Post # 1
Member
6 posts
Newbee
Hello out there! I just created my account today because I need to blow off some steam!
My wedding is August 3rd, 2013 so it’s rapidly approaching. Everything has been fairly smooth sailing. We are having a Celtic wedding. Mixing Irish/Scottish traditions. My Fiance will be in a kilt, we will have a piper, tartan pinning, hand fastening…it’s going to be beautiful. And it’s in Estes Park, Colorado. Which is gorgeous, right on a lake and in the mountains. But…
My Future Mother-In-Law likes to be passive aggressive with me though and has been downright rude a few times. What has infuriated me this week is something so dumb. We got our invitations in. They are lovely. I called her and asked her to email a list of addresses for her guest list. She did. And in parentheses next to several names were “do not send their invitation until July!” or “address won’t be good until July!”. This really made my blood boil. She is not paying for anything. Not even the rehersal. I don’t know why she thinks she gets a say in this! The invitations are going out May 1st. End of story. There are a few that I understand. I live in Colorado and last summer we had a lot of major fires. Her best friends house burned down. Her address won’t be good until July. I understand that. I will hand deliver her invitation though. That is a reasonable thing. What made me mad were the ones that she just doesn’t know if she wants them to be “for real” invited until July.
This isn’t going to work for several reasons. My response card says “the favor of a reply is requeted by July 5th”. If I send some out on July 1st…this is just not going to work. Second, I have to give my venue a final head count 2 weeks before the wedding. Which again, if I send out invites on July 1st…not going to work. Third, I am sending out 108 invitations. I’m not sending out 100 and then hanging onto 8 or so because you don’t know if you really want them there or not. It’s either they are invited now or not at all. And like I said, I totally understand the ones who addresses won’t be good til July. I will hand deliver. I’m just pissed about the other ones.
I told my Fiance to deal with her because I just can’t anymore. I have fought with her over the ceremony, children being invited to the wedding (they are not), centerpieces, reciving lines, seating charts….and she isn’t paying for anything! She shouldn’t really get a say. I’ve been holding onto the “it’s my wedding” card because I don’t want to be a bridezilla, but this was just like “lady, you don’t get a say in this! The invites are all going out together!!”
I’m just done with her. I’ve stopped discussing wedding plans with her. She has called me at work and I work in labor and delivery at a hospital. NOT OKAY!!
Thanks for listening!
Post # 3
Member
4682 posts
Honey bee
welcome to the hive!
that would make my blood boil too.
Post # 4
Member
6 posts
Newbee
@kaylee26: Thanks!! And glad to know I am not alone in this feeling!
Post # 5
Member
1218 posts
Bumble bee
I’m sorry you have to deal with this. I agree that you should stand your ground – given she’s not contributing financially, I think you and your Fiance are being VERY generous even allowing her to add to your guest list! I would just send them out and tell your Fiance to have that fight with her.
Post # 6
Member
6 posts
Newbee
@littlebeanpole: Thank you! It has kind of been one ridiculous thing after the next with her. I of course want to invite her family and her close friends that know my Fiance, and we did have that fight when we got her guest list and she gave me a list of 53 people instead of the 30 we asked her to keep it at. I am just not going to play this “A string” and “B string” thing with her. My Fiance agrees with me that she’s being ridiculous (in all the fights and how she is making him feel..but that is an entirely different story). He was supposed to talk to her tonight about it. I work nights so I’ll see him in a few hours when I get off work to see how things went. Anyway, sorry I’m rambling. Thanks for making me not feel cray cray!!
Post # 7
Member
13290 posts
Honey Beekeeper
Welcome to the Hive!
So, I’m not really sure what makes your blood boil over this. Does she have a current address that can be used in the meantime? If the address isn’t good until July, there’s a chance the peopple are moving and wouldn’t get your invitation prior to then. It seems like she’s trying to be upfront with you over this, not get in an argument.
I get the tough mother-in-law thing – trust me, I do (my Mother-In-Law wanted us to cut our friends so she could accomodate inviting all of her coworkers, my in-laws barely contributed financially, and caused trouble throughout the planning, rehearsal, and actual wedding day. I really do get it). But it seems to me like this is a bit of an overreaction over an address.
Post # 8
Member
6 posts
Newbee
@abbie017: No, I totally understand the “this address” isn’t good thing. I understand that her best friends house burned down in the fire last year. Those ones I am fine with. It’s the people she says “don’t send their invitation til July” and when asked why it was because she’s not 100% sure she wants to invite them. That’s what made my blood boil. Because we went through a guest list debackle with her when she was putting it together. I am not doing an A string and B string kind of thing. The ones who are moving and what not, I will hand deliver their invitations. I totally understand that. I just don’t want to hold onto 5-6 invites because she’s not 100% sure she wants them invited. If they are on her list and have a valid address, they are getting their invitations with everyone else.
Post # 9
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
Best advice I can give, which was given to me because I am currently dealing with a very “unique” mother-in-law as well, was just do what your originally planned to do, stick to your guns, in the end it is your wedding, and if she can’t accept that, then so be it. Sometimes it may be best to have Fi explain to her why things are chosen the way they are. I tell my Fiance that it would come out A LOT better if he told his mother why we chose to do things the way we want it, because if it came from me, she would have a fit! Trust me!!! Maybe just tell her that you will send out invites when you planned, and perhaps check in with said guests in July ??
Good luck!
Post # 10
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
Oh! AND welcome to the hive =)
Post # 11
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
I’ve been holding onto the “it’s my wedding” card because I don’t want to be a bridezilla
Just as a general rule of thumb, it’s wise to discard the “it’s my wedding” card and instead always speak of it and think of it as “OUR wedding.” It just generally helps things stay on a more even keel, helps you and your Fiance keep priorities in view and communication open, and it’s one of the best inoculations against bridezilla-itis that I can recommend.
Post # 12
Member
6 posts
Newbee
@MissMalibu: I did explain all this to my Fiance and he agreed that it was crazy. So he had the talk with her. Lol. It all does seem to go over better when he has the talk. We all agreed to hand deliver the invites to people who are moving and she decided to go ahead and invite the people she wasn’t sure about. They were on her original list for a reason. I’ve just had a lot to deal with with her and this was really icing on the cake. Thanks so much for the advice!
Post # 13
Member
6 posts
Newbee
@KCKnd2: You know, I actually do IRL. I guess I just typed it to be cute or make a point. We have gone to lengths to make sure that the wedding is very much US. I refuse to have anyone call me a princess or wear a tiara or anything. I really just typed it to be funny. I’m sorry I didn’t make that clearer.
Post # 14
Member
1293 posts
Bumble bee
welcome to the hive!! just the place for this type of thing, I am sure you will find lots of brides dealing with similar things. It sounds like you are handling things quite well and rationally! you only have a few months to go 🙂
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