Boyfriends brother is going to pop the question… rant/envy

posted 10 months ago in Waiting
Post # 46
Member
2917 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Not saying anything that hasn’t been said, but you 100% do not need to wait till his brother gets married in order to get engaged and plan your wedding, that’s not a thing and is most likely a stalling tactic, as others have pointed out.

If your boyfriend wants to marry you he would NOT be ok waiting years to do so, although it’s been several years so I think it’s obvious that he may not be interested in marriage with you.

Post # 47
Member
1961 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Well why don’t you get the brother to it. Seriously 

Post # 48
Member
1053 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Just when I thought I had heard all of the excuses ….

 

I can’t imagine waiting years for a sibling to get married before I did.

Post # 49
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

yikes it sounds like you’re boyfriend is going to be holding onto this excuse until they get married. It sounds like he’s just using this for his advantage so he doesn’t have to propose to you! Sorry OP!!! 

Post # 50
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

OP, what do you make of the comments about stalling? Do you agree? I certainly looks this way to us 

Post # 51
Member
1610 posts
Bumble bee

adelie :  To each his/her own and their timelines. I know it’s hard because you want that yourself but to be honest they are rushing things, 6 months in my opinion is way too soon to be having any of that happening. I wouldn’t be envious of that, don’t properly know each other well by that point. And by the sounds of it, you guys are quite young? If he’s just graduating. Maybe having all that extra time together has been a good thing. 

I am with the other bees in terms of getting engaged wouldn’t be stealing their thunder. You shouldn’t have to wait years to do any step of it because of them. It wouldn’t be like you guys are doing the steps all on the same weekends!

Post # 52
Member
1057 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

I think it’s so weird that people would delay an engagement like this.  We on’t do it for other milestones.  Would you hold off on interviewing for a new job you really want becase your Brother-In-Law just got a new job and you want to let him bask in that glow alone?  Delay owning a home for a couple of years so your sister has a chance to be the special homeowner in the family?  No, of course not.  So why delay this?

Post # 53
Member
505 posts
Busy bee

adelie :  Awe im sorry bee.  I could understand how that would be hard.  You’ve been together longer and youre more financially ready. 

That being said, when you know you know! So if his brothers ready to propose the best thing you could do is be happy for them.  Be supportive and celebrate the engagement.  

I saw you wrote about how you guys cant get engaged now until theres blow over whihc could be years…I disagree.  I think you could get engaged just give it a few months.  But i was find it hard for the brother and his fiance to have an issue with the two of you getting engaged if youve been together that long and are financially ready for it.  

good luck

Post # 54
Member
1935 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Your post is insanity. If your bf is saying he wants to wait possibly years to propose just because his brother got engaged, I would assume it’s cause he’s not ready to marry you and just wants to wait years for himself. Stealing spotlight is not a thing, and it’s one of the most immature concepts we see on this site. No one needs years to enjoy the excitement of an engagement. 

I married my husband two months before his sister married her husband, and one week before their family friend, who is like a sister to my husband’s sister and is like family got married. It was no big deal and no one cared. Everyone gets a day. That’s it. As long as you don’t get engaged on the same day, and if you want to be courteous, you can make sure you don’t engaged on the same trip, it’s fine. 

Post # 55
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee

Curious what his excuses have been over the past 7 years for not proposing…

Post # 56
Member
675 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - California

Sorry, but I am in agreement with those who say that your bf is stalling.  Brothers getting engaged around the same time should be a fun bonding time, not something that makes one person put their life on hold.  Am really sorry to say this, but  it sounds like this has more to do with family dynamics and your bf not being ready than about stealing someone’s thunder.

Post # 57
Member
3389 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

My brother and I got engaged within 6 months of each other… 

Post # 58
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

They get one day, their wedding day.  As long as you don’t plan on getting married the same day, there is no reason to put your lives on hold for them.  

Post # 59
Member
2824 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

I think we’ve been ghosted. Op apparently found the majority opinion (that her longtime boyfriend is continuing to make excuses to avoid marrying her) unpalatable…. After 7 years, that *would* be tough to face…

Post # 60
Member
8317 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

adelie :  

Dear OP,  this “engagement is out of the question until his brother and his girlfriend’s excitement of an engagement and a wedding have come and gone – which could be years. We wouldn’t want to steal their spotlight, etc.”   is complete nonsense you know.

So long as you didn’t  get engaged the week of their engagement , or on  their wedding day , it is perfectly normal and reasonable  to get engaged in your own time . No-one “owns” the time between their engagement and marriage  ffs . Nor would most people give AF.

I’d be side-eyeing a man who gave that as a reason not to get engaged .And I;d want to give the woman who accepted it a good shake!  

Also, its annoying and a bit sad that his mother favours the brother and gf over you and your bf, but that is another irrelevance in terms of your life. Neither your engagement or your wedding need cost much, so if you know you want to do  it ( and after 7 years you should know) why not just do an unflashy ring and an unflashy ceremony.  How about in the New Year….

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