Post # 1
My boyfriend is planning to propose to me most likely on my birthday in October.
Everything has been going well in our relationship and we live together but two days ago, he stunned me by asking me to sign a pre nupital agreement before we marry! Honestly I feel offended because if he feels I’m going to try and run off with his money or assets in the future, then he shouldn’t be marrying me. He said he doesn’t think I will but he has to protect himself in case anything goes wrong between us in the future. Not sure what to think at the moment.
Last evening he was trying to cuddle because I was a bit taken aback the day before, and said he wasn’t being cynical but you never know with life and relationships.
Does anyone here have a pre nupital agreement?
Also, would it be unfair of me to tell him not to propose for now because this indicates there’s a wide gap in our thinking when it comes to marriage? He bought a ring but seems foolish to go ahead if our thinking doesn’t align.
Post # 2
We don’t have one because we had no assets going into marriage and that’s the primary purpose, but I wouldn’t have been opposed. Neither one of us is expecting multi-million dollar inheritances or anything and while his parents do have an amazing retirement home in Mexico, I would never fight for a share of that anyhow because I’m not a dirtbag.
The thing to know about a prenup is that to be enforceable, it needs to be fair and equitable. You don’t just sign whatever the hell document your fiancé comes up with. Instead, you get your own lawyer and together, you create an agreement that suits both of your needs. A document that is blatantly one-sided can and will get thrown out in court.
Life isn’t fairytales and rainbows. Shit happens. I totally get wanting legal protections in case shit hits the fan.
Post # 3
I think he’s being very smart. He’s right; there are no guarantees. I would not take offense to this.
Post # 5
I have no problem with a pre nup. Most my friends have them. Will he enter the marriage with more assets or future inheritance? Either way I think it’s a smart thing to do.
I have life insurance but I do not plan on dying (anytime soon). Fh has life insurance and I hope to God I never get it! I have car insurance and I’ve never been in an accident. We will sign a prenuptial agreement. It is not only to protect but to provide for you both. If you can agree on things when you are in love and getting married it makes things much simpler if for some terrible reason you need it. For instance I have always thought that a spouse taking half of another spouses retirement is reprehensible and I have no problem signing a document saying neither or us are entitled to it. Now if shit hit the fan and he wanted half of mine or I wanted half of his cause lets me honest relationships can get messy I would be devestated that we hadn’t signed a document saying that. The love of your life can turn vindictive and crazy!
He’s right life happens.
Post # 6
Many people here have them. I don’t, and to be honest, while I think they are smart in some situations and every couple needs to do what is right for them, I think I’d have been offended/put off if my husband had wanted one too. That said, we came to the marriage with very similar assets (and neither of us is set to inherit large family fortunes or businesses), so it would have been odd in our case. I’m of the opinion that prenups make sense if it’s to protect something like a family business or a huge disparity in premarital assets, but that whatever is accrued during marriage should be shared, so in our situation I probably wouldn’t have agreed to one.
IMO, before you do anything drastic like tell him not to propose, you need to sit down and discuss this as calmly as possible (maybe after a couple more days when you’re feeling less emotional about it). Figure out exactly why he wants one, and whether his reasons make sense to you. What would he want the agreement to entail, and how would it differ from the laws in your state? Is this a dealbreaker for him? Is it a dealbreaker for you? If you are open to it, would he be willing to pay for you to retain your own independent counsel to make sure the agreement is fair for you as well? (Much of the time prenups aren’t valid unless both people have separate lawyers anyway, and since he wants one and you don’t I think it’s only fair that he pay for yours.) I think there’s a lot to discuss before breaking it off with someone you otherwise want to marry.
Post # 7
elodie2019 : “I have life insurance but I do not plan on dying.”
I have some bad news for you… 😉
Post # 8
I kind of understand why you’re upset. It can make marriage seem like a business partnership. I guess it can show both of you how you look at money and finances, so it’s better to know about these things before rather than after marriage. Don’t act in haste by telling him not to propose, though maybe delay the engagement until you both are on the same page. He’s obviously practical but your feelings are also valid.
Post # 9
browneyedgirl24 : As a 30 something! lol
Post # 10
I have a prenup. My Darling Husband has assets destined for his daughter, from her late mother. The prenup protects those assets no matter what. Zero problem signing it and I was grateful he respected me and her both enough to have the conversation.
Your boyfriend is being sensible, like an adult making a huge commitment should be. Try to respond in kind.
Post # 11
I see no issue with a fair prenup. I personally don’t see what’s to get offended about but to each their own. No one gets married with the expectation of divorce (well, there’s a few exception I suppose). Guess what? MANY people divorce. A prenup is just being realistic. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst type scenario.
Post # 12
I wouldn’t be thrilled but I work in legal so I get it. But if I were you I’d get my own attorney to look over the terms of the prenup. It needs to be fair to you too. So you can think of it as protecting yourself too. But for sure don’t just sign what’s handed to you you are well within your rights to make sure it’s fair and equitable.
Also kerp in mind if you plan on having kids or staying home with them (this is IF) it takes you out of the workforce and you’re putting less into retirement so that needs to be accounted for as well for yourself.
Post # 13
If you are going to resent him like you seem to be doing right now over it, then yes, rethink or postpone your engagement.
There is nothing wrong for yourself should a marriage fall apart.
Post # 14
lochness : I have no problem with a fair prenup. No one plans on divorce but it is a fact of life. I would sign if it was to protect his *current* “assets”, property etc. However *future* assets will likely belong to *both* of you.
Post # 15
The person you marry isnt the person you divorce. *Today you* may not out to run off with his money and screw him over, but if it ever came to, *divorce you* may be out for blood… who knows. I dont see anything wrong with a prenup as long as it’s fair to both parties.