(Closed) Boyfriend's sister hates me

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@orchidblooms:  She sounds pathetic, I wouldn’t attend the events. This is your boyfriends problem that he needs to remedy. 

Post # 19
Member
3277 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Glad things worked out for you. Cool

Post # 20
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@Lalalanelson:  Im glad to hear it got sorted out 🙂

Post # 22
Member
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Lalalanelson:  In my opinion, you have three options here:

1.  The direct approach – an in person conversation, phone call, e-mail that essentially says you’ve noticed that she appears angry or upset with you and offer to talk about it.  She will either accept or decline.  However, even if she accepts, you do NOT owe her any sort of apology or explanation regarding your relationship with your boyfriend.  If he wants to be in a relationship with you, that should be good enough for anyone else.  

2.  Ask your boyfriend to deal with it.  Its his sister and if she’s being rude to you, he should care about that and speak up for you.  

3.  Forget her.  Yes, its hurtful that she’s turned on you but frankly, her behavior is rude and childish.  For the sake of family harmony, I, personally, would attempt to reach out exactly once and offer to talk.  If she refuses, well, that’s unfortunate but I”m not going to lose any sleep over it.  

Take a look at your boyfriend as well.  If he is choosing to stay in a relationship with you but moaning to his sister about you, that’s not cool.  Its not mature, healthy or constructive.  If he has issues with you, then the person he needs to be talking to is you.  

Post # 23
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Lalalanelson:  Let her hate you.

She’s young and, to her, life is probably very black and white.  You said NO to her brother so you’re automatically a terrible person and horrible for her brother (in her eyes)

She’ll grow up.  All you have to do is KEEP going to family functions and be the bigger person.  Her hate of you is unfounded.  Just focus on the relationship you have with him.  Everything else will fall into place.

Post # 24
Member
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

My older brother dated a woman for gosh…4-6 years?  She was part of our family and I adored the ground she walked on. 

They got engaged and I was THRILLED.  I couldn’t of been happier if I was getting married.  She was to be my SIL and after 3 brothers, I was estatic.

When they broke up, it killed me.  I saw my brother’s fault in it (they were both at fault) and I hated both of them.  Eventually, my brother and I got back in a good place and I wanted him to be happy, so I tentitavly accepted her.

I will say, however, I did not trust her until they were married and still took me a year or so afterward to really feel comfortable around her again.

When people are in a relationship, especally long term they forget that the other people may have feelings, too.  You’d been going for 2 years which is more than enough for her to be bonded to you and hurt and cautious that you may change your mind.

Post # 25
Member
79 posts
Worker bee

@Lalalanelson:  Yay, that’s awesome! Good for you for being so patient!

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