(Closed) Break-Ups are the pits!!!!

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m sending good thoughts your way.

Your Mom is soooo right. Listen to her. It’s hard because you are in the middle of it.

Not to take anything away from the situation, because it’s one of the harder things you will go through. But try to think back  to a time when you went through another big life challenge. You may have never thought you’d make it through. But you did. And looking back, you can’t remember that time as clearly as you once did. You endured, you moved on. But now, because you are “in the middle” it’s so much harder to see.

I don’t know you, but you’re going to be fine. It will take time. It definitely will. Do the right things for you. Get out there, do things you want to do. Do new hobbies. Anything. And the situation will seem better in time. It truly will.

It is not you. You are not a bad person. You deserve to be happy and you will. Not everyone gets to the same place at the same time. And you have no idea what or who your future will bring. That’s scary, but it’s a little exciting too. And then, in a year, two years, if even that long, you’ll look back at now and not even be able to remember how you were feeling. Because you’ll be past it and happy.

Best of luck to you.

Post # 4
Member
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I broke off an engagement, and it was also very difficult for me. My ex and I were happy together for the most part, but in the end we had an unreccomcilable issue similar to yours. I am very serious about my religion and living my life a certain way, and while we were raised in the same tradition he had a different plan for his life. It would have come down to that in the end, but I actually decided to end our relationship because he stopped treating me with the love and respect which he had, and which I felt I deserved (it sounds like there may have been something similar happening in your relationship as well). 

We were both devestated, him for longer than me I think, because by the time we broke up I really hadn’t been getting the support I needed from him anyway, so there wasn’t as much to miss. I thought that I’d ruined his life, he was so sad and he’d had a hard time finding direction even with my help.

A few months after we broke up I met my husband. I felt similarly before we got together, wondering what it was about me that made guys that I liked not like me, and only attracted the unreliable type. But, after many relationships that didn’t work out, I am the happiest I’ve ever been with my husband. I’m not sure if I believe that God necessarily controls all of the things, but it does feel like my husband was shaped and put in my life perfectly. If  I could have designed for myself the perfect man, he couldn’t have been as right for me as my husband is. You’re right, it’s hard when you’re dealing with it to see the light at the end, but I think it will come. Don’t give up, have fun, focus on yourself and it’ll all work out in the end!

 

 

Post # 5
Member
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I broke off an engagement, and it was also very difficult for me. My ex and I were happy together for the most part, but in the end we had an unreccomcilable issue similar to yours. I am very serious about my religion and living my life a certain way, and while we were raised in the same tradition he had a different plan for his life. It would have come down to that in the end, but I actually decided to end our relationship because he stopped treating me with the love and respect which he had, and which I felt I deserved (it sounds like there may have been something similar happening in your relationship as well). 

We were both devestated, him for longer than me I think, because by the time we broke up I really hadn’t been getting the support I needed from him anyway, so there wasn’t as much to miss. I thought that I’d ruined his life, he was so sad and he’d had a hard time finding direction even with my help.

A few months after we broke up I met my husband. I felt similarly before we got together, wondering what it was about me that made guys that I liked not like me, and only attracted the unreliable type. But, after many relationships that didn’t work out, I am the happiest I’ve ever been with my husband. I’m not sure if I believe that God necessarily controls all of the things, but it does feel like my husband was shaped and put in my life perfectly. If  I could have designed for myself the perfect man, he couldn’t have been as right for me as my husband is. My ex and I don’t really talk anymore, thoughwe have a few times, but he seems to be doing well and is also seeing someone new. You’re right, it’s hard when you’re dealing with it to see the light at the end, but I think it will come. Don’t give up, have fun, focus on yourself and it’ll all work out in the end!

 

 

Post # 6
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee

I just wanted to say that your mom IS right, and that life will always, always figure things out for you. For what it’s worth, your strength in knowing when to call it quits inspires me.

Post # 7
Member
11271 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Miss Pez:  your mom is right.  it will happen.  it always happens when you least expect it.  really.  right now is “your time”.  

i was with my ex-fi for 8 years.  i knew that i wanted and needed more from a relationship than he had to offer.  it was not easy but i broke up with him.  i was already emotionally detached for years so it didn’t take long for me to start casually dating other guys.  i wanted nothing serious and then out of nowhere i run into my now dh in a starbucks parking lot.  it was much sooner than i ever expected.  he was the one i was waiting for.

don’t ever give up hope.  i am so glad i didn’t.

Post # 8
Member
4575 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Keep your head up, when the right person comes you will know and you will feel it, for sure. I agree with your mom, you are in the middle of it all and you don’t see the other end of the light yet.  Try to go out and meet new people, don’t force yourself to be in a relationshipt just cause you feel like you need to move….don’t settle just because you are 31…age is nothing but a number girl…you will get your Happily Ever After! smile!!!!

Post # 10
Member
982 posts
Busy bee

@Miss Pez:  First off, good on you for knowing what needed to be done and following through. All too often, people stay with someone thinking that they’ll completely change their mind in something that’s so important to you. It must have been SO hard, but you did it. You are now open to meeting someone who wants the same things you do.

Don’t think that you won’t find your happy ever after. My best friend (30) felt the same way you do. She even contemplated IVF on her own if Mr Right didn’t come along. I assured her that her Mr Right was out there. Sure enough, they found each other and are head over heels for each other. And, he adores kids.

There is a Mr Right out there for everyone, and I admire your strength. You aren’t doing anything wrong, you’ve just been with a person that you loved who didn’t want the same things as you.

it will take a little while to heal, but you’ll get there, and I’m sure Mr Right is out there! Keep your chin up!

Post # 11
Member
5885 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

When I was alone or going through a break up, I would imagine my Fairy Godmother coming down and telling me I had to go through what I was going through in order to meet the perfect guy for me. It became less “poor wretched me” and more “I’m going to overcome and be more awesome becouase of this”.

I didn’t meet my Darling Husband until I was 38 and got married at 40, but seriously if we had met even 1 month sooner than we did, it wouldn’t have worked out. Learn and grow from every experience and realize it really is about the journey not the destination.

Good luck!

Post # 12
Member
2298 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Your mother is right….it will happen.

When my ex and I broke up, I felt like I didn’t deserve anyone better than him (he was an emotionally abusive alcoholic…and I’m thankful everyday that I ended it with him) and that I’d never find anyone with a family as amazing as his (for real, they were great). I was in a slump for a while, dated a few guys, got let down and stated a year later that I was done trying to find someone and that I was just going to let it happen on it’s own because obviously searching for someone wasn’t working. I was also finishing nursing school so I didn’t have a lot of time and I had to let one great guy slip away because he couldn’t handle that I was busy all the time with clinicals, sleep (when I could), and tons tons of homework/studying. Low and behold, I found a really great guy shortly after I said that….and he’s the guy I will be spending the rest of my life with.

It’ll happen….just give it time. Mark my words.

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