(Closed) Boyfriend’s brother having a destination wedding, and we’re BROKE!

posted 10 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 77
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@MichiganGirl24:  So, I’m curious.  Did you BF’s brother ever ask him to be his best man?

Post # 79
4554 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@MichiganGirl24:  That sucks. I am sorry it was so expensive, but hopefully you were able to at least have a little fun.

Post # 80
4090 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@MichiganGirl24:  Wow, that is a bit excessive.  So sorry you had to commit so many weekends to this one event! You don’t have to give a gift for every event, so I would have opted out of the October one too.  I have a sister that said up front she had no money to fly and another sister that had no vacation days either.  Hence why we married with only two witnesses.

Post # 81
572 posts
Busy bee

I’m glad y’all went because, yeah, it’s his brother.  Sacrafices must be made for immediate family.

That said I don’t blame you for feeling resentful.  I loathe destination weddings that come with the “you can turn it into a vacation :D!!” excuse.  Vacations are fun but they are EXPENSIVE and young couples struggling to make ends meet sometimes only get to take one a year if they’re lucky.  I feel like those weddings kind of dictate when and where your precious vacation time is going to be spent, and if you choose not to go because it conflicts with (either timewise or financially) the vacation you dreamed of and saved for, it can cause so much drama, especially if it’s a close friend or family member who expected you there.

Destination weddings are a great way for a couple to spend less money by keeping the guest list small and combining ceremony/honeymoon…but carry HUGE burdens for guests.   Not cool, even if the couple says they’re okay with people not coming.  

Post # 82
1410 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Uhm, you’re resentful? Sorry, but it’s his brother’s wedding. A once in a lifetime event. The happiest day of his life. Your BF spend his childhood with this guy, they have a bond that goes beyond just friendship. And you’re angry you spent $1400 on a wedding? I think it’s more important to honor and respect a family member than go on vacation. You can’t place a monetary value on memories. 

But hey, you don’t have to plan a wedding like that. And they didn’t have to plan a wedding like yours. Sheesh. 

Post # 83
5995 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@BlondeBee:  If the brother really cared about his family he wouldn’t have forced them all to spend $1000+ on his wedding. Well not forced, but OP and her BF were put in the difficult situation where they either spend $1400 and attend, or stay home and look like the bad guys.

Sorry you were put in this situation OP.

Post # 84
1410 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@paula1248:  or go on their vacation….

Post # 86
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Dizbee:  Maybe it’s different because we’re a little bit older and more established career wise but I’m sorry you feel that way about destination weddings. We are planning one for September and have asked people to attend but have told people IT REALLY IS OK to not attend (especially because we have an extended family and a smaller venue). Everyone who is attending has responded with being extremely excited and looking forward to yes, the vacation, and celebrating with us.

We have quite a few friends/family who are less established and they have been honest with us in saying that they will probably not attend the Destination Wedding but hope to celebrate with us at one of our other receptions. We haven’t guilted anyone into coming to the wedding; we truly understand if timing or cost is prohibitive; that’s why we’re having local receptions as well. At the same time, people have genuinely surprised us such as FI’s dad & brother; we truly weren’t expecting them.

We have also made it clear to our entire wedding party that beyond the wedding, they are not expected to attend or plan any other events. Neither of us plan on having a wedding shower, bachelor/bacherlorette parties, have explicity told Destination Wedding guest to NOT purchase gifts, and will be providing our guests with a cruise around the coast. We have made it extremely clear that our immediate families also don’t have to attend our other events but because we’re so close to them all, they’ve made adjustments like leaving the kids at home (to save on airline tix) or shortening one trip for another.

To OP, I’m sorry that you had to go through what you did and it sounds like maybe the couple had unrealistic expectations of their bridal party/families and did not clearly communicate throughout the whole situation. It sounds awful with timing of everything else you were going through. Hopefully you’ll be able to recoup time & $$ in the end and I think you all did a great job not burning bridges with the brother.

Not saying OP is but hopefully people don’t lump all destination weddings into the “you should be resentful” category because “the couple is being selfish.” There are some of us who are trying to do our best and capture a great time with our close friends and family with cost in mind. I could seriously go into how much time we’ve spent in cutting costs for our guests but that’d be a whole other post =)

Sorry if I’m sounding passionate about this topic, we just hit 9 more months to go so feeling a bit invested!

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