Boyfriend said he \"should kill\" me. Benign or sign of things to come?

posted 5 months ago in Relationships
  • poll: Is it;

    Something

    Nothing

  • Post # 2
    Member
    64 posts
    Worker bee

    him texting a friend that he should kill you is a huge red flag and should not be ignored. I would talk to a trusted friend or family member about this and figure out how to approach this while staying safe. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    351 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    I would run for the hills. Best case scenario is he was “joking”, right? But given the huge number of women all over the world being killed by their intimate partners, that’s a really sick thing to joke about. So even the best case scenario would be a dealbreaker for me. 
    worst case scenario is terrifying. Why risk it? 

    Post # 5
    Member
    296 posts
    Helper bee

    I have no idea if it’s something or nothing but I know I wouldn’t wanna stick around to find out. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    1465 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2020

    I am so confused. Lets clarify

    Your best friend met your boyfriend and said she got bad vibes about him.

    Your boyfriend was watching the show YOU. The premise of the show is that Joe, a serial killer, develops an obsession for Beck. Peach is Beck’s best friend. Your boyfriend identifies with the serial killer character. He likens Beck to you, and Peach to your best friend. He said he should kill Beck and Peach. 

    Did I get that right?

    Here’s what blows me away. YOU CAN’T TELL IF YOUR BOYFRIEND IS SERIOUS ABOUT WANTING TO KILL YOU???  What the actual fuck! If you don’t know a man well enough to know whether he’s joking about wanting to hurt you, don’t marry him! Don’t stay in a relationship with him! Get the fuck out!

    His comments WERE weird, even as a joke. We’re not talking about suspecting your man of cheating, or hiding a gambling addiction, or struggling with drugs. YOU THINK HE MAY WANT TO PHYSICALLY HARM YOU. Your spidey senses are tingling.

    You deserve to be AND feel safe in a relationship. You don’t feel  safe. You don’t know for a fact if you are safe. You talked to your boyfriend about this, but you’re not assuaged. 

    That’s all I need to know to tell you to GET OUT. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    1147 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2019

    It’s definitely very odd to text a friend about killing your significant other and their friend. Did you ask this mutual friend what they thought about your boyfriend? It’s a warning sign to me that the mutual friend felt the need to tell you and didn’t dismiss it as just the way he is, some people are weird and make strange jokes regularly. Why did the friend tell you? Are they worried about your safety? Safety isn’t something to mess around with.

    I also wouldn’t tell a guy I was barely dating that my best friend disliked them. I’d just say we wanted “girl time” and leave it at that. How explosive was his reaction? Did you feel unsafe?

    I wouldn’t marry anyone I thought could kill me…

    You should only marry someone you feel completely safe with.

    Post # 8
    Member
    524 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2021

    I know a lot of bees will disagree with me but that’s why, for me personally, I wouldn’t get engaged to someone after only 1 year.

    People can be on their best behaviour for a year (especially if you don’t live with them) and as you can now tell, there are already cracks showing in his facade.

    My second boyfriend was essentially a manipulative, jealous sociopath but you would NEVER have known this from the first six months to one year of us dating. It was honestly frightening how quickly this charming, loving guy descended into a raging, manipulative, lying, cheating and ultimately scary person. It was a lot to deal with emotionally at only 19 and took me nearly another two years to leave him.

    It’s hard to know how MUCH this relates to your SO but it doesn’t sound good. That’s a really unsettling thing to ‘joke’ about, and now you know what he is like to deal with when he has flown off the handle.

    My advice is don’t convince or tell yourself that he will go back to how he was, or lament about the beginning of your relationship. Always focus on what you are dealing with right NOW. If your SO is giving you bad vibes, scaring you, going into rages and threatening you then that is who he is and it is what you are going to deal with in your married life together. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    524 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2021

    And just to add – I’m in no way criticising bees that do get engaged quickly. I know that it can work for some couples and that’s awesome. My post was just an anecdote about why I personally wouldn’t do it based on my negative experience. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    1127 posts
    Bumble bee

    Please run! This is what Investigation Discovery is made of….”We all thought he was just joking….”

    Post # 12
    Member
    1147 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2019

     

    View original reply
    peach11 :  I completely agree, it takes time to really know someone. I do not want to agree to marry a person in the honeymoon phase and on their best behavior. I want to see the worst before I agree to spend my life with someone. I wouldn’t get engaged until after the two-year mark minimum. But that’s just my personal opinion.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1127 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    RLT :  can you describe the circumstances of how you were told? Maybe something for lost in the retelling?

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