Breadwinner feeling the pressure….

posted 2 years ago in Money
Post # 2
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

gummybear86 :  he’s not contributing to anything but his own personal bills. You are paying mostly everything in the house through working two jobs.  Is he working two jobs too??? If not, why not??

Post # 3
Member
9174 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i make double what Darling Husband makes.  it was hard in the beginning and we talked a lot of money and how to be fair to both parties.

you are working 2 jobs to support you guys?  is he also working 2 jobs? is he picking up the slack at home by cleaning and doing other household chores more?

Post # 4
Member
1149 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

You’re not a horrible person, that’s a pretty crappy bargain for you.  Is he actively looking for a better-paying job?  Is the wedding putting extra strain on your finances and relationship right now?  If it is, I would say consider have a simple courthouse ceremony and dinner out or postponing the wedding for now until you’re in a more comfortable financial situation. 

Post # 5
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

I don’t think you’re a horrible person at all! It doesn’t sound like you’re looking for an arragement where he makes all the money and you don’t have to work. You just want to be equal partners and that’s understandable. 

You def need to have a talk about this with him but choose your words carefully. If he’s already sensitive an upset it seems like he is already aware of the situation so you don’t need to point it out to him. Instead, work together to figure out solutions and come up with a 1, 2, or 5 year plan to get yourselves to the point where you are equal partners. Can he get a 2nd job as well? Can he decrease his spending or debt? What can he do in his current job to get him to the next level where he is earning more money?

Post # 6
Member
4507 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would be okay with carrying the load alone for awhile if I either (a) knew it was temporary or (b) could see my SO working to improve the situation.

For example, right now, I am the sole breadwinner because Darling Husband is in grad school and interning in his field. Money is tight and it’s stressful, but I’m okay with this because there is a light at the end of the tunnel and because he is getting his MS to open the door to more/better job opportunities in our area.

But forever with no effort to increase his contributions to our life together? Not so much. I don’t mind if I make MORE, but I don’t want to carry us alone (barring unusal circumstances, obviously).

Post # 7
Member
6442 posts
Bee Keeper

gummybear86 :  

ETA: from MrsTodd2bee’s response.

Is he actively looking for a better job?  Or is it tough in that city?  It’s odd that you’re able to work two jobs and he can only find one.

 

Post # 8
Member
12076 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Is your fiance actively looking for better jobs?  Is there a reason he can’t find a comparable job in  your location? Is he motivated? Is he willing to pursue training or additional education?  If not, I’d be reevaluating, with no guilt.  I could not be happy long term working TWO jobs while Fiance relaxed at home with a minimum wage job or with the type of man who would be satisfied in that situation. 

Post # 9
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

pinkcorsage :  he’s working one lower-paying job she said but my question is why isn’t he working two jobs like she is?

Post # 13
Member
4910 posts
Honey bee

gummybear86 :  I’ve worked two jobs before and I would be upset. It’s exhausting. And neither of them was full time bit I was in school. I would be upset. I’m curious if you’ve gone overt his budget? We did that with mine and found money that I could contribute to the joint account. I was the one with school debt and we looked long and hard at the budget. 

What type of job did he have before and is there a market for another one? I don’t get why he was sensitive. Tell him you working two jobs isn’t sustainable for you. Maybe suggest a cheaper apartment and see how he reacts. You two be to be able to discuss things if you’re getting married. He needs to get over it and be able to talk about it. 

Post # 14
Member
5534 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

If he works full time how does he not earn enough to contribute to rent? Even minimum wage should go further than his ‘personal bills’.

Post # 15
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

gummybear86 :  a few nights a week in a part time second job for him will take away some time for togetherness but it will do a lot for your peace of mind to see that he’s trying! However the caveat is that if he’s not even taking actions to increase his marketability as you said then I wonder if he will even make the effort to get a second/part-time job! Maybe its his personality to take the easiest life roads even if that means burden falls on you. . I think you may suspect that? (Based on the promises he made to get you to move there and your stated history of “off and on” status)

In that case,  I would not marry him as this will be your life with him…

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