Boyfriend stopped giving me oral and sex became boring

posted 5 months ago in Intimacy
Post # 17
399 posts
Helper bee

zeebee1 :  We have all been there.  I know I have vented when I have been really frustrated at lack of sex, spark or kinky fun.  The passion was missing for a long time.

I was already seeing a therapist for other problems in my life that didn’t concern my relationship with my SO.  However this one particular session my therapist asked how my sex life was going and I said it was pitiful, passionless, boring and pointless.

My therapist actually came out and asked my SO to come into the room and we just sat talking to each other with the therapist in the middle assessing from an outsider’s point of view.  

Maybe you can have a session with a cheap therapist in your area?  Therapy does work.

Post # 19
399 posts
Helper bee

zeebee1 :  Venting online is a form of relief.   When you guys are ready you should do it.   Hopefully your SO has had time to think over what you said and maybe discuss further into what can be done.  Is there any sex self help books that might interest you both?

Post # 20
1868 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Honestly this might be very random but I would just tell him “we’re gonna do 69” next time he’s in the mood. Oral doesn’t have to be the appetizer, it can be the main course 😜 he gets off, you get off.

Post # 22
194 posts
Blushing bee

I’m sorry but I don’t see this working out. You deserve so much more.

Post # 24
1357 posts
Bumble bee

zeebee1 :  “so it just sucks that something as small as sex is making this big shadow.”

Sex is never a small thing. Sex is so much more. 

Bee, this last post has me worried. He sounds disinterested and checked out. I am so sorry, but you guys need to have a heart to heart. Is is really “all in” or is he just going through the motions of your relationship because it’s comfortable?

It’s not okay his lvel of disinterest for your pleasure. Sure, we all have little dips at times (stress, a busy day at work or just being tired ornot in the mood) but he doesn’t appear to be even making an effort. This speaks of bigger issues. 

Post # 25
5498 posts
Bee Keeper

zeebee1 :  I don’t see the problem with the computer game thing. You guys had a pleasant date night, went home and had sex, he put in more effort than usual at your request, cuddled for awhile, had what seems like a productive and thoughtful convo about how to continue improving sex in the future. Then he wanted to play a game. I feel like that’s fair! I would separate the game thing from the sex issue cause they don’t seem related to me, unless maybe I’m missing something. I feel like you’re at BEC (bitch eating crackers) level with him at this point. 

To me it sounds like progress was made! Who cares if he played some games afterwards?

ETA: I say this as someone who almost never goes to bed at the same time as Darling Husband, so maybe my perspective is skewed. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird, and neither of us is willing to bend on this so we just go to bed at wildly different times. 

Post # 27
5498 posts
Bee Keeper

zeebee1 :  “I guess somehow after a nice night together his thought after cuddling wouldn’t be turning on the computer and start killing people in the room where I’m falling asleep naked at midnight.”

LOL – thank you for the morning giggle. I see what you mean…kind of a mood killer. Glad you are feeling better about it in the light of day though.  πŸ™‚ 

Post # 28
742 posts
Busy bee

You said you have been having sex where you don’t orgasm or he gets a hand job. Why is he a priority and you are not? Don’t get him off until you get off yourself. I am tired of it being considered normal for the man to get off but not the woman. I wouldn’t even bother having sex then. There would be no point. 

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