(Closed) Boyfriends mother ruining relationship

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@melissab79:  I swear I have dated the guy you’re dating. That’s why we broke up–his psychotic mother! I couldn’t live with her, and he couldn’t live with less of her.

Post # 4
5001 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m sorry, but he’s the one ruining your relationship, not his mother. He can’t have two wives and he needs to decide if he’s willing to have a mother and a wife, or just a mother who he treats like a wife. He’s in his 30’s… it’s not her fault anymore.

Post # 5
9788 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

On an unannounced visist…SHE STAYED FOR 7 WEEKS AND HE WOULDNT EVEN TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT!?!?!?! Sorry for caps but holy wow! Your gut feeling is right. Listen to it!!

Post # 6
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@melissab79:  that would definitely be a deal breaker for me. 

Post # 7
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@melissab79:  Who shows up somewhere unannouced then stays for 7 weeks???? I’m sorry but he should have put his foot down. I’m all for family visits but 7 weeks is basically a part time roomate. I’m very big on family but it sounds as no one will ever be good enough for her son and he allows her to be this way. He should stand by you a little more and have her give you a chance. What if she never gives him the blessing to marry you?? Are you always just going to be the live in Girlfriend who comes 2nd in your relationship next to his mom? Follow your gut & your heart… don’t settle & if the engagement does come, don’t say YES unless you are 100% happy. 

Post # 8
2749 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

You’re already experiencing some major doubt here, and sadly you’re completely right about him and their relationship. She’s always going to be the way she is, and he is always going to respond the way that he does now. Do you think you can be happy with him knowing that you will always be second to his mother? I don’t know him like you do and can obviously be pretty wrong, but it seems like you have the same exact fear. Life’s too short to be stuck in a terrible reationship like that.

My ExH’s mom is a passive-aggressive, controlling, overbearing woman. She loved to play mind games with me and was verbally/emotionally manipulative. At some point, she began to openly mock me and my beliefs. Whenever I became upset, ExH told me that I just needed to grow thicker skin and stop being so sensitive. He ignored it whenever she acted out in front of him. While her behavior was horrible, the real problem was his inability to stand up for me and take my side. It was one of the reasons I left. 

Post # 9
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I think you really got to think long and hard,  Mommy’s boy is going to be always putting his mother ahead of you or any other girl.  Imagine what she is going to be like when you  both have kids,  she will try to dictate on how to raise YOUR own kids.   I have read enough mother in law stories on various sites were women are not happy about their in-laws. 

You are lucky you are are only just dating, there is no ties and I think you need to think long and hard do you want to be in this position of second fiddle for your SO for the rest of your life?

At the end of the day it is up to you if you want to stay with him.

Post # 10
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

RunnerBride13: +10000000000

This man is in his 30’s and he takes a monthly allowance from his mother?? Say no more, OP, run away. The mother may be a psycho, but the buck stops with your boyfriend. If he hasn’t chosen you over his mother by now, he never will. Dump the Mama’s Boy and move on, you won’t regret it.

Post # 11
2481 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Hell’s teeth! He’s in his 30s and still attached to the apron strings? And to such an unpleasant set of apron strings too!

I hate to say this but things wouldn’t improve if you marry. However, I truly doubt that she’s ever going to let anyone marry her Precious Baby. So I’d be cutting my losses here. As a pp has said, it isn’t his mother that is ruining your relationship, he’s doing a fine job himself. 

I’m the mother of two grown up sons. I love them dearly but it has never occurred to me to interfere in their relationships and had I done so, they would have been quick to put me in my place. Likewise, the idea of turning up, unannounced and staying 7 weeks would be ludicrous. 

Post # 12
241 posts
Helper bee

His mom is his number one priority, and always will be. You will never be his number one. Sorry, but this is the truth. Decide whether or not you can live with being number two to a momma’s boy. Once she dies, you’ll become his mother. I would leave ASAP.

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