Post # 1
Hi all. So today my bf had told me his brother has told him he’s planning on popping the question to his gf of 6 months next month on their vacation they are going on.
My bf and I have been together going on seven years. We would love to take the next step, and are ready to. He is about to graduate, and it was in the cards for the upcoming year.
Now, this has put a real wrench in the plans. This proposal was unexpected, but now since it’s happening, we know engagement is out of the question until his brother and his girlfriend’s excitement of an engagement and a wedding have come and gone – which could be years. We wouldn’t want to steal their spotlight, etc.
I might also add – his mother is completely supporting his brother financially, and the two of us are on our own. His brother knew his plans to propose, his mother also is unsupportive of our relationship, but she is over the moon about his brother and his girlfriends soon to be engagement, which also really digs pretty deep at both of our feelings – especially my bf’s.
Any advice on not only how to deal with this myself – but also, for both of us?
Post # 2
Stealing spotlight isn’t a thing. Having only one event in a family at a time isn’t a thing.
Why on earth would you postpone your entire life for someone else’s one day party?
People can be happy for and celebrate more than one thing at a time.
Just live your life. Try not to plan your weddings for the same day.
Post # 3
Get married on your own timeline! You are allowed to get engaged and married around the same time, I’ve seen it happen many times and it’s happening this year with me and my fiancé and his brother and fiancé.
Post # 4
My bf is very against the idea (I am not) and it’s his personal preference – however, I am sure it’s because he knows his parents would be less than happy about it.
Post # 5
Postponing your own engagement until AFTER THEYRE MARRIED is insanity. Possibly years??!!!?? No. Just no. Don’t get married on the same day, everything else is fair game. If anyone gets upset about it, screw em.
Post # 6
Well, then enjoy never being married because the stars never perfectly aligned to have the sole focus on the two of you for months or years at a time until you get married because life happens and no one else is going to stop living their lives for the two of you to get engaged. There will always be something big happening with people you know. It’s a shame your boyfriend doesn’t realize that.
Post # 7
adelie : so it’s not you but actually your boyfriend of 7 years who is unwilling to get engaged to you. Your bf is now claiming he’s worried about stealing his brother’s thunder! I’m sorry but after 7 years it’s doubtful his refusal to get engaged is *only* about his brother….. you need to take a stand.
Post # 8
Ugh that sounds like a whole other can of worms unfortunately 🙁 so the ideal situation for him is getting engaged after what 10 years of dating? Idk about you but I started getting annoyed around 4. How old are you guys?
Post # 9
With a dumb excuse like that I really think he’s stalling. Sorry OP.
Post # 10
So you wait until after they get engaged and then also until they get married?! Which could be like another few years. And next they’ll get pregnant so you’ll have to wait until after that… I mean where does it end? There’s absolutely no reason to wait for anything concerning his brother. Silblings are often engaged at the same time. Just don’t schedule the weddings a week apart and it’ll be fine.
Post # 11
adelie : “engagement is out of the question until his brother and his girlfriend’s excitement of an engagement and a wedding have come and gone – which could be years.” — This doesn’t make any sense.
“My bf is very against the idea (I am not)” — Ah, now it makes sense.
He is clearly stalling. This excuse is absurd but it sounds like you’re ok with it.
Post # 12
I would say he doesn’t want to marry you. It’s been 7 years and now he wants you to wait for his brother to get engaged and married before he’ll consider getting married. I don’t think it’s going to happen. If he wanted to marry you, the brother’s engagement would not be an obstacle. The year we got married my sister and my husband’s sister both got married also. It wasn’t an issue that we were all getting married.
Post # 13
adelie : we know engagement is out of the question until his brother and his girlfriend’s excitement of an engagement and a wedding have come and gone – which could be years.
WHAT?!?! YEARS?!?! That is utterly ridiculous.
Post # 14
I’m sorry but what? Waiting for the brother is a garbage excuse. I’d be sitting your boyfriend down and getting into it with him. GTFO here…
Post # 15
Do not wait for their excitement to be over. That isn’t a thing. AT ALL. My two cousins got married within 1 month of each other this Summer and it was totally normal. No one expects anyone to put their life on hold for someone else’s engagement.