(Closed) break up engagement over money? what to do?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2254 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@bluehistory00:  Sounds like he is exploiting your love of him to get his way. Your feelings shouldn’t be used as tool to allow your Fiance to get his way. I wouldn’t move in with his family especially if you know there are major issues such as their hoarding. You’ll be miserable. Do not write the check! You said so yourself the sister created the issue. She should be the one paying.

Post # 4
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Sounds all bad to me.  I’m pretty confused any person would try to convince you this is reasonable.  And saying “If you loved me you’d…” seems pretty manipulative.

Besides being engaged are there reasons for going through with this arrangement, IS there love in your relationship?  You don’t really mention that.

Post # 5
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I absolutely would not live in that house, under the conditions you described. And I definitely wouldn’t pay to remodel one of his 40 year old sister’s rooms.

 

To be honest, I wouldn’t be engaged to someone who was the type to even suggest that type of crazy scenario, so I suggest you call his bluff and tell him you’ll have to break up then.

Post # 6
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@bluehistory00:  He is giving you a completely unfair ultimatum. I don’t see a good reason in what you described as to why you should be moving into that home to start your married lives.

 

Try to talk some sense into him. But if he refuses to budge, let him know definitively that you will not move in or pay rent. You don’t want to, and you shouldn’t have to. Leave it up to him to break up if his priorities are THAT messed up.

Post # 7
Member
7616 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@bluehistory00:  This is not acceptable. I don’t understand why he would want you to do this.

Post # 8
Member
7806 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

I think you will be much happier in you own place.

Post # 9
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Don’t do it. He sounds manipulative. Why can’t he move in with you? If he can’t live away from his family, he shouldn’t be getting married.

Post # 10
Member
1839 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

nothing about this sounds good.

Post # 11
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Haha, sounds like my exboyfriend… and there’s a reason why he’s my EX. (Though I should add that his next girlfriend got him to move out, which on the whole I think is probably much healthier for everyone involved.) I think you should make your marriage conditional on him moving out of that home and living with you, just the two of you, before you are married. Hopefully before you even put deposits down on the vendors.

If you are not on the deed, you should never, ever, EVER pay for a remodel as there is no way for you to recoup that money should you break up. Even if you were married, afaik. It sounds like you know that though, so good for you.

Post # 12
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I don’t think any of this sounds reasonable! You have your own apartment, why would he not want to move in with you to start your lives together.. ALONE.. I mean that house sounds crowded and not very sanitary. I feel like you would be taking a step back from an independent adult life if you moved in with him. Plus, why would you be paying for a room remodel for his family member??? Why does that 40 year old woman not have her own money to remodel her room? I think this is pretty unfair when it comes to an ultimatum! I say a big no to that! 

Post # 13
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Red flags –

1. He still lives with his family and won’t move out

2. He issues ultimatums over money, especially such a small amount as $1000.

I would get out now. What if you gave in on this one? Next year it could be you need to pay for sister’s vacation or he’s leaving you. 

Post # 14
Member
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@bluehistory00:  so his sister can stay there for free but his wife can’t?????  that does not sound right.  you would be much happier living on your own.  if you are paying rent somewhere, you should at least be living where you want to be.  don’t move in there.

your fi sounds completely manipulative.  if he is giving you the choice of move in or break up….choose break up.  it’s time you gained some control in the relationship.

Post # 15
Member
14443 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

No freaking way.  I would not move in with his parents and sisters who get to life for free and pay rent to him!  “Rent” paid to my husband?  No way.  And why the hell should you pay for the updates in HIS house?!

Post # 16
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Why would a man require his own WIFE to pay rent to him after you guys are married??? o.O 

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