Boyfriend's female friend trying way to hard to be friends with me. Need advice.

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 46
Member
1007 posts
Bumble bee

If she wants to make a move on your boyfriend, she’s going to do it regardless of whether or not you guys are chummy.  So this goes back to whether or not you trust your boyfriend.  

 

Post # 47
Member
1007 posts
Bumble bee

Also – I don’t think she’s tried all that hard actually.  When my friends have new partners (regardless of sex), I do the same.  Invite them to things to try to get to know them better and make sure to include them in conversations.    Seems like the bare minimum to me.

Post # 48
Member
817 posts
Busy bee

Fun Fact! I just taught Steinem’s work this week. Second wave feminism DID focus on legal and structural issues and it DID talk about the objection of women through systemic practices (which, rather than slut-shaming individual women, was the point of Steinem’s famous essay.) 

But it did NOT (and its intellectual ideas do not) justify attacking individual women’s choices about their own sexual behaviors and preferences in any of the ways you described. In fact, Steinem herself rejects that, and hold that most of the reason’s for the views’ limited focus were time-and-place limited instrumental views. (See e.g. https://www.theguardian.com/books/2017/nov/30/gloria-steinem-on-her-bill-clinton-essay-i-wouldnt-write-the-same-thing-now

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mrsbarack :  You are right in one sense. I cannot possibly know how you identify. That is why I didn’t suggest you don’t IDENTIFY as a feminist. I’ve no idea. Rather, I suggested that you aren’t acting as a good feminist SHOULD. And that is certainly something for which I can advance an argument. 

Post # 49
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Cooking for you? Weird, initimate and unnecessary. That’s a hard pass from me. ESPECIALLY given you two aren’t particularly chummy and this isn’t an organic thing happening you’re all into.

There’s such a thing as being friends, and another as having no boundaries and being inappropriate. Weird all the bees are in the other camp on this one. I feel like people around here just like to poke the bear and be contrary for the hell of it.

Post # 50
Member
10355 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

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sweetsweetdee :  You’ve seriously never cooked dinner for your friends? It’s not like she’s offering to cook for just OP, she invited both of them. I’ve cooked for my friends and they’ve cooked for me as well. I really don’t think it’s that bizarre.

OP – I don’t think you can determine if she’s being fake without giving her a fair chance. You don’t have to be BFFs but if she’s close with your boyfriend and you think he’s a decent judge of character, then I’d give her a fair chance.

Post # 51
Member
5909 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

You think it’s too intimate and inappropriate to have a friend over for dinner you think people who think that is absurd are being contrary for the hell ofit?

I have literally never heard someone describe having friends for dinner as “weird, intimate and unnecessary”.

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sweetsweetdee :  

Post # 52
Member
2341 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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claroquesi :  If the boyfriend’s friend flirted with him, I think OP would have mentioned that too, among everything else

 

Duh, she posted sexy pictures of herself on social media and talked about her personal life at brunch with friends! Clearly she was obliquely hitting on her guy friend all along.

Post # 53
Member
723 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2020

 

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personaperson :  It’s not up for you to decide how a good feminist should act.  Many feminists don’t buy into the liberal feminist BS being taught at universities currently.  Not all of us think “good feminists” should kowtow to men.   

Post # 54
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

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sweetsweetdee :  EXACTLY!!

Post # 55
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

Wow I can’t believe how many people don’t see the possibility of that girl’s clear hidden motive here…..

Post # 56
Member
5909 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I mean there is always a possibility of anything happening, it’s possible I’ll get abducted by aliens when I nip out at lunch but it doesn’t mean there is any credible sign or evidence that the possibility is actually probable. 

What are the signs of her having a “clear hidden motive”?

Surely if you were trying to seduce someone in a relationship you wouldn’t invite their gf along?

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MsJ2018 :  

Post # 57
Member
2341 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

 Yeah, and  if I’m trying to get a guy friend into the sack with me, I’m probably not going to go out of my way to discuss all the complicated issues I’m currently having with my multiple baby daddies either.

Post # 58
Member
5909 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

And make his girlfriend a chicken casserole, works like a charm! 

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Tatum :  

Post # 59
Member
1334 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

How can a motive be both clear and hidden?

Post # 60
Member
7849 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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zzar45 :  Do you think engagement chicken works on guys who are dating someone else? 

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