Boyfriend owes a lot of money and I pay for everything…

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
5035 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

A good relationship isn’t solely based on love. You will want someone who is financially responsible and respectful/considerate of you.  This person is using you with a complete disregard of what financial position he is putting you in by continuing to use you as his personal piggy bank without paying you back.  You are, without a doubt being taken advantage of.  Listen to your gut, this guy showed you his true colors early on.

Post # 17
Member
1689 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

When you feel like you’re being taken advantage of, usually you are.  Shut down the bank and see how quickly the relationship will deteriorate.

Post # 18
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

He’s doing this seven months in? Wow. I’d be gone.

if he’s doing this to you so early on, you’d be signing up for a lifetime of dealing with his shitty financial management skills and bailing him out. 

What is he spending all the money from his full time job on anyway?!

Post # 19
Member
4856 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Dump. 

Post # 20
Member
12291 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Love isn’t always enough. Money issues are a main cause of arguments and divorce. So is lack of honesty, integrity, and reliability. When you say it’s “just” money and you don’t want it to come between you I think deep down you know better. 

And yes, he’s using you. 

I’d think long and hard before signing up for a lifetime of this. Personally, I’d be out. 

Post # 21
Member
2099 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

He is not horrible with money — he is actually quite good with it. His savings plan is to keep his money in the bank and to use yours instead. I’m sorry Bee, but my take is that he is not in love with you, but loves that you essentially support him financially. Try this experiment: the next time you are out together and you go to buy something say, “hey, can you get this?” If he says he can’t, say “oh that’s a bummer. I can’t cover it either. Oh well.” My guess is after a few times of doing this, he will stop taking your calls and disappear. He is using you. Sorry, Bee.

Post # 22
Member
1055 posts
Bumble bee

eve2018 :  You are definitely being taken advantage of. He borrows money and doesn’t pay it back?  

Do you enjoy being his free ride?

And you’re only 7 months in?

Put your foot down. This is ridiculous. 

Post # 23
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee

If he has such an easy time taking your money and lying to your face now (lies that he knows you will find out about) think about how much worse he will be when he feels more comfortable with you.

He doesn’t respect you and has no intention of paying you back. Leave now, it won’t change. 

Post # 24
Member
8918 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

eve2018 :  The reason you keep loaning him money and paying for things is because you know if you don’t, he’ll stop being your boyfriend. Right? He flat out lied to you — said he lost his card when it was right in its little slot in his wallet the whole time. He’s not awful with money. He’s damn good with money, he’s awful with people. This isn’t love. Find your self-respect and dump his user ass.

Post # 25
Member
588 posts
Busy bee

You say you feel bad bringing this topic up….he clearly doesn’t feel bad about using for money so if you want to stay with him before you start resenting him – though it sounds like that is already happening – you need to start asking some questions. 

Why doesn’t he every pay for things? 

if he has no money, why is that? He works full time so what the hell is he spending his cash on to leave him unable to pay for anything at all? 

He isn’t ashamed to have you pay for everything so I think you shouldn’t be ashamed to start asking some questions. 

Post # 26
Member
693 posts
Busy bee

Run. 

Post # 27
Member
637 posts
Busy bee

eve2018 :  Money is one of the leading causes of divorce, so I would work this out now and save yourself some heartache in the future 

Post # 28
Member
10027 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

He’s using you. You’re letting him.

Post # 29
Member
6300 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

WUT?!!!! Girl, stop. You are being played and, at this point, it’s all your fault. I hope your man has some serious skills in the bedroom because you are a sugar mama for a gigolo who you KNOW makes more money than you. That is unacceptable.

I would get brutal about calling him on his money bullshit “You have borrowed X amount of money from me and have been really casual and flaky about getting it back to me. You need to pay me back ALL of the money you owe me. Immediately. in CASH.” and then DUMP HIM, delete his number, ignore his ass like a fart at a funeral.

Unless you are explicitly signing up to be the money person in a relationship, do not let anyone do this with you in the future. Some guy you just happen to be spending time with and sleeping with needs to borrow money – “nope- call your mama. That’s not my role.” He’s going to send you money but it “doesn’t come through” DON’T GIVE HIM MORE MONEY AFTER THAT!!!!

You might just need to cut him loose and chalk this up as an expensive lesson learned. If you’ve been putting up with this foolishness for MONTHS, I don’t think you’re going to be able to call him out and get your money from him. Your boundaries are too soft and permeable.

Post # 30
Member
500 posts
Busy bee

“What bank are you with? It’s weird that when you e-transfer me money there always seems to be an error. Let’s go to your bank branch right now together and you can withdraw the full amount you owe me. That way you won’t have to worry about it anymore”

Walk out of the bank with your cash and dump his ass. 

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