Boyfriend suggested marriage at the courthouse and THEN proposing to me later…

posted 3 months ago in Engagement
Post # 66
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

I wonder if he’s at all nervous about the proposal itself? maybe the doing things out of order is a sort of superstious urge to avoid having things feel similar to the first time he was married? People are wierd. Maybe in his head the proposal feels like this big deal, but the courthouse doesn’t, so he wants to square that away and then do the thing that feels more intense? This is a lot of assuming of course.

Post # 67
Member
1390 posts
Bumble bee

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katebluestone :  “This made me chuckle. Usually it’s the woman wanting this” 

Well based on the ammount of men on this site who won’t propose cause they have to save and plan for years (or decades) seem to be really into perfect moments 😉

Post # 68
Member
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

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schmeebee85 :  The only thing I can think of is that he might want to get out of giving you the engagement ring. But y’all have already bought it so this doesn’t make sense to me either.

Unless he is trying to keep your friends and family from knowing there was a courthouse wedding… but you say this is not the case.

Have you asked him what exactly he would be proposing in the scenario he described? You’d already be married, so a marriage proposal would not be appropriate.

If I were you, I’d just say: “Hey babe, I know you had this thought to maybe switch up the order of the proposal and wedding, but it doesn’t make any sense to me and I’m not comfortable with that. And the proposal doesn’t have to be made a big deal of. I’d be super happy to marry you very soon, as long as you ask me to marry you beforehand and I get to wear the engagement ring that you/we bought. In my opinion, there is a reason* that this is the typical order and that’s what I’m comfortable with. Is there any specific reason that you aren’t comfortable with that?”

*If he asks you what this reason is, say, “Well the proposal is a marriage proposal asking me to marry you. So obviously this should happen before the wedding. Don’t you think so? Otherwise what would the proposal be?”

Post # 73
Member
11338 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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schmeebee85 :  

Ok, he’s been outed.

Post # 75
Member
1390 posts
Bumble bee

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schmeebee85 :  maybe this is the solution for the guys who drag their feet with proposal. Marry first so there is less pressure to propose few months after the wedding😂

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