Boyfriend told me the exact month he plans to propose

posted 2 months ago in Engagement
Post # 32
Member
1279 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 1996

Bee, you mentioned more than once that you would be happy to be proposed to in your PJs on the couch.  You also mentioned more than once that now you know the month, you will have to have great hair, nails, and outfit every second.  Those two things are extremely contradictory.

I was in my PJs on our patio eating breakfast when my husband proposed.  Who cares?

You need to stop focusing on your looks!  You’re way too focused on that aspect.  Looks are nothing compared to the deep, profound love that should exist between a man and woman who are contemplating marriage and spending the rest of their lives together.  I would seriously doubt that any man who loves a woman enough to propose marriage would even notice her hair, nails, and outfit at that moment.  He is looking at YOU – all of you.

Post # 33
Member
4463 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My husband got drunk the night before and told me he was proposing the next day. He forgot by the morning and I have never mentioned it. He thinks he completely shocked me.

Listen, I’ve been married for 10 years and I can honestly tell you I think about my proposal….MAYBE when someone else gets engaged? We have a whole lifetime together, and the proposal is a very small blip in the grand scheme of things. Focus on the bigger picture: you love him, he loves you, and you are both making a really exciting commitment to spend your lives together. That’s exciting!

Try to enjoy the anticipation and knowing how far you guys have come. Don’t focus on the fact that maybe it isn’t exactly how you want or thought it would be. I promise you, it won’t matter in the long run.

Post # 34
Member
3025 posts
Sugar bee

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@lalaland13:  You’ll still be surprised. How will he do it? Will he get down on one knee? What will he say? What will his face look like as he asks you to be his wife? How will the ring feel on your finger? Where will he do it? Will it be the beginning of the month? The end of the month? The middle? Will it be in the morning? Will it be at night? Will it be casual? Will he take you somewhere special? It’s going to be a surprise, and you have a lot to look forward to. It’s best to not be fully surprised about something this huge in your life. You now don’t have to anxious, because you know when it’s happening, in the vague sense of the month. You don’t have to worry about not liking your ring, because you got to have input into picking it out. The fact that he included you on pricing and budget is also great, because it shows that he’s thinking of finances in terms of both of you, and is thinking of life as a partnership. 

DH and I went ring shopping together, and I picked out my setting and he picked out the center stone. I thought he was going to propose for a trip I’d planned, but then knew the ring was delayed, so I resigned myself to it not happening yet. Turns out he’d wanted to propose the weekend before on a random day trip we’d taken close to where we live, but didn’t have the ring yet. He did propose on the trip I’d planned, with a stand in ring, because the ring wasn’t ready and he just couldn’t wait another day. So partly surprised, partly not, and it was perfect. 

Post # 35
Member
2178 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2022 - Studio City , CA

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@lalaland13:  I am so sorry you are so disappointed but this is really not uncommon.  I was aware of the proposal that it was coming. I was not the least bit concerned about being surprised maybe if I were younger it would have mattered but I honestly liked the fact that it was our first step in mutually planning our future.  I shared ring inspirations but ultimately he picked the one he wanted and I could not have been happier.  The night he gave it to me I was not dressed  for prooosal night. So we planned the day in which he proposed and honest even tho I knew about it.  It was truly the most sweetest moment ever. I would not have changed a thing.  

TBH it seems like your fiancé to be is going out of his way to make you happy and perhaps he gets some enjoyment out of planning it and getting psychologicaly ready for this very important phase in your journey.  Enjoy it.  

  • This reply was modified 2 months ago by ricli.
Post # 36
Member
2178 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2022 - Studio City , CA

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@knotyet:  agreed with everything you said here!

Post # 37
Member
3737 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

It sounds like he told you the month because you were concerned whether or not it was still happening. The proposal and ring doesn’t have to be a surprise to have a great marriage. I get that you are the planner in the relationship and for once you are hoping that he will put in an effort and plan something! I am the planner in my marriage. Even though I was 99.9% sure my husband would propose on Christmas Eve, he still managed to make it sweet. Yes I was in my PJ’s but it was still fun. He tried to throw me off by giving me a Keurig for Christmas. After I opened that, he pulled out the small ring box. It was very sweet even though it wasn’t a surprise.

 

Post # 38
Member
10832 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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@lalaland13:  

Now l read your update carefully, l think l ,and maybe some others too, have not realised just how anxious you have been made by the long wait. And it HAS  been a long wait in which you have been made to feel you are at fault by being uneasy at his long apparent procrastination . 

l don’t believe any of this has been your fault and l am sorry if my response suggested that. If there is blame, it is his entirely because he must know you are a worrier and could easily start to feel he had cold feet because of this long delay. I hope you get your surprise and your ring by Christmas and maybe even before . 

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@lalaland13:  

 

Post # 39
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2021 - Mackinac Island, MI

I accidentally found out my husband was going to propose and I knew the exact date. I secretly loved it because I was able to look forward to it for 2 months and I was able to go into the day really paying attention to all details. 

it’s what you make it, don’t make it disappointing!

Post # 40
Member
1279 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 1996

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@teachingbee8:    “It’s what you make it, don’t make it disappointing.”  I love this!

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