(Closed) Boyfriend wants a pre nupital agreement

posted 1 month ago in Relationships
Post # 421
Member
217 posts
Helper bee

sassy411 :  I don’t understand this comment at all. 1) Her bf is not being abusive. 2) Even if he were, what tolerance? OP seems done with the relationship.

Not everything unpleasant in a relationship = abuse. FFS.

Post # 422
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Just wanted to chime in that you two are incompatible if you can’t agree on having a prenuptial and it is within your right to walk away. If he realizes you are serious, and desperately wants to marry you, then maybe he will drop it.

However, I did ask my now hubby for a prenup and he agreed, even though he thought it was not “romantic”. For me, it was about  fairness, not just splitting everything in half in case of divorce. I married later in life and my husband did not support me thru school or my early career, so I don’t think he should get half of my retirement and alimony just because we were married and then decided to divorce. Our hopes were that we would live happily ever after but of course you never know what life brings you. I also felt if his career took off or he came into alot of money, he can keep that. It’s not my money if we are not together. So if he had decided to not agree to a prenup, I would have accepted that and let him leave or just not get married. I don’t need the government to dictate how I share my hard earned money if I am not even in a relationship with someone. 

Post # 423
Member
1025 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

Omg someone please close this dead horse of a thread 

Post # 425
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee

chitownyogini :  Why are you reading it if it’s getting on your nerves? OP will close it herself if she doesn’t find it useful. I find it weird that you want to get someone else’s thread closed because it’s annoying you.

Post # 426
Member
477 posts
Helper bee

If you have absolutely no intentions on signing a prenup, and he has no intentions of not having one, then there isn’t a point to drag on the relationship until the end of the year. lochness :  

Post # 427
Member
1102 posts
Bumble bee

lochness :  he seriously needs to back off. This is beyond forceful. 

You need to do what’s best for YOU, not what he wants you to do. 

All talk of prenups aside: I dont like how he’s handled this at all. He is being WAY too pushy at this point. 

I think your plan to be alone for awhile and have some time to clear your head is a great idea. 

Post # 432
Member
217 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think it makes any sense to table the issue for months…that’s ignoring the elpehant in the room and super unhealthy with any type of conflict in a relationship. What I think would be a much better idea is to do a premarital counseling session ASAP to discuss the dilemma. Maybe you’ll come out of that session feeling all the more strongly in your conviction that you dont want to sign a prenup, but maybe you two will be able to reach some common ground with the help of an unbiased third party. 

Post # 433
Member
253 posts
Helper bee

“but he thinks it can make you look at things in perspective and he said that maybe because I didn’t take the request well, I need more time to get over the initial hurt and think about it without being emotional. “

So…

He obviously thinks you are too emotional to make the right decision for yourself and that he can somehow get you to change your decision. 

Post # 433
Member
6599 posts
Bee Keeper

“I always make emotional decisions regarding the  for prenup and everything else and for once I should be practical about something.”

This is interesting. Do you think its true? Do you normally think with your heart and not your head? 

I remember an analogy about one person often being the kite and one person being the string. Maybe he is tired of you always being the kite, and is tired of having to ground you in reality and pragmatisim.

Post # 435
Member
30 posts
Newbee

lochness :  OP, what exactly do YOU want? Because as PPs have stated, and you have acknowledged, breaking up is the only logical conclusion given your fundamentally incompatible views. Based on your updates, I can’t even tell if you guys are still together or if you broke up. 

It takes 2 people to make a relationship work and only 1 to walk away. Tell him that this is something you guys will never agree on, break up and stick to your guns instead of staying in this state of limbo where you are arguing every night. 

I get that breaking up is hard, and frankly, if you both want a family, it’s best to end it here and NOW. No one is getting younger. Like a PP said, there is NO POINT in dragging this dead relationship on. 

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