Boyfriend says we will discuss marriage closer to when we plan to start a family

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 211
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee

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mel76 :  I kind of agree with you, but my issue would be that her Fiance doesn’t value marriage. I would never marry someone who was fundamentally opposed to marriage. If I were the OP, I would think long and hard before marrying a man who thinks it’s a piece of paper. There is a mismatch in values here and could create trouble down the line. 

Good luck OP whatever you choose to do.

Post # 212
Member
268 posts
Helper bee

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saturnian :  OP knew and she still wants him. Maybe he is a good partner and what she wants in a man. It is extreme to say he lacks values or imply he’s not fit for commitment.

Post # 213
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

I am a bee who’s fiance is not the kind of person to get excited about marriage. I moved in with my FH like three months into our relationship. Looking back that was totally too soon- but it worked for us. Circumstances played out and it ended up happening. He ended up being the BEST person I have ever lived with. I played the waiting game- we bought a house a couple of years ago… For us, the communication was always there so it wasn’t really a question of getting married- just when. Maybe that’s why I waited as long as I did. We were already living that commitment, he just wanted to get his ducks in a row first financially. Now I am doing the lion’s share of the planning (which is fine, I HAVE A VISION [and a need for control when it comes to party planning lol]) and he’s not super enthusiastic about it, but he knows it’s important to me and I know he’ll have a blast once all of the celebrating starts happening. He’s definitely a type A kind of guy mentioned earlier. Starting this thread I was getting a little hyphy about people’s responses about his lack of enthusiasm but with the updates the tone changed and I am glad for that. I am glad that he realized he wants you in his life, and if that means making compromises he is willing to do it because he is COMMITED to you. I am so thrilled that you’re engaged and get to begin this new chapter of your lives together. Just don’t be shocked if he’s not super into wedding planning. My FH is not- most of my friends have the same dynamic. Most men I know aren’t all about party planning… BUT the few opinions FH throws out there- I’m like DONE- you got it babe. 

 

ENJOY your holiday, ENJOY your engagement and all of your future adventures with your FIANCE!!!

Post # 214
Member
292 posts
Helper bee

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beetobe27 :  Yeah. I just realised after reading the first post that they’ve only been together 3 years. It’s not like he’s being dragged down the altar after years and years lol. 

Post # 215
Member
285 posts
Helper bee

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chocco :  Yes and 3-5 years is just right in my opinion.

Post # 216
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee

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chiara :  What’s with the overreaction? I’m simply stating my opinion, not projecting. You don’t have to agree. 

Post # 217
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee

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mel76 :  Somebody got engaged and instead of being happy for her, you are making mean comments. There is a place and time to share opinions and this isn’t one.

Post # 218
Member
85 posts
Worker bee

Many congratulations! Enjoy your engagement.

Also it’s a bit weird that people are so bothered about someone else’s proposal and arguing if it was good or not lol

Post # 219
Member
572 posts
Busy bee

OP, congratulations! I love reading outcomes like this, they really showcase the beauty of honest communication between two people who have differing perspectives.

I’m kinda laughing at the nit-picking responses after your fiance has come such a long way toward embracing your needs in a relatively short period of time, not to mention how happy you sound. Personally I think it’s incredibly sweet that he went for a low key proposal the moment you got home instead of dragging it out over a trip (which you probably would have had a hard time enjoying while constantly wondering when it was going to happen). Now you can enjoy your “engagement moon” freely and peacefully with your sweetheart 🙂 . 

Post # 220
Member
285 posts
Helper bee

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ecrisrien :  That’s what I was thinking reading these responses too. 

He’s come a long way and it’s lovely to see that he cares about her needs despite his beliefs. Proposal sounds sweet as well!

Post # 221
Member
268 posts
Helper bee

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aquamarine22 :  Not uncommon on message boards for people to get caught up in details and miss the big picture :p

Post # 222
Member
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

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cremecaramel :  CONGRATS!!! This is so exciting! I hope you had a ton of fun on your engagement celebration trip!

I actually think it’s very sweet that the couldn’t wait to propose to you during the weekend he had planned. Prince Harry also proposed on a regular night while he and Duchess Meghan were making dinner. 

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mel76 :  Just because it’s not your style doesn’t give you license to be outright rude about OP’s proposal. You can post whatever you want, but don’t expect people not to push back when they think what you are posting is uncalled for and derailing an otherwise happy ending for OP. That’s how posting on a forum works.

I actually give the OP’s fiance a lot of credit for planning a romantic getaway, but seemingly getting excited enough (as shown by the playfulness and grinning about the ring), and being considerate enough to propose as soon as possible. I don’t think that shows lack of effort at all, because he DID put in a bunch of effort to plan a trip for them. And IMO, the way you know that a guy is crazy for you is if he proposes sooner rather than waiting even a second. It shows that he couldn’t wait for the trip to propose and also that he seems considerate because OP now no longer has to wonder when they’re getting engaged. He went forth, made his intentions known, and planned a romantic getaway for them. And they got to go on the trip to celebrate their engagement, which is also very romantic!

Post # 223
Member
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

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saturnian :  I agree with 
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beetobe27. You certainly don’t have enough information to say that he is not fit for commitment. Marriage doesn’t define commitment–there are couples who are completely committed to one another who don’t want or need marriage, and there are plenty of people who are married who are not actually committed to one another.

What I see is a couple who are in a committed relationship and both want to build a future together. This guy sounds like he doesn’t need marriage to be committed, but he is willing to put that aside and to meet OP’s needs to make her happy. This is to say that he is putting her happiness and need for marriage first in this situation, and that actually shows a lot of love, consideration, and commitment from him.

Post # 224
Member
9443 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Congrats!! Sounds like a very sweet proposal, I love quiet, simple proposal stories 🙂

Post # 225
Member
268 posts
Helper bee

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franklymydearidont :  Completely agree with your post.

I think some of the unkind comments are because OP’s fiance doesn’t believe in marriage, so a few bees are assuming he didn’t put effort because of his views on marriage perhaps? I don’t think there was a lack of effort from what she described. But even if anyone thinks it’s not special or memorable, I’m not sure why they would say that here and dampen her happiness.

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