(Closed) boyfriend says im overly.. part 4

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’ve read your other overly Parts 1-4, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.. I would run and never look back, he seems to have some anger/respect issues. 🙁

Post # 4
Member
5371 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

@Jerseygirl23:I agree!

I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this, he sounds like he doesn’t know how to respect you and it’s not your responsibility to teach him. You mentioned in one of your posts on the waiting board that you think he’s getting closer to proposing and now he’s willing to do counselling. I think you should definitely make an appointment and try to work everything out. If you don’t think counselling is worth it anymore, or you think it hasn’t helped him after you try it out, then definitely leave. It seems like you’re not happy unless you’re talking about engagement stuff and you seem really caring so I’m sure it wouldn’t be hard for you to find another guy willing to propose in a heartbeat 😉

Post # 5
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT of there!! Enough is enough hon!! You don’t deserve to be treated like that. Just get the crap out of that relationship. It’s for your own good. ((HUGS))

Post # 6
Member
1543 posts
Bumble bee

I’ve skimmed parts 1-3, and I have to agree with most everyone else. Leave. Get far, far away, and don’t look back.

Look at it this way: If one of your friends were acting this way towards you, would you continue the friendship? Or would you say ‘see ya!’ ??? I realize that love makes a difference, and makes it all more difficult, but do not put up with treatment you don’t deserve. From anyone. Romantic relationship or not.

 Just my two cents. Good luck.

Post # 7
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@Impatiently waiting: I hate to be one of those people who tells you to run, but I really think you’re in a dangerous relationship. This isn’t going to work out. He has zero respect for women (evident by his other rants on women as soon as you do something he doesn’t like), and he’s going to keep getting worse if you marry him.

Please try to go somewhere safe and stay there. I can’t see this relationship ending well and you’re going to need all of the support you can get.

Post # 8
Member
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

I know it’s easier to tell someone to leave than it is to actually do it, but run far, far away. As fast as you can. 

Post # 9
Member
296 posts
Helper bee

“you were doing the thing women do

There’s those sexist remarks again. =/

Post # 10
Member
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My bf and I go back and forth when talking on the phone to other people, or when we’re talking to other people.  He will tell a story and I will interject and correct a detail, and he will do the same for me.  It’s not something I would think to be mad about, also bf and his family are SUPER big on politeness and they’re fine with it. (they correct my grammar, in a nice way)

That being said, I don’t think it’s right to get angry over the fact that you were trying to tell him something.  That is Major red flag!  I’m usually the girl that makes excuses for everyone and let’s alot of things slide, but I have to agree with the other posters that’s a dangerous situation.

 

Post # 11
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I have to say that you should really reconsider the reasons why you’re still with him.  Anyone upsets you enough to prompt a sequel like this isn’t worth it (I went back and read all 4).  I’m really sorry, but the guy is nut.  You don’t sound unreasonable or difficult AT ALL..Unless you’re jumping up and down in front of him and being obnoxious like a 2 year old when he was on the phone, he could at least tell you in a more respectable manner to not distrupt his convo. 

Do you think maybe he’s just under a lot of stress or what not?  It really doesn’t excuse his behavior, but wow..i wouldn’t last a day with someone like that.  My fiance thinks it’s the cutest thing in the world when i’m overthinking things.  When he sees me getting worked over something or even nothing, he would wrapped me up in his arms and tell me we’ll figure things out together.   

Post # 12
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee

Boyfriend sounds quite immature and not ready for a relationship with a woman.  Why’s he even want to be with one if he dislikes them so much. 

Post # 13
Member
591 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Your bf sounds like he has major ANGER MANAGEMENT and respect issues! I agree with troubled that he is extremely immature. This doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship. I am in agreement with the other bees, time to let go of this!! 

Post # 14
Member
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

How many “parts” to this story will there be? You need to leave!

Post # 15
Member
5371 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

@ohheavenlyday: If I could ‘like’ your post I would (:

Post # 16
Member
1730 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I’m going to voice an opposition right here to most of the “get out of dodge” advice, simply because it’s really easy to call someone on bad behavior, but we have no idea what regular day to day life is like for you guys.  This sounds like a major stress period for you both, and I’ve alway read that you shouldn’t make big decisions like leaving a relationship, even in cases of extreme cheating, until you’ve had at least a month or two to consider things when you’re able to find a less emotional time to mull things over.

I’m pretty sure there’s a lot of redeeming qualities about your SO that make you want to try to work on this relationship AND marry him, so I know simply telling you to leave is not going to help you.  I will state that this only if he’s not belittling you constantly in an abusive manner (making sexist comments isn’t abusive – it’s rude and there is a difference – I’ll get to that) or physically abusing you – if that happens, then by all means your best choice is counseling of some sort, either together or individual.

I think it sounds like you’re in a “argument” cycle right now, where both of you are poking each other’s sensitive nerves.  He’s probably a bit stressed about his “deadline” coming up in about 4 mos according to your other posts.  You’re living together, but I’m not sure how long tha’ts been, and if it’s pretty recent, you may have hit the “OMG, I’m just getting to know this person entirely at least” stage.  I’m not excusing his behavior, I’m just saying that with ANY living arrangements there is stress, be it parents and gorwn kids, roommates and SOs – you WILL push each other’s buttons.  Add to that a prevalence in our society to trivialize “emotional” reactions to things, the idea (thanks to some Bridezillas) that woemn only want a ring and a white dress and they guy could be anyone, possible meltdowns of the OPs which only reinforce that idea, and then the day to day irritations two people can cause for each other and you end up in argument limbo about silly, insignificant things that turn into major blow ups – like interupting a phone conversation.  It asn’t the phone incident that made him storm out.  It’s just another irritation piled on top of everything else you’re trying to work through.

My SO is very bad about blanket statements about women, too.  I know exaclty why he does it, he had a pretty assertive (sometimes controlling) mom and older sister.  He’s the middle kid in a female dominsted family with a dad who acquieses to almost all his wife’s wishes, no matter how it inconviniences him, hurts him or so on.  Also, a lot of women we’ve met are “princesses”, who brag about how men exist to buy them things and then can be changed weekly.  He’s had a lot of bad experiences with women, so I understand when he starts ranting, and usally just let him get it out, as I know I”m not doing what he’s talking about, and that in a few minutes the verbal diarehha will be over and he’ll be done.  It’s similar to how woemn who were abused have plenty to say about how “all” men are controlling abusers, just waiting to use violence. We all know that all men are not abusers, jut as I’m sure your SO knows that all women aren’t greedy gold diggers or worse. 

Not to sound like Freud, but how is your BF’s relationship with his parents, particularly his mom?  What is his birth order?  Was he the kinda spoiled youngest, the super responsible oldest, or the forgotten middle child like my SO?  Some people, men AND women really don’t have good coping skills for disagreements.  My SO takes any argument as a personal slight – he got upset once that i like my eggs cooked differently than him (he thought I hated his cooking – his sister criticizes his cooking, so it’s a sore spot).  I know how he deals with things, and I CAN see that hes been working on things and honestly he’s made progress.  I was physically and emotionally abused as a child, and I can say that my BFs temper tantrums are not the same thing.  It’s just his poor way of dealing with frustration – no one taught him how to react as a child, and he’s behind as an adult. I realize that when the tea pot blows its spout, most of what comes out is ridiculous exaggeration and its not what he’d say in a rational state of mind, so I kinda blow it off until he clasm down, and then we can work together on the problem.

I’m not with him because he’s a perfect person, and it’s not realistic to expect anyone to be.  You and your SO both need to come to terms with how you feel about each other’s faults – you are upset at how he’s been addressing you about “over anylizing”, and he’s upset with you for not just letting it rest (sometimes you can’t solve things by talking it over and over… you need to find a way to spend some GOOD time together witout mentioning anything for a few day.  Picking at the wound (“over analyizing”) will never give it a chance to scab over, and you’re just telling him her’s right – you over analyze everything.  I hope this makes sense and I’m not coming down on anyone, I just think we have expectations of people to behave perfectly all the time, and once someone reveals their angry self, which is a natural part of them, modern society tells you to ditch them becuse they can’t manage their emotions perfectly all the time.  We’re not Vulcans.  That said, I hope you can break the cycle and look at your recent exchanges and decide if this is abusive, contrcutive criticism, or just him venting about one topic because another is weighing on his mind, and then decide if this is still the relationship you want forever.  I hope things go well for you either way.

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