Post # 1
So I have been living wih my boyfriend for almost a year and he knew when I moved in how important it was for me to at some point get a dog. He continued to tell me I could get one whenever I wanted, but I wanted until I was in a position where I was making more money. Before going further, I would like to point out the he does have a dog, so its not like he has an allergy or just doesnt like dogs.
I’m now in a position where I am making good money and work very close to home with flexible hours so I can easily drop in and let the dog out on my lunch breaks. Now that me getting a dog is becoming more of a reality my boyfriend has put his foot down and has told me I am not allowed to get one. He changes his reason every couple weeks and it breaks my heart and it is obvious he doesnt really care that its bumming me out. His first reason he dodnt want a dog is becuase we have tenants downstairs and he thinks it will be loud, well he has a 100lb bloodhound so I didn’t think that was valid. Then he wanted me to make more money ( I am now making a very decent salary for my feild) now he is saying Im not allowed to get one becuase he works from home.
Every couple weeks he tells me to just wait a few months, I wait patiently and nothing changes. We got into a ful blown fight last night because I felt unheard and as if he just didnt really care. If I had moved in without telling him how much I wanted a dog I would have understood, but he knew that I would be getting one and was supportive until the day came to get one.
My heart is really breaking. I want a dog like some women want a baby and I just dont feel like he is being fair.
Am I being dramatic? Thoughts?
Post # 2
michelle95 : I don’t think you’re over reacting, maybe I’m biased because I’m a huge dog person and I had dogs before I met my now husband, and made it clear to him that we would never NOT have dogs (he was never a dog person but they’ve grown on him).
I don’t understand why this is all HIS decision, why does he get a dog and you can’t introduce another one? He sounds controlling in this situation and it sounds like he’s leading you on… wait a few months… oh you’re still not making enough money (wtf?)…
Sorry, he sounds shitty.
Post # 3
Just get yourself a wee dog, Bee.
He is not the big bad boss of you – you are a strong independent woman – screw him!
He has a massive dog – why cant you have a wee one!
If you live in an apartment tho – make sure it is practical and not overwhelming having dogs cooped up – and I would also want to make sure he is on board for helping look after yours, i.e. not just going to ignore it because it is not “his”, whilst looking after his own..
Post # 4
futuremrs2020 : I thoght about just adopting one and bringing it home but he owns the house, however I did tell him I don’t feel comfortable paying him rent for licing in his house if I’m not allowed to make it feel like my home too aka get a dog becuase I would never rent somewhere that wasnt dog friendly, that cuased a fight and he hasnt spoken to me since I said that last night
Post # 5
michelle95 : I don’t blame you, I wouldn’t want to pay rent if I felt I was restricted as to what I can and can’t do in my “home”. Is he controlling in other aspects of your life?
I honestly wouldn’t want to be with a guy who 1) went back on his word and 2) thought it was OK to control my decisions.
It sounds like you’ve taken the steps to insure you are ready to take care of a dog (money, flexibility with work, etc) so there’s no reason you shouldn’t have one. If you were gone for 15 hours a day, couldn’t afford dog food or vet bills, that would be a whole other story…
Post # 6
Yea Id just go get a dog. He’s not the boss of you AND there was always the assumption that you would be getting a dog. Not go diminish your relationship but he’s a boyfriend not a husband so if he feels like he can “put his foot down” now about things that in all reality are entirely up to you may want to assess the relationship before moving forward with it. I lived with my husband before we were married and I wanted a cat. He told me he doesn’t like cats and doesn’t want one but that it was my decision…as soon as I got that cat:
Post # 6
He sounds way too controlling. I would find my own dog friendly place to rent and get a dog.
Post # 8
A few flags for me:
- “a very decent salary for my field.” But is it actually enough to meet all your financial obligations, save money, AND support a dog? Just because you have more compared to your peers doesn’t mean you have enough. If you’re not already paying an equal half of all the living expenses then I don’t blame him.
- “We have tenants.” I take that to mean that your boyfriend owns the building. If he has good tenants and doesn’t want to risk losing them then that’s a very valid reason. One dog makes some noise, but doubling the number of dogs and adding in that they’ll probably play together it will be really loud.
People are allowed to change their minds. It sucks when it happens, but he’s allowed. You can decide that you love your boyfriend and want to keep living with him (and his dog! It’s not like you’re totally dog-less), or you can move out and get your own dog.
Post # 9
futuremrs2020 : He keeps arguing that its his decsion since he works from home and he doesnt want to deal with a dog, however, Im extremely active and have always run any dogs Iv owned in the morning before school/ work so they are pooped all day until I get home.
There’s alot of other stuff going on too right now that is making me question this
Post # 10
This is a dealbreaker for me. I love dogs. Always had dogs growing up. Dogs are not optional in my life.
And even without that he’s been controlling and showing you that you can’t trust what he says. This is all a big nope for me. I’d move out and get a dog.
Post # 11
michelle95 : I think its really crappy that he changed his mind. But to be honest, I think his reasons are sort of legitimate. I work from home and am lucky that the dog we adopted never barks, but if he did, it would be a huge hinderance to me working from home since i do that 2-3x a week. Plus being at home there is a burden on the person working at home to take the dog out, even if you work close. With another 100 lb dog at home already, I’d be reluctant to agree to another knowing I’d be the one taking care of the dogs while you are in the office. Not that changes that your boyfriend agreed, but still, i get where he is coming from. I knew my husband wanted a dog when we started dating but it took me 12(!!!) years to agree until the circumstances were right. He wanted the dog but I am the one that does all the work. I work from home and work less hours so no matter what he told me about how he would take care of the dog, it is just not realistic. So, maybe your boyfriend thinks that as well. You guys already have a dog so I’d really question why you need another. I think the issue here is that you look at his dog as his and YOU want another. If you guys are committed and living together, it is both of your dog. You also seem to view it as his home. I think there are some other issues buried beneath the surface
Post # 12
This would be about much more than a dog for me–he’s reneging on an agreement, repeatedly moving the goal posts, behaving as if it’s his decision alone, seemingly unconcerned that this is making you unhappy. He’s not your parent, he’s supposed to be your partner. I’d consider finding a pet-friendly rental of my own and leaving him to his 100 lb dog. If he’s treating you this way over this issue he will treat you this way over other issues.
Post # 13
It’s crappy that he backtracked on his word but at the same time, I feel like his reasons are valid too. If I worked from home and my significant other didn’t, I know I’d become responsible for that dog for the majority of the day, most days. If he’s worried about the tenants downstairs, that’s also valid. If it’s that important to you, I’d reconsider your relationship or living situation. I do think that acquiring pets are a joint decision when you’re sharing a space with someone. It’s not just a matter of “doing what you want in your home”, it’s adding a joint responsibility and family member.
Post # 14
I love dogs and I was on your side – until I saw that he works from home. My Darling Husband worked from home for the first several years we were together. Now I do. And no matter how much the person who works outside the home exercises the dogs or whatever in the morning, the fact is that the person at home all day ends up dealing with the dogs a lot.
I don’t think he’s being unfair, but I do understand your disappointment. Would it help if you started thinking of his dog as “OUR DOG” and stepped up to help with it more? Then you’d get some of those puppy love needs met.
Post # 15
OP did your boyfriend work from home when he agreed to you getting a dog? If so, I don’t see how that’s a valid argument at this point. He should have told you upfront that it wasn’t ok, rather than telling you what you wanted to hear so you’d move in.