- 3 months ago
TL;DR at end for your convenience and sanity. 😉
So…Christmas Eve, as I was getting ready to leave for a half-day at work, my boyfriend asked me if I’d ever considered changing “the order of things,” in regards to our timeline. I asked him to briefly clarify, and he said something to the effect of he was wondering if we should get married sooner, do the proposal later and then have a very small intimate celebration with people in my hometown (we moved away in July) afterward as a “wedding” party of sorts.
From what I could deduce, he got excited when my engagement ring was delivered about a week ago and now he is impatient to make me his wife. Which is sweet, but…I have some logistical concerns.
For all intents and purposes, we are already engaged. He bought the ring, it’s been in the house about a week, I got a sneak peek to try it on and scrutinize it, it had an uneven distance on two prongs and it’s going back to MoissaniteCo for adjustment. So it’ll be gone for a couple weeks, which is fine, I’m not bothered. The plan has been, as I was told, for him to propose in the spring. Asking formally is important to him, I’d be fine with anything and my only requirement is that it be just the two of us and simple. I don’t want the social media moment. It’s not my thing.
I didn’t have time to really get into the nitty gritty with him. So I went to work and was perplexed for my four hour shift.
When I got home, we went to Buffalo Wild Wings (don’t judge, he loves it, haha) and had lunch. Since I had his full attention, I asked him to continue our conversation.
He reiterated that he saw the ring and got excited, and I gently told him that I wasn’t opposed to his ideas but I had some questions about this potential scenario.
Here are my concerns:
-Would we tell everyone we’re married, or keep it a secret until the celebration with our loved ones?
-Would we exchange rings at the courthouse? I’m traditional in the sense that I want to wear a ring of some kind once I’m married, and I want him to do the same. It can be super inexpensive, but I want something to symbolize my commitment.
-Why can’t I have my engagement ring now, if he’s so excited? I’m happy to wait until springtime as he originally planned, but if I’m going to marry him soon, I want to have at least my engagement ring. We could always exchange our wedding bands at the celebration with loved ones, but I don’t see the purpose in not getting my engagement ring now.
-Doesn’t it seem weird to get married without an engagement ring if we already HAVE one in the house? Will I wear a wedding band of some sort and then later add my engagement ring? This just seems so strange.
-Why bother proposing AFTER we’ve signed the marriage license, etc? I already said yes? It’s not a vow renewal “will you marry me again” thing he’s talking about, it’s THE proposal. I’m confused as to why he even thinks it’s needed. “Will you be my fiancée, wife?”
He didn’t have concrete answers because he didn’t think that far ahead. I told him I’m just a little puzzled about the proposal after the marriage and I’m also trying to prepare for the confusion others might have. I know I don’t have to explain our decisions to anyone, but I think this scenario justifies my loved ones and his loved ones being kind of confused.
I’m sure you all can’t answer these questions, but I just am looking for some feedback or at least validation if I’m right to have these concerns. I don’t want to take the wind out of his sails, but I think he got excited and over-eager and jumped the gun a bit without considering the whole picture. I love that he wants to marry me sooner, and I am definitely on the same page, but the withholding of my ring until after the marriage seems bizarre and I don’t know how to field all the understandable questions I’ll get from the people who love me and are excited for me and my new husband, if we were to do this.
TL;DR: My boyfriend suddenly/randomly wants to get married sooner and then propose with my engagement ring a few months later followed by a small celebration in my hometown and a honeymoon. I’m totally confused.