Boyfriend's female friend trying way to hard to be friends with me. Need advice.

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
3090 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

It doesn’t sound to me like she is trying to weasel in with your boyfriend, but maybe she is trying way too hard because she is uncomfortable and trying to prove to him, to you and to herself that she is perfectly capable of not just being his friend but being friends with you too. She may even be picking up on your dislike of her and trying a bit too hard to push through that. 

Of he has been friends with her for years, there must be a reason why he cares about her and keeps her in his life. What are her redeeming qualities? What is it that your boyfriend likes about her? Is there anything at all that you have in common? Perhaps if you’re able to find some common ground and form a freindly relationship with her she will chill out and stop trying so hard.

Post # 32
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

Tatum :  Wow i honestly don’t think the OP thought that deeply about it. Pretty crazy to jump to the assumption that she wants her bfs friend to have designs on her bf so she can “lord over him.”  Sounds like you really spent time dwelling on this post if you are thinking that deeply into it. Call me crazy but yes I’m about to say the dirty uncool gf thing that is not ok to say on the bee and that yes the gf should come before a female friend everyday and twice on Sunday he ain’t dating the friend looking to have a future with the friend but he sure as hell is with the gf but by the way he acting you wouldn’t think so.

Post # 33
Member
2975 posts
Sugar bee

Tatum :  Of all the things OP mentioned, she did not say the boyfriend’s friend “talked incessantly about herself”; she mentioned that she “monopolized the conversation”, and I wonder if it was just an attempt to keep the conversation flowing, as it seems that OP might not have been willing to just have a pleasant and civil conversation during the brunch.

Post # 34
Member
2169 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

claroquesi :  She said this in a follow up:

 

My boyfriend included me and everything but she just talked about herself and more or less what guys had been hitting her up and how her baby daddies are terrible and so on. Not exactly normal break the ice conversation not to mention it made me feel awkward and uncomfortable hence part of the reason I say I don’t believe we would be friends

Post # 35
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

claroquesi :  why is everyone jumping on the fact that OP said she is the flirt type or that she flirts with her bf. Maybe she does flirt with the bf. Why is that so terrible to say? Am I missing something? We weren’t there to know for sure maybe she was.

Post # 36
Member
2169 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

 

soexcited123 :  Call me crazy but yes I’m about to say the dirty uncool gf thing that is not ok to say on the bee and that yes the gf should come before a female friend

 

No one said she shouldn’t, and no one said she isn’t. The OP didn’t come on here complaining that her boyfriend is giving this woman too much attention. I did not pick up at all that the OP felt threatened by this woman.

 

The only thing I picked up on was that the OP is so certain the friend is jealous and competes with her, despite providing no evidence to this conclusion.

Post # 37
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

soexcited123 :  OP is the person who suggested she’d be okay with an exclusive meal.  I pointed out that she likely wouldn’t be.  You have it backward.

Post # 38
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

sweetkat92 :  I have to go against the majority on this one and agree with OP, but in a different kind of way. I think alot of the women on here who are saying you are being “mean” or “judgemental” know full well that it they were in the same situation they would probably be having the same thoughts,maybe not as openly though. As a woman it’s hard not to become a bit “suspicious” (for lack of a better term) about some girl whom seems to be “too friendly” towards you and your boyfriend even if they were close friends beforehand. I feel that once a relationship is established there are boundaries which should be respected. The people that are saying she “just wants to be friends with you two” are believing exactly what she might want everyone to believe. I think the way you are interpreting it is a normal reaction. 

My suggestion…. continue to be friendly towards her because “technically” she hasn’t done anything too wrong just yet but make sure your boyfriend knows how you feel. If your boyfriend knows how you feel about her it will be easier to understand how he feels about you based on how he handles his interactions with her. I’m not saying he has to cut her off completely, but regardless of what anyone thinks I am a firm believer that once a serious relationship has been formed there are boundaries that must be respected and if her being around too much makes you uncomfortable then out of respect for you as his girlfriend he should take that into consideration. You feeling “put off” by her may seem odd to outsiders  but that shouldn’t matter, this is YOUR relationship and you have to make it work as best you can. Just because others might be okay with this in their relationship doesn’t mean you have to be.

Post # 39
Member
8656 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

sweetkat92 :  Why did the situation with your ex-fiance and sister cause you to not trust women, but you have no problem trusting a man? It takes 2. If you are unable to trust women, I suggest finding a boyfriend who doesn’t have women friends.

Post # 40
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - City, State

This sounds innocent…

BUT I’m also camp “heterosexual couples shouldn’t have best friends of the opposite sex”

why would I want my husband calling up ole Sandra over there, & telling her what’s all going on in our marriage? She’s going to always take his side, she’s going to try to put her 2 cents in, & women & men think entirely different. He’s not going to get the same advice from Sandra as he would have gotten from Brad.

Now, if they’ve been friends for years, I can understand. But she doesn’t need to be involved in your weekend plans all the time, she doesn’t need to text and try to hang out all the time. Her being friends with your boyfriend isn’t the problem, it’s just that she’s trying to hard, & that’s making you have a certain perception about her motives, & I don’t blame you. 

& that’s another thing I don’t get. Why do people feel the need to air their dirty laundry to everyone they’re friends with? That’s not the topic of discussion, but that irks me. 

Post # 41
Member
249 posts
Helper bee

Sounds like something I would have dealt with when I was younger dating. As in not stand up for myself.

If I were out now, and some girl kept talking over me or not letting me get a word in edgewise… I would have stepped up and said it is rude and please stop. 

Your boyfriend should notice this and yall stop hanging out with her or atleast step in and make room for you in the conversations.

As far as being on social media till you leave… don’t. I hate when people do that at lunch or when hanging out. That is also rude to me.

 

Post # 42
Member
2975 posts
Sugar bee

Tatum :  Sorry, didn’t read that previouslysmile

Post # 43
Member
5963 posts
Bee Keeper

soexcited123 :  If some other girl offered to cook just for my man alone at her house I best be invited or that’s a hell no. 

Are you blind? The meal WAS for both OP and her bf, cooked by the friend.

eta the quote: “she texted him and asked if she could cook for him and I one day soon”

Post # 44
Member
10196 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

sweetkat92 :  

Look, if you don’t like the woman, you don’t like the woman.  That’s enough by itself.

You do not have to trash talk, slut shame, judge, be jealous, feel threatened, or anything else.  There is no need to twist yourself into knots over this.  Disliking someone doesn’t have to have a logical basis.  I hate bell peppers.  I just do.

Maybe she does want your bf.  So what?  If he’s a good one, lots of women would like to have him. Yeah, and?  Get used to it.

Everything here is between you and your bf.  Jill is just an outlier.

Have you told your bf, calmy and rationally that you just don’t like Jill and you don’t want to hang out with her? Once you do that, you open the kind of dialogue that leads to resolution.

You can tell him that you would prefer that he cut off contact with Jill. You cannot order him to drop Jill.  But, you can tell him, and you really owe it to your relationship to tell him, how you feel.

Then see how he responds. If you aren’t happy, you can negotiate.

Just be authentic, Bee.

 

Post # 45
Member
2975 posts
Sugar bee

soexcited123 :  If the boyfriend’s friend flirted with him, I think OP would have mentioned that too, among everything else…

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