- 4 years ago
My ex boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago..I wrote about it in a previous post if you want the history. But long story short, we had been bickering for a few months, we had a fight and he broke it off, and we live together so he wants me to move out. Well I’ve been having a very difficult day today..I feel like a mess. There’s no other way to describe it.
I decided on Valentine’s Day that I was going to get some space from our apartment…it’s miserable seeing the person you love when you are heart broken because of them. He initially told me I could have the apartment until I found something else but he hung around anyway and it was torture for me. We would small talk a little, “how was your day”, blah blah blah. He would sleep on the couch…I would cry myself to sleep in bed with our two dogs. I couldn’t do it anymore so I packed my stuff this past Sunday and went to crash on my brother’s couch for the week. While I was gone me ex and I small talked a little through text and we discussed bills and what not. Then one morning out of the blue he sent me an emotional text telling me he loved and cared for me so incredibly much and despite us being broken up he still wanted the best for me. I wasn’t expecting it..I didn’t respond and I cried myself to sleep that night too.
We didn’t speak for 3 days…I was waiting for him to reach out, he never did after that text. This morning I finally texted him and he seemed a little annoyed…I think he was upset I didnt respond to his text and he was strictly business, talking about cancelling our cell phone plan we share and so on. He has been kind of hot and cold with me..mostly cold and distant and stubborn. Then I broke down…I feel weak but I miss him a lot. Surprisingly though, he broke down too.
Here are some of the texts he sent me…I’m really bad at over analyzing conversations so I’ll let you all tell me what you think. This conversation started because I told him the reason I didn’t respond to his his emotional text 3 days before was because had caught me off guard and before that he was all business and had not shown much emotion about our break up so I didn’t really know what to say to him suddenly telling me he loved me again. He responds with this:
“I have so much emotion for you. It’s crazy to me how much. Despite us being broken up you are my girl, no matter what, period. I may not show it all of the time because sometimes it is how I cope. I suppress it. Never doubt for one second my passion or love for you or our relationship. Like I said, no matter what I am going to love you. The thought of you with another guy literally sickens me…just me looking on facebook one day in a few months and seeing that..”
“I want you. I want you so much. Why do you think I came home one day 4 months ago and was broken down and crying to you and telling you my concerns? That’s me wanting you and us to work. Same goes for our break. We just can’t agree on how this relationship should work”
In the second texts he refers to this as a break…but when he ended things it was strictly a break up. He continues to refer to it as a break up but with the hopes of getting back together…isn’t that what a break is? I’ve never taken a break from a relationship so I don’t know. That is why I am so confused. I mean, I am moving out…but this morning he goes on to say he hopes this isn’t the end for us and there isn’t anyone else and he doesn’t want it to be this way but that we both have done things that have led to his decision. I love this man so much…I can honestly feel he loves me too, even as things are falling apart. I just can’t help but wonder how someone can let go and risk losing a person they love. I am a firm believer in working through things and never giving up. I just don’t know what to think…he sounds tore up about this but stands firm to his choices.
Is it possible for me to move out and for there to be a lot of space and IF we ever got back together, to start over? I wouldn’t want to pick up where things left off. Has it ever worked for anyone? I having been spinning my wheels these past 2 weeks because I don’t want it to be real…but I know eventually I have to face everything and move out. I am just beat down and heart broken. I want to have hope but I can’t spend weeks and months in this standstill just waiting for him to come back. Advice, please? Am I a fool for looking into every word he says?