Post # 1
Member
7 posts
Newbee
Hello, and thank you for reading my story. Within the past few days, I have been left… without even a goodbye, in a hotel in a different state. I was with my boyfriend for 4+ years and we were engaged. I quit my job to move to a new state with him (his idea), so we could start a life together. We stayed in hotels for about a month, but he had a difficulty finding a place to rent (no credit history). Around 7am one day he left. Check out was at 12. I tried to call him and text him, but never got anything back. It has been 2 days now, and still nothing. I am so heartbroken and lost. The strangest part is that I thought we had a strong relationship, and we shared a deep love. His mother called me today to say he is only focusing on school/career now and he’s selfish… she said when she asked him about me, he only said, “she’s out of the picture.” I guess this gave me some closure, but despite this horrible event my love hasn’t changed and I want him back. I don’t understand why he left, other than there was too much pressure at once, or he didn’t want to get married right away. Maybe he never wanted to marry me, but why did he ask? and why did he stay with my for so many years? I am completely crushed, he really was my one true love. Even the night before he left we had so much fun together. It just happened out of the blue. Now, I’m not calling or texting him (I did both frantically that first day), and I moved back to my original state. One idea I had was to ask my boss for my job back (if it’s even possible), and renting a small apartment near my old work. I haven’t told my parents, and I don’t even know where to live or what to do. I am totally alone, with all my stuff packed in my car, and the guy who won’t talk to me still has a drawer with all of my clothes. I don’t even know where he is. Well, joined this group back when I was engaged but now my first post is this. ugh. If you have any advice for me I would be very grateful to hear it. I’m hurting so much. I’m thinking maybe I shouldn’t even answer his mom’s calls anymore? It hurts to even hear about him and I really don’t understand why any of this has happened. I feel ashamed of myself, and wonder if he ever loved me.
Post # 3
Member
1250 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand
I am so sorry you are going through this! Realize you have nothing to be ashamed of you, you didn’t do anything wrong! this will be a trying time for you but you will come out stronger and find someone who knows how to value you. It will be hard to trust again but don’t let this scare you from meeting people when you are ready
As far as contact, in my opinion it is definitely best to cut all ties. Maybe just communicate with his mom to get your stuff back since he isn’t being responsive? unless you don’t really care about retrieving those items.
Finally, I highly recommend the book its called a break up cause its broken. It got me through a lot of rough times and it made me realize no matter how crazy i thought my actions or thoughts were, there was always someone going through the same feelings and doing crazier things than I was.
best of luck to you & stay strong!
Post # 4
Member
1673 posts
Bumble bee
Try to get a clean break mass much as you can! I swear it helps.
Of course you are going to grieve the relationship and be sad for awhile. Try your absolute best to take good care of yourself during this time. You’ll be in a much better place when you come out of the other side of the grief.
I went through a break up once where I was extremely upset and did not want to break up… I didn’t answer the phone for him and absolutely flung myself into running track, eating right and school. I wasn’t myself for awhile, but when I finally came to… I was someone I could be proud of.
It didn’t hurt to think that if he asked about me he would be told, “Oh, Fizzy is doing AWESOME, she looks great!”.
Post # 5
Member
4528 posts
Honey bee
I’m so sorry. You are worthy of love, and he’s the one that should be ashamed
Post # 6
Member
7 posts
Newbee
thank you all for your support, it means a lot to me. the men in your lives are so lucky because you are such warm and caring people.
Post # 7
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
I am SO sorry you have to go through this!…it doesnt really help you right now but thank God it happened now instead of later! Can you imagine if you were married with a house together or kids or pets or whatever!!….Not understanding what happened must eat away at you I know…the way I see it is that HE is the one who is kinda broken…he is not healthy…you shouldnt take him back even if he wanted to as someone that can do that to their loved one cannot be counted on!…When you meet the right guy he will be with you through thick and thin, not leave you high and dry!…it is AWFUL what he has done…get your old job back, place to live and go on a mission to be or stay healthy. Eat right, exercise a little, make it your main focus! You will come out on top! I have been through a really icky toxic relationship and I know it is possible for you to come out on top! You will be a much stronger person for this! Hang in there girl and do not let this poor excuse of a man trample you down! DO NOT talk to his mother any more…move on and put it all behind you:)
Post # 8
Member
7 posts
Newbee
thank you for your encouragement!! I really hope I can come out on top… I am just so sad right now and feel like I can’t recover from this.
Post # 9
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
@zoiien: I’m so sorry this happened. It just sounds bizarre on his part. But I think it’s great you’re getting a plan in place and moving forward with your life. I’d bet your old boss would give you back your job in a heartbeat. And I agree with PP’s — thank goodness this happened before you married him as opposed to after.
Post # 10
Member
8471 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@zoiien: *HUGS* So so sorry that you’re going through this. I don’t really have any advice other than to just give yourself some time. Best of luck to you and please take care.
Post # 11
Member
397 posts
Helper bee
- Wedding: November 2013 - castle green
hugs girl. i agree with @Laurenplusalex. You are more than worthy of love and shouldnt feel ashamed what so ever. He sounds like he’s definitely immature and somewhat of a coward considering he just up and left like that.
Post # 12
Member
2855 posts
Sugar bee
Please don’t feel ashamed of yourself, you did absolutely nothing wrong! You deserve so much better.
Try to focus on you. Get your hair done, get a nice outfit…even if you’re just going to stay at home with ice cream! Exercise, find your dream job, get a pet…make yourself everything you’ve wanted to be!
You can get through this, and you’ll be even stronger for it!
Post # 13
Member
2481 posts
Buzzing bee
What an utter bounder! Please don’t feel ashamed but do take comfort in the fact that this selfish bolter has saved you a great deal of future heartache if you’d married him.
I’m glad you are now back in your home state and yes, I’d definitely try and get your old job back and rent a new place to live. Don’t be ashamed to tell family and friends what has happened either. You need as much support as you can get right now and nobody will think badly of you.
If he still has possessions of yours then I suggest emailing his mother to ask that he ship these items to you – use your parent’s address – and then cut contact. No good will come from hearing news of him.
And yes, you will be stronger for it even though that’s hard to recognise right now. Warmest wishes for a much brighter future.
Post # 14
Member
7 posts
Newbee
He’s actually older than me too (33), so he should be mature (maybe he isnt, that’s a good theory). he was always so protective too, how could he leave me homeless in a strange city? not safe at all. anytime i had car problems or anything during the 4 years he always came to my side. the behavior is definitely bizarre!!!! and heartwrenching.
You all are just so great, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kind words. It makes me feel a little better just to have your support. It’s such a painful time… i’ve never had my heart ripped out like this… i feel physically sick, can’t eat, and i keep crying. plus the stress of not having anywhere to live is overwhelming… my emotions are so out of whack… it’s like i can’t even think or know what to do. I haven’t even told my parents yet, they live up north, like a 12 hr drive away. ugh. it’s like i just want it all to not be real, and i know when i tell my parents it will be very real.
Post # 15
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
That’s horrendous that he left you in a strange place with no communication! My advice would be to maybe stay with a friend for awhile if possible? Get in touch with your parents and friends – you need support right now! That’s a good idea to get in touch with your old job to see if you could work there again (if you liked that job) asking won’t hurt anything. You will get through this and be a much stronger person for it. I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now, but I can say with 100% certainty that no, he was not your “one true love” ! You’ll meet someone amazing who would never in a million years put you in a situation like this. It’s ok to feel heartbroken, just remember that hearts do heal and everything will be ok <3
Post # 16
Member
7 posts
Newbee
thank you! yeah it was so scary to be out there alone and to not know where he was (I worried something bad happened to him)… I hope you’re right that I somehow will be able to get over him and become stronger!! your message was very uplifting and I really appreciate it
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