- 3 weeks ago
dnm998 : Hi
How did you convince him to get married and how did he finally see the benefits of getting married?
I am having this problem with my boyfriend. He does not believe in marriage like your fiance said he did not. Nothing I say convinces him, so could probably do with a bit of advice.
Apologies for the late reply but I have only just seen your message.
I suppose what helped the most was that I was completely honest with him that I could not move in with him and continue the relationship if we could not marry soon. I felt unable to wait until we were trying to conceive to know whether he would marry me because we are planning to have children in 3-4 years and not any time soon. We had been together for 3 years at that point and I felt it was time to get married. He said that previously I had not outright said that our relationship was not going to work unless we got married. I had told him that I wanted marriage but I made the mistake of agreeing to talk about it later, closer to having children, and then spent a long time sulking and resenting this decision.
This summer, I told him that I needed to know now whether we were getting married or not. He was very upset that I backed out from moving in with him at the time, but I explained my thoughts about wanting to feel secure in our relationship and he said that while there were several reasons because of which he did not agree with the institution of marriage, his views were not so strong that he would let me go over them. He said he would rather get married than lose me and breaking up over it was unthinkable, and that he wanted both of us to be happy and plan our future life together. He said it was just not worth fighting over everyday and he wanted to settle down with me and if this was only going to happen with marriage, then we will get married within the following few months. He proposed quite soon after that, and we are getting married in two months from now.
I would say that you should tell him that marriage is non-negotiable for you and that to build a life with him, you need this commitment from him. I hesitated for a long time and I wish I had spoken up sooner. It was really so much easier than I thought it would be once I told him, so don’t hesitate and be straightforward about what you want.