Boyfriend suggested marriage at the courthouse and THEN proposing to me later…

posted 2 months ago in Engagement
Post # 78
Member
11179 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

leztrythisagain :  

Outed as not just the goofball who didn’t know how this all works.  He’s guilty of intentional conduct.

Post # 79
Member
1476 posts
Bumble bee

sassy411 :  I’m starting to wonder as well…how is he that clueless? I don’t find this cute.

And OP, I wouldn’t be pitying other waiting bees when you’re with a man who isn’t bright enough to understand the chronological order of proposing marriage *before getting married. And who requires apparently hours of ruminating and pondering the intricacies of it all before he can think up any other outlandish ideas 

Post # 80
Member
4725 posts
Honey bee

Enough with the scary, nervous and clueless excuses for this guy. You need to ask him point blank why he won’t propose right now. A proposal is proposing marriage, and if he is suggesting that you marry now he has in effect ALREADY PROPOSED. Most of these manufactured theatrical proposal stories are nauseatingly fake anyway ( “we designed the ring together and then he hid it for six months and then we took a hot air balloon ride and he asked me to marry him. I was soooooo surprised!) Just for once I want to hear a proposal story like “we lived together for 2 years and have 2 dogs together and one day we were lying on the couch he said, fuck it, let’s get married. So we went out and bought a ring”. 

I’d give that couple a real chance at making it for the long haul and for one who hid the ring for months and had a fake surprise proposal I would feel just the opposite. One couple is real, the other is all about artifice. One works well in life, the other doesnt. So OP, I’d ask him if he wants to be real or fake because hiding the ring until some time after marriage for a “proposal” is about as fake as it gets.

Post # 81
Member
2031 posts
Buzzing bee

sunburn :  Well that’s exactly how my husband proposed to me. We were in bed,he woke me up out my sleep said “hey let’s go get married” we got up the next day bought me a set and him a band and went to the courthouse. Easy peasy and we never looked back and that was almost 2 decades ago…sometimes the romance isn’t in the dramatic it’s just in the pure intent.

Post # 82
Member
4725 posts
Honey bee

redearthlady :  perfect proposal story! It seems like today proposals are being done with an eye on how it will play on social media. The substance seems to be lost in the flash. Or maybe I’m just cynical.

Post # 83
Member
1388 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

schmeebee85 : I don’t want to say, “screw his feelings” but I can’t help but feel like after your replies that you are intent on protecting his fragile masculinity. Just be frank and honest.

“No, you’re not doing some faux-posal after we’re married”

“I already feel engaged to you and the opportunity for a surprise, magical moment left the building once we started talking this situation to death.”

“Please just propose as soon as the ring gets here, privately, just us. I want to move forward in our lives together, I don’t care about some IG-worthy proposal at this point.”

If you live your life walking on eggshells around FH’s feelings it’s going to be a very uncomfortable existence. 

Post # 84
Member
2031 posts
Buzzing bee

sunburn :  No. I think your absolutely right. It’s more about everyone else and less about the couple. Same thing for the wedding, or it could be we remember the simple times where things were done for love.

Post # 85
Member
1512 posts
Bumble bee

None of this makes sense. You ring shopped, you tried it on. You have it. You are engaged. 

No wedding until you are wearing that ring. Sounds like he is trying to make the proposal the most important thing, in turn screwing up the resst. 

So: 

You agreed to marry, chose and purchased the ring. Even tried it on. 

You are engaged. 

If he wants to actually ask the question, he can do so anytime the ring is back. 

And then you can plan your wedding. Togethet, at that point

There’s no reason to get married, either prior to your wedding, or prior to the ring. 

Don’t let him confuse everything for nothing. 

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