(Closed) Brand New Bee, Long Time Lurker… and Waiting Rant

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I think you need to take a step back. Why do you want to be engaged so badly if you aren’t going to be married until after you’re done with school? Has he talked about wanting to marry you? If he has, then I think you need to give him his time. You’re pressuring him into doing this, and you said that you don’t want a proposal that you have to guilt him into. Right now, that’s exactly what a proposal would be…you guilting him into asking. Also, your arguments at the bottom of the post don’t make sense since you said that you wouldn’t get married for another 3-4 years. So you wouldn’t get the life insurance on each other anyway until you were actually married.

Take a step back, focus on school and give him at least another year. You’re a bit confusing in your post since you originally said you were 21 and he was 26, but then said later that he was younger than you, so give it some time. You are both young and have the rest of your lives to spend together. Pushing him into proposing now is only going to result in resentment.

Post # 4
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Mrs.SleepyKitty: I am 26 and my SO is 28 and I’m in your shoes, almost exactly. We’ve been together for almost 4 years and have been talking about marriage for quite a while now. He always tells me that one day I’ll be his wife and the only thing holding him back is the ring. We also live together, but in an apartment, but we’re both on the lease. We share a bank account, bills are in both of our names, and just yesterday he put me under his health insurance after his company changed their policy allowing us to do so. I recently picked a ring, only $475 USD, after we decided against getting a ring while on vacation in Mexico, and he said when he got paid we could get it. Well, today is pay day, so I texted him asking if he was going to make me the happiest I’ve ever been and he responded “I don’t know”. Seeing as he’s at work and can’t really respond I’m left to sit here and decipher three little words that could mean so much or so little. Either he’s worried about our finances for the month by getting the ring now, which is understandable and insignificant, or he’s just not ready, which is my worst nightmare. With everything that we already share, our home, our money, 2 dogs and a cat, I don’t want him to be complacent in our lives together. I want to be his wife, and I’m going crazy waiting for this to happen. 

You’re not alone sweetie, I feel your pain. Waiting is much easier said than done. But, just like in my case, if you love him with all your heart and know he’s the one then waiting will be worth every second. I know that he is my best friend and the love of my life, and as hard as it is, I know in my heart that I cannot live without him. Hopefully you can dig down deep and try to hold out a little longer, and focus on all the amazing aspects of your relationship until the time comes.  🙂 if you ever need to vent don’t hesitate to message me!  🙂

Post # 5
Member
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

welcome!

Post # 6
Member
23 posts
Newbee

@Saria213:

@Mrs.SleepyKitty:

 

Welcome!!

I agree, at times I feel like finances is a total excuse.  I am in the same boat as both of you ladies and it sucks.  I have been with my bf for 2.5 years and he has been talking about marriage for at least a yr and half.  I am in school, planning to graduate in July.  He said he wants to wait to purpose until then. 

He called me the other day to explain to me that he is not procrastinating and will not touch his savings for a ring.  He says he is planning to open an account for a ring when he gets a tax return. Then he proceeds to say, he doesn’t wanna work to save for only a ring, he works hard and will buy whatever he wants as well as save.  What I do not understand is, the whole point of saving for something is so you can get it faster.  Lots of fighting going on lately!!! UGGGGH MEN!

I hope all of you ladies experience you special day very soon 🙂

Post # 8
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee

hmmm… I see where you’re coming from for sure, especially living together and being together as long as you have been. I would go crazy in that situation! (but I am older, so maybe its a bit different).

I guess on the one hand, if you wait to get engaged you could just have a much shorter engagement?

I normally don’t love the idea, but maybe a ‘promise ring’ is in order here.

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