Boyfriend's female friend trying way to hard to be friends with me. Need advice.

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 61
Member
2331 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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jellybellynelly :  Well if so, at least OP gets a free dinner out of it. More than some people get…

Post # 62
Member
10370 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I think this hinges on whether or not she’s making engagement chicken. 

Post # 63
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407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

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zzar45 :  Girl in this day and age people have gotten so keen on how to work other people and their relationships that they know one would not normally think that if they wanted to flirt they wouldn’t do it with both parties present. With that being said that’s actually exactly what they do so as to give the impression that their actions are harmless when they truly aren’t.

You may see the possibility of there being a hidden motive the same as “being aducted by aliens” but I see right through what else there could possibly be, and while I’m not saying that she is in FACT doing what OP suspects I don’t think she’s wrong for suspecting something as IMO its not normal behaviour. As I’ve mentioned before a relationship has boundaries and that girl is clearly crossing them.

Yall know good and well yall would act the same, on here putting on a front. What if you were in a relationship with a guy and some girl he was “friends” with always wanted to tag along or be around when you two were together? You’re lying if you say you’d be okay ALL THE TIME.

Post # 64
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1323 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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MsJ2018 :  “As I’ve mentioned before a relationship has boundaries and that girl is clearly crossing them.” 

OP says that during the past couple of months, they’ve had brunch twice.  The friend invited them over for dinner.  What sort of boundaries has the friend clearly crossed?  

“Yall know good and well yall would act the same, on here putting on a front. What if you were in a relationship with a guy and some girl he was “friends” with of his always wanted to tag along or be around when you two were together? You lying if you say you’d be okay ALL THE TIME.”

So confused. Where did OP say that the friend “always wanted to tag along or be around when [they] were together”?

Post # 65
Member
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018 - City Hall

I say trust your gut. And you don’t have to like her, but you do have to be able to trust your Boyfriend or Best Friend without a doubt. 

Post # 66
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

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coffeecakez :  She also mentioned how she texts and such ALL the time.

I see boundaries being crossed, I refuse to see her actions as “innocent”. 

Nope, not happening.

Post # 68
Member
1323 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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MsJ2018 :  ”  She also mentioned how she texts and such ALL the time.”

I just reread OP’s post. Where did she accuse the friend of texting and such all the time?  

Post # 69
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

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coffeecakez :  

“in the past couple months since she has been inviting “us” to hang out with her more.”

 

I think it’s safe to say this implies that she’s over staying her “hangout” welcome which is basically what I meant by her wanting to be with them all the time.

 

Post # 70
Member
1323 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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MsJ2018 :   I think it’s safe to say you read one thing and reframed it completely differently.

Post # 71
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee

I think it’s hard to tell just from your description what’s really going on here. It’s also hard to tell because I don’t know you personally and I don’t know if you’re super reasonable or the jealous type. It’s very possible you’re just being insecure, being too hard on her, and maybe feeling jealous unneccesarily.  If she’s inviting both of you to things together and not just him 1×1, I think that’s probably a good sign.

On the other hand, I don’t think the overall message of your post was that crazy – especially considering you said she had feelings for him in the past (correct me if I’m wrong) and flirts with him a bit.

Just my own experience – I dated a guy a few years ago who had this best friend named Amanda.  Amanda and him texted ALL the time and they’d do stuff together – never 1×1 usually with a group, but occasionally they’d grab coffee or whatever.  I just got a weird feeling about her.  I remember one night being at his apartment and his phone buzzing at like 2am and it was her – and while I don’t have a clue what it was about, it was a Saturday night so can only assume a drunk text.  It just seemed really inappropriate considering we were getting serious (I thought).  One night after a few drinks, I made a comment about how it bothered me, and instead of reassuring me he got REALLY defensive, and FLIPPED out on me.  The next day we ended up having a long talk and broke up.  Literally 3 months later I saw pictures that they started dating. So…. my gut was right!  Is yours usually right?

Post # 72
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee

Also not to “threadjack” here – but I’m new to these boards, can someone explain to me what the abbreviation “FH” means and why we say “Boyfriend or Best Friend” instead of just boyfriend? 🙂 hehe sorry!

Post # 73
Member
404 posts
Helper bee

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sarahj1238 :  FH means future-husband, and Boyfriend or Best Friend will auto populate if you type B F (but with no space). I believe thats the case anyways! 

Post # 74
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2005

My best friend is a male. He is a stand up guy from my home town, we have known each other since kindergarten. He moved to our current area about the same time we did. We are just friends, he is the flirty type, (he is single now, after a divorce). We are nearing 50 now and he made a point of being friendly with my husband before we married because he cares a great deal about me as a friend. 

More than 30 years ago when we were in high school he kissed me at a school dance. It was weird and strange and icky, so we are just friends, have always been friends and nothing more. In fact him and my husband are such good friends they spend more time together than he and I do. They share a lot of the same interest. 

My husband isnt completely retired from work, and I work from home, because Im currently doing chemotherapy and there are times when my husband cant take me to chemo and my friend takes me.

Sometimes he even cooks for me.

Good lord he is trying to hit on me!! Gasp!! Not really, he is trying to get me to eat to keep up my strength, husband doesnt bat an eye. They both care for me in different ways, my husband cares for my as my intimate partner, the love of my life, and spouse. My friend cares for me like a sibling and friend. 

OP not every woman is out to try to steal your man, even flirty women. It might just be her personality. It might be because she feels awkward and is trying to make it seem if she has other interest in her life besides your boyfriend. Nothing in your post says she is trying to steal your man. 

Post # 75
Member
94 posts
Worker bee

You don’t have to be best friends with her, or even like her. I’m sure you have friends your boyfriend doesn’t care for, whether he says so openly or not. But if she’s important to your boyfriend you should at least be civil to her—and frankly, scrolling through facebook while you’re at brunch with her doesn’t strike me as civil, it’s a pretty blatant passive aggressive (oxymoron) way of saying “you don’t matter to me”. As far as her “weaseling” in between you and your boyfriend, what can I say? Based on what you’ve said, she hasn’t ever attempted to get him alone, and all her “flirtatious” behavior has happened in YOUR presence. She isn’t being snide to you or putting you down to him behind your back (like you are to her), she’s just being nice. I wouldn’t be surprised if she knew how you feel about her and was trying to offset that by being extra friendly. You might even make her a little nervous.

I’m involved in a monogamous, VERY long-term relationship myself and I STILL get shade from women who think that my being friendly to their husbands or boyfriends means I want to sleep with them. It’s annoying, but at the end of the day I have a devoted partner waiting for me at home (like you do). I can only imagine that that kind of rejection would be pretty lonely if I were single. And even if, in her heart of hearts, this woman does want to steal him away, unless your boyfriend has shown some indication that he would take her up on the offer of an affair (which he hasn’t), you have nothing to worry about. It sounds to me as though you’re trying to validate your dislike for her, and there’s no need for that….(see above).

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