(Closed) Boyfriend was cheating, got engaged to another while with me … do I tell her?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
4950 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If I were in her shoes, I would want to know. Every girl I know who got cheated on, whose friends knew, who found out later all siaid they wished someone had told them. If it’s honestly not about vengance, and you can prove it (because he’ll probably try to convince her that you’re just a bitter ex, lying etc) then honestly, I would say this girl deserves to know the truth. I would send it regular mail,addressed to her, with photos etc. He may have access to her email and just delete it. 

Post # 4
467 posts
Helper bee

I would probably tell, because, in your position, I’d be feeling spiteful.  I’m sure many people will tell you not to get involved.  However, if I were the girl, I would want to know.  Even if she doesn’t believe you and goes ahead and marries the guy, you will know that you did your best to ‘save’ her.  Plus, you will get back at the ex.  I mean, yes you might be over him.  But finding out someone cheated on you sucks.  

Getting engaged after 3 mos is CRAZY, so this girl might not be one to listen to reason.  

Post # 5
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I believe in the whole “if he’ll cheat with you, he’ll cheat on you” so I think the other girl deserves to know. 


I’d just make sure when you tell her, you’re mature about it. Don’t go in saying “OMG YOUR FIANCE IS A LIAR AND CHEATER AND I HATE HIM”. Be calm and collected and say “I wasn’t sure if you were aware, but I know if I was in your situation I’d want to be informed that etc. etc.”. If she doesn’t believe you or doesn’t care, that’s her problem.

Post # 6
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

If you must, be classy and send a private message to her (don’t call him/her out on their wedding webpage for everyone to see.)

Post # 8
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Just so you know, if you aren’t friends with the other woman on Facebook, it is likely she won’t see your message. Messages from non-friends usually get sent to a folder in your inbox called ‘other,’ and many people are not aware this exists. These messages also do not create notifications the way friend messages do. 

Post # 10
2125 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

No, no, no, no. None of the above. This woman KNOWS the kind of man she’s marrying, wether or not she knows about you or not. 

I think you should forget about him, her and just move on. 

Post # 11
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@icanswim:  Does she have family or friends you can contact via facebook? 

Post # 15
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@icanswim:  I wouldn’t do the father but like a sister or someone who tags her in photos a lot, you know catfish style?

Post # 16
1380 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@icanswim:  If she’s sponsoring him for a visa, things could get messy. Like, a lot messier than your average case of a guy being a sleazebag. He could divorce her when he gets his unconditional residency and then bring over a girl from his country. In a few years, they’re both citizens. If he goes on government benfits, she is responsible for paying the government back, even of they are no longer married. If they have kids, he could take the kids back to home country and refuse to bring them back to the US-in those cases there’s usually not much that can be done.


IMO, the stakes are way too high not to say anything to her.

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