Boyfriend says we will discuss marriage closer to when we plan to start a family

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 196
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee

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kayaa :  No need to get worked up. If she doesn’t like what I have to say, she can ignore my comment.

I personally would be disappointed if someone made no plans or effort and proposed in the kitchen. Who said anything about a grand proposal? How much effort does it take to propose at a nice restaurant or something similar?

It’s like he put no thought into it. The least he could have done was propose during their vacation that he has planned, to make a day that they will experience only once memorable. 

Post # 197
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee

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BuzzedBumblingBee :  Longer wait? Maybe of a few days, but at least he would have made her day memorable. He told her he’s taking her for a vacation after he got the ring, and then proposed in the kitchen. You would think the point of booking a weekend trip would be to have a nice proposal.

And it’s great that he has agreed to get married within 6 months, but that’s not my point. He is not a believer in engagements and marriages, fine. Many people marry only for their significant others, but that does not excuse putting such little thought into a special occasion.

Post # 198
Member
1356 posts
Bumble bee

I think it is lovely that he proposed before the trip. Who cares if it was in the kitchen at home? (OP doesn’t seem to.) Maybe he was full of love and anticipation and couldn’t wait another second to make you his fiancee! How sweet!

Now you can go on your holiday calm, happy and excited without wondering if or when.  A pre wedding mini moon! Congrats!

Post # 199
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

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mel76 :  How you would feel in her situation is irrelevant because it’s not your proposal!

I think that taking her for a trip to celebrate their engagement is effort.

Post # 200
Member
292 posts
Helper bee

Congratulations, OP!

 

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kayaa :  This is not the first time I’ve seen someone make rude or snarky comments about other people’s proposals, especially when the bee had been waiting a long time. I don’t know how people can post such responses when someone is clearly very happy. 

 

Post # 201
Member
1812 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

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mel76 :  when you’ve been waiting many years, even a few days can feel like a long time.

I also felt that a thoughtful proposal was important for me personally. Part of a thoughtful proposal is the timing, and the proposer’s attitude while proposing. If OP’s FH had handed her the ring box, and said, “Here you go, is that what you wanted?” I would have been the first to question whether this was a shut up ring. The location was not “thoughtful” (read, romantic) but his enthusiasm was apparent in OP’s update.

If you have doubts about OP’s FH’s willingness to commit based on what you see as a lackadaisial proposal, then of course it’s appropriate to bring it up. This is an advice forum. If your only criticism is that the proposal didn’t meet your personal standards, saying so is kind of rude. It’s in the same vein as saying, “Congratulations, but that ring isn’t my style.”

Post # 202
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee

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BuzzedBumblingBee :  As I said, I’m not trying to question his commitment, because he agreed to a quick engagement and marriage within 6 months, and he’s already delivered on the former. He, as OP said, doesn’t believe in marriage and engagement, and he is doing this for her. He knows how much it means to her. He also knows that it’s hopefully a once in a lifetime occasion. He didn’t have to do something big, but being more thoughtful or considerate of what this means to her doesn’t need anything big. Like I said, booking a table at a nice restaurant or even just waiting till they got to their vacation would require minimal effort but he would have made the proposal memorable. 

Post # 203
Member
292 posts
Helper bee

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mel76 :  If you read her post, she’s happy he proposed now and didn’t make her wait till the weekend. He told her that he would propose within one month and maybe this was his way of surprising her for all you know- book a vacation but then propose earlier when she’s least expecting him to. This way they can go for their trip relaxed and enjoy every minute of it. She won’t be wondering every second whether he’s about to propose. 

Post # 204
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

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mel76 :  OP herself said that she’s thrilled he did it soon after he had the ring, as pp mentioned. She said she had been asking him if he had the ring, so maybe he thought doing it asap would make her happiest rather than an elaborate proposal on their trip. The timing of doing it soon after he got home certainly suggests that he was responding to her excitement rather than making no effort. 

You may prefer a restaurant proposal or going somewhere exotic to do it, but OP is happy and that’s what matters.

Post # 205
Member
239 posts
Helper bee

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mel76 : People often propose without rings and at home. As long as it’s heartfelt, who cares that he didn’t propose on vacation or whatever other suggestions you have? He loves her enough to get engaged and married despite initially being opposed to marriage in principle. OP knows that too and I highly doubt she cares where it happened. 

Post # 206
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee

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lavender9 :  I would have the same opinion if someone proposed on the couch or in bed with no planning or thought. It’s one of the most special occasions of a person’s life, why do the bare minimum? And if there is no ring, I would have to wonder if someone’s just cheap or lacks commitment if he proposes without a ring when the girlfriend has not previously said that she doesn’t want a ring. Some men leave it until later and just get their partners to pick the rings. Why not go ring shopping beforehand? Couldn’t be bothered?

Post # 207
Member
218 posts
Helper bee

Congratulations OP and have a lovely holiday!

 

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mel76 :  How about you stop projecting? Maybe OP’s boyfriend should have okayed his proposal plans with you before he proposed. Hope he has apologized sincerely for not checking with you first.

Post # 209
Member
2080 posts
Buzzing bee

Awesome! Congrats bee! So happy he surprised you by proposing earlier! Instead of making you wait it out, trying not to get your hopes up for the weekend, you get to enjoy it being newly engaged! 

Post # 210
Member
285 posts
Helper bee

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mel76 :  I don’t want to get involved in an argument, but as a waiting bee I second what a bee said above. As long as the proposal is heartfelt, it’s all that ultimately matters. I will likely be waiting for some time due to our circumstances (long distance), but if my boyfriend proposed today at his home or mine, I would be over the moon, just as I would be with a big proposal. 

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