Post # 6
Member
7457 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

elena91 :  

He does not sound healthy.  Does he not have friends or interests of his own?  Does he get upset when you insist on doing something without him?

I’d be very wary of this one, he’s trying to isolate you.

This isn’t needy or clingy behavior, it’s just designed to make it look that way so you’ll feel guilty for “abandoning” him.  This is about controlling you.

Post # 7
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I disagree that his behavior is unhealthy or isolating…perhaps it is for you, but in general I wouldn’t say so—assuming he’s like my Darling Husband and myself who actually feel recharged by spending time together over anything else. He loves you so of course he wants to spend all his time with you. That might not be how you personally work though, and that’s okay…but you should definitly communicate that to him.

It’s kind of like a love-language…he may want a relationship that’s highly involved. It’s possible you two aren’t compatible in that sense, but it’s certainly possible that he’ll be willing to back off if you ask him to. 

Post # 8
Member
3677 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

sassy411 :  Woah, I think that’s a massive leap from the information in the original post! All we know is that he wants to hang out with her on weekends, including coming along on errands etc. That’s hardly crazy or unusual for a two year relationship. If it’s not working for the OP that’s one thing, but many people would be very happy with this. 

Post # 11
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Wait, it sounds like you two aren’t on the same page. He wants to get married and have children, while you do not?

Post # 12
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

It sounds to me like you have your answer to his sudden clingy nature. I’m guessing your talk about marriage and kids didn’t go exactly as he hoped and he feels he might be losing you or that he needs to draw you closer.

I agree with PP that you two need to make sure you’re on the same page about the future of relationship, especially being 2 years in.

Post # 13
Member
4090 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I need more “me” time than my husband does and so I take it. When I need time to myself, I just let him know “Hey, I’m going to take some time to myself to go do x,y,z. No, you can’t come along. Because I want to think my thoughts by myself.”

Just ask for what you need.

Better yet- take it. You don’t need his permission and if you’re trying to be in a successful partnership with him, he needs to be prepared to deal with your ways of being that are less than comfortable for him (like you needing more personal time than he does) just like you have to (like him needing more together time than you do).

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