- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
As the title says, I am a shiny new bee! I’ve been lurking for a while now, and sadly spending most of my time between the waiting boards and looking at ring porn.
So, looking for my fellow bees’ advice.
My SO and I have been dating for 3 and half years. I am 21, he is 25 (3 months away from being 26). We have had a mortgage together for just over a year now, but living together for nearly 2 years. Since our three year anniversary, I’ve talked to him about being engaged. I am currently in university, and wouldn’t want to get married until that was over, so we would have a long(ish) engagement of 3-4 years.
Each time I talk to him, I get quite upset. The last time I talked to him, he said the only thing stopping him was not having a ring. Then the other night, he mentioned he thought it was too early.
I know we are young, me in particular, but I think our relationship has been through plenty. My mother died when I was a month off being 18, I lived in another country for 6 months apart from him, and when I got back that’s when we agreed to move in together. He has also supported me through the first time I went to uni then quit, and now this time, I’m a few months into the start of my uni course.
We live in the UK, so I know our whole culture regarding marriage is probably a bit different. None of his friends are engaged, but plenty of mine are, or having babies and planning weddings already. One of my frineds recently got engaged after dating the guy for 6 months, that was particularly painful. I know there are people on here waiting 4, 5, 6 years+ but I was looking at the waiting stats list, and most people are listing they’d only wait 2-3 years.
When he was talking about not having a ring, I explained I didn’t want a great big hinking diamond, I wanted a moissy and that I’d pay for half. I found this wedding set on MoissaniteCo that would be £250 each. It’s not like we don’t have that money 10 times over in savings accounts either! He knows I’m not materialistic and don’t want a big wedding, and I think finances are a pathetic excuse.
Do you think I’m being unrealistic? Do you think that because he is younger that I am going to have to wait a long time for him to be ready? ‘Cause I can tell you now I am not waiting that long. I don’t want to put a ultimatum down, but it is driving me mad. It’s all I can think about, why does he not want to marry me?!
Once when talking to him I got quite upset about it, and he said ‘Ok well let’s get engaged then!’ I was raging, I don’t want him to propose because I’m upset. I want him to want me. Plus, since we have the mortgage but aren’t married, it means the other one won’t get life insurance money if one of us were to die, and we have limited legal rights regarding the whole mortgage.
I didn’t mean to rant, but this is an emotional thing for me. Any advice bees?